Ever walk into a massive bookstore and looking at all the different sections and knowing that you don't know what you are looking for? They have things like fiction, best-seller, self-help, business, nature, IT, magazine, music, sociology and so on... The list just goes on and on. I was just standing there looking at my surrounding. People are reading books that interest them, children are running around, teenagers are fooling around, staffs supervising the store. However, all of them have a thing in common. A PURPOSE...

At that point, i was Overwhelmed by all that i was seeing and feel drowned by my own thoughts.. What was i looking for? Books by Dan Brown? (his Da vinCi cOde is amazing). Or maybe pick up some books off the best seller's rack? Or maybe some gossips of Hollywood mag? Or rather simply walking out the exit because i am lost. I literately feel like my surrounding was moving in fast-forward motion whereas i stood real still, rooted on the carpeted ground. At that point of time, i was seriously confuse.. Why am i feeling this way just cause of some silly books. There is no point in feeling the way i do just because i don't know what i want and where to go next. Then it daunt on me like a real smack in my face that it is an epitome of my life.

Lost in translation... Maybe it's more appropriate to describe me as 'Lost in transition". I am just confuse about everything. I know i think too much. But if that's what you are good at, why not? Right Amber? =) Is this a transition period for me? I get lost in my own thoughts all the time. If there is one thing that can kill me, it is this. They (my tots) are scary things. They make you doubt, feel insecure, be fearful... They are dangerous! Sometimes i wonder if they are even mine. I wish there is a term to call whatever that i am feeling. You know, there are times when i wish there is an explanation as to how i am feeling so i know actually i am not that insane afterall.... But i know i am. Or maybe everyone goes through that. They are just not honest enough to spell it out?

What provoke me to have a blog is because i think i need an outlet for my thoughts. I don't want them running marathon in my head. They will bug the joy out of me and won't let me go. So i guess i am letting them go.. For all to see what evil do-ers they are. Beware of them....

I'm just a twenties-something girl, in a course of studies she really thinks she has a passion for. With a caring family and a real pretty sis and some really nice friends. Amber being a soulmate, jinwen and xueli being my old secondary pals who are so busy with their work now, Wendy being the girlfriend sort of frds where u can't live without, YZ being the frd whom u know cares for u so much, and Alvin, always seeking happiness for me so that i can be happy. And so many more. I thank God everyday for them.. Like weiwen, Shelly, Zq (the EX), my sis, jojo and others....

Life with him... Just had a really big fight last nitez. I guess it's gonna be over soon... Been thinking of that thoughts since the day i say Yes to him.. Why am i still stuck here when i know leaving him is a much better choice? I am sad... well nothing new, i guess... Maybe i have got that nagging thoughts telling me that if i go, i will not find someone better. Or rather i will not find someone at all...Do u girls feel that too? or is it just me? Again. But with him, maybe most girls would wish they have no one at all. He is not a sucker. Well.. an asshole maybe.Love's a funny thing. They torture the hell outta you but can still make you beg and plead for more. Well, that's how i am like. Always looking for love and chasing after it with all i've got. But always Seems to get knocked down and make a bloody mess. Sad part is i don't pick up the mess. I just walk away.... Imagine the mess i have created thus far. Tsk tsk... Broken hearts and dreams. Tearful goodbyes and depressed souls. I just leave them hanging without dealing with them. They will all get back to me eventually. I just know it. Retribution...

I was out with Amber today.. Caught a movie "Spanglish". Nice cast of artists. I simply love Adam Sandler! Nice soulful acting... Never fails to capture my emotion and stirred my feelings. I was all dressed up today.. Maybe trying to compensate for my lousy mood. We had high tea at NYDC. Nice cakes they have got there. Truely enjoyed myself... During the movies, He called me. Normally i dun pick up calls in theater.. But him, an exception. He Sounded distant... Like he wished he haven't call.. maybe he shouldn't. Told him i'm in the movie... I called again when i get home.. Realise why he hasn't want to meet up.. It's ironic cuz we quarrel for that very reason and now he is still doing that to me. Apparently the conversation has not sunk into his thick skull... SAd case... He hasn't even have time to meet for a break up.. Double ironic...

Anyway, this is my virgin entry. Nothing great.. just a complex girl penning her silly thoughts. The only person who will read this will most prob be amber, wendy and Yz... :) Well... Life just get worse each time doesn't it?