Top 10 Lists in 2006

2006 is will soon finish its race in another day. I thought it will be siginificant to come up with some my favourite and not-so-favourite things and memories of 2006 as a form of remembrance to this year. Well writing some of these down, I was brought back to memory land, remembering some my laughters and tears, some of the essential ingredient of life.


Here goes:

Top 10 Movies in 2006 (not in order of preference)

1. Da Vinci Code
2. The Lake House
3. Devil Wears Prada
4. Step Up
5. Click
6. Take the Lead
7. The Guardian
8. Happy Feet
9. Eight Below
10. Poseidon

Top 10 Books read in 2006 (not in order of preference)

1. Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
2. Under the Duvet - Marian Keyes
3. Chasing Daylight - Eugene O'Kelly
4. Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time - Mark Haddon
5. At First Sight - Nicholas Spark
6. My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
7. Veronika Decides to Die - Paulo Coelho
8. Eleven Minutes - Paulo Coelho
9. The Devil and Miss Prym - Paulo Coelho
10. Memoirs of Geisha - Arthur Golden

Top 10 Dining Experience

1. The Line - Shangri-la Hotel Singapore
2. Melt - The World Cafe - Oriental Hotel Singapore
3. Ellenborough Cafe - Swissotel Merchant Court Hotel
4. Sakura Restaurant - Orchard Shopping Centre
5. Crystal Jade Korean BBQ - Takashimaya Shopping Centre
6. Tapas Tree - Clark Quay
7. The Soup Restaurant - Changi Airport T2
8. New York New York - Citylink
9. Khansama Tandoori Restaurant - Serangoon Road
10. Long Beach Seafood Restaurant - East Coast Seafood Centre

Top 10 Happiest Memories

1. Going Bangkok with Jorine, Jinwen and Yiling
2. Getting the progress package
3. Being the top student in CRS and getting $300 for that
4. Internship at Cathay Pacific Airways
5. Winning Ipod Nano during Company's DnD
6. Playing tour guide to Max from UK
7. Ben passing his final year exams, one which he did not put in effort till last minute
8. Making new friends like Costa and Shane from down under, and Maisie from China (haha) I think I mean Singapore
9. Dad coming back Singapore to celebrate his birthday with us
10. The discovery of the mystery of 11:11 (secret)

Top 10 Significant Moments

1. Last Examination in Poly
2. Xueli's ROM
3. Chiew Ling's ROM
4. Dad leaving for Guangzhou to work
5. Voting for the first time
6. 1 year in serving my church's celebration ministry
7. 1 year after baptism
8. Carlene's 21st Birthday Celebration
9. Trying photoshop for the first time and really really loving it (I really use to hate all thing dealing with computer)
10. Getting a call from Wendy informing me that she is officially a Singapore Girl

Top 10 Things to Try in 2007

1. Perm my Hair
2. Learn something new (option: Spanish, Photography, Dancing, Pilates or Photoshop)
3. Read the entire collection from Paulo Coelho
4. Try Online Shopping (haha.. I really didn't try it before)
5. Redecorate my room, especially the noticeboard
6. Go on a mission trip
7. Go to Disneyland to fulfill my dream of being a disney princess (big grinz)
8. Start a saving plan
9. Get to know Singapre better, visit SAM, Red Dot Museum, MINT, etc...
10. Go to somewhere out of Asia

10 Things I'll not do/try in 2007

1. Cut my hair real short
2. Wear Bell-bottom pants
3. Get into a relationship (yet)
4. Work in a travel agency
5. Dye my hair Black
6. Eat anything that is still alive
7. Be selfish with my praises to others
8. Get drunk (again)
9. Accept anything that it not within my expectation
10. Stop Dreaming

I hope that you enjoy looking through the lists and hopefully tour mind invoke up some memories of yourself in 2006. I hope it rekindle of something in you, reminding you that the best thing in life is yet to come. Continue to dream. But always remember that God can dream a far bigger dream for you than you can ever imagine. That I believe.

May the year 2007 brings even more happier memories, unexpected surprises, closer family ties and friendships, greater desire to make your life story an inspiration to others.

New year resolution

So late into the night, yet sleep haven't found its way to me. My mind been running its own course, thinking of what I have done in 2006. I'm finding some ways to sum up and have a closure of 2006.

What have I done?

Frankly, I didn't set out to any resolutions in the beginning of 2006. I wanted it to be a year where there is no expectations to be fulfilled. I wanted it to be a year where I set no boundaries or limits to what I do. I thought that I can be free from any promises that I make myself fulfilled.

But instead, it become a year where nothing significant happen. Because I didn't have any dreams.

Quoting from Malcolm S. Forbes, "You cease to dream you cease to live".

How true is that.

Man without dream is living a life not worthy of himself. They are short changing themselves for something much more than they could possible be. It would be a tragedy for me to be less than what I could possibly be.

And so I decided to start off the new year with a list of resolutions I hope for in 2007. I want 2007 to be a year of Victory. With boldness to conquere what lies between the gap of reality and dreams.

I'm sure 2007 will make a difference to me. Because I dare to dream it. Nothing happen unless first dream.

Let's wait and see.

Christmas bane and boon

The most meaningful thing I have done this Christmas is to visit a family service centre and Tiong Bahru to sing Christmas Carol. Underprivilledge children and their parents were invited by the centre to join in the celebration. This is how we reached out to the community by telling them that they are not alone in the time of celebration. I can tell from their faces that they are touched by our presence.

My idea of how I wanted to spend Christmas?

Gone were the days of hard partying, hitting to town to join in the rowdy bunch of party-goers. Even the thought of that makes me tired.

An intimate dinner with the closest friends, a potluck party at someone's home, coffee at a beachfront cafe (pacific coffee at Vivo!) or even sipping red wine on the couch watching reruns with people I enjoy. These are enough to make happy.

Am I psyched about Christmas?

Not entirely.

I hate gifts shopping together with the whole population of Singapore. I hate being having to plan what to do on Christmas eve (or I may appear as boring/lonely??) I hate being disappointed by friends who disrupts plans. I hate seeing reds in my account balance after all the shopping and feasting. I detest traffic congestions.

I asked myself this for many years. When will I fall in love with Christmas again?

I guess I'll never. For someone as anti-social as me, I don't think so.

But that does not mean that I hate Christmas. I may dislike to routine celebration. But I remembered the reason for it. It is the time to remind myself to pass the love around. You may asked me why do I have to wait till Christmas to do that?

I don't know either.

May we never forget that among all the partying and feasting, Jesus is the reason for Christmas. It is more than the food, the hype, friends or even parties. It is all about Jesus. He is the reason why we celebrate Christmas.

Come to think about it, Christmas ain't so bad after all. If we celebrate it for the right reason.

picture perfect

The wind flirting with my hair, the sun dimming into a romantic hue of amber, palm tree swaying to the rhythm of the waves.

Picture perfect.

It took away the toll in my emotions that was building up throughout the week. See that picture put hope in me once again. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm a dreamer.

Thank God it is friday today. 5 more hours to weekend!

Once saturday comes, I'll put off my mask and put on myself once again and join the ladies at Yiling's to feast, drink and be merry. We are having an advance Christmas party to celebrate coz Yiling will be leaving for Finland on the 18th Dec. Lucky her. She'll get to sit on Santa's lap and whisper into his ear and tell him her Christmas wishes.

Anyway, this entry is just to share with all this lovely picture. It is taken from Colombo, Sri Lanka

The curious incident of the dog in the night-time

Recently, I just read another fantastic book that that gave me the "I mustn't read too fast or it will be over too soon" feeling. The title of the book is 'The curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time' by Mark Haddon. I thought that he is very clever with how the plot progressed and how he joined all the fragments of seemingly unrelated pages together. He is able to narrate a story that differs entirely from his own world.

Spoiler Warning....

The story is about a teenager, Christopher, age 15. Christopher is unlike any teenager his age. He is really different. He lives in a world of his own and detest any human contact. Christopher excels in Mathematic, has a photographic memory, love Sherlock Holmes but hate the author and live by his own sets of rules.

He is autistic.

Autistism is a paradoxical word itself. Could it be said that the person is cursed with a gift or gifted with a curse.

Either way.

The person could be the smartest person in his entire school but is not able to commute to school on his own. Or he could solve challenging mathematical equation but not able to understand metaphorphical statements like 'an apple of his eye' or 'I laugh my socks off' . He gets confuse because he cannot imagine how this is so.

He is able to understand and explain the Monty Hall Problem (very interesting, go find out!) which I find it rather difficult to understand mainly because I am someone guided by intuition and not math.

The plot of the story is actually how he tried to be a detective (like his favourite Sherlock Holmes) to investigate who killed his neighbour dog. (Decided not to spoil the story by revealing the ending and this is not a lie because previously I wrote 'Spoiler Warning' and this is just a clarification) Pg177

In the entire book, not once was the term 'autistic' mentioned. I believe that the author is trying to mimick reality where it is a taboo word which no one speak off audibly.

Everyone should really pick up this book off the shelves (if you are lucky enough to find it since it is the winner of the whitebread book of the year) and read it. You will surely gain great insights into their enclosed world as well as other pieces of information that the author includes.

3 cheers to Mark Haddon.




Credits to Mark Haddon who inspired this entry.

Future

What do I want, where do I want to go? What do I want to do, who should I follow? My dreams and vision of the future vesus the truth of reality. How can I reconnect the dots to complete the picture?

A true idealist at heart. How can I brave myself for the seismic wave of destruction that promise to come along with life?

I'm standing at the crossroad once again. Idealism vesus Realism. Who will win?

It somehow induce a feeling of excitment and fear simulateously. Not knowing what the future holds yet anticipating it to be a dream come true. Conflicting emotions yielding me to my knees.

Will I make the right choice this time?

Time will tell.

Daydreams

I wish for a cup of hot tea to warm my hands, curl up in my bed and cover myself with duvet.

Let me close my eyes gently and fall into a sweet slumber.

Maybe I'll dream about heaven with singing angels, lavender garden, clouds and cotton candy. Everything moving in slow rhythmic motion. And I know where I am happy. With warm hands and joyful heart, innocent laughters filled the air.

Let me close my eyes gently and fall into a sweet slumber.

So that I am not here.

CX DnD

The uber chic, alluring and ever-smiling Princess from the Land of a Thousand Smile!

The 4 interns from town office together with the regional manager of singapore Cathay Pacific Airways.

Clockwise: Ben, Runi, BoonKiat, Jenny, Chris, Judy, ST, Samantha, Sheril and Elaine. The whole lot from sales and marketing department

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Judging from the pictures, you could surely tell that I had a great time at my company's annual dinner and dance party held on friday. The theme of the night was International Costumes. We have to dress to best represent all the destination that CX flies to. I choose Bankgkok, Thailand. =) I was thinking maybe I want to dress as Cleopatra, Greek Goddess or Victorian Lady but choose otherwise. It must be my Asian roots' talking. =)

Me and ST were part of the organising committees among others. It was a good experience to see our efforts to fruitation. The performaces put up by the various department were something to remember. I especially love the piece put up by Avril and Shawn. Their salsa Ballroom dancing makes me think of JLo and Richard Gere in the movie "shall we dance". It seriously makes me wanna go and sign up for dance classes immediately. Haha.. They are such a compatible couple.

Oh by the way, I won a 4Gigabytes iPod nano during the luckydraw! Woohoo.. Thought of selling it so as to put away more money for my graduation trips, if any. All wells that ends well huh. Went home a happy lady.

Fits of euphoria

This morning, I woke up accompanied with fits of euphoria. It appeared the moment I open my eyes. I was greeted by the shy morning ray that shine through my window. Simple bliss. Then while bathing, the euphoria feelings subtly came upon me again and I felt really joyful. Just before I stepped out of the door, I saw my reflection in the mirror. My make-up is perfect, volumized hair, dazzling smile, and was drenched with sweet smelling perfume. I was ready for the day. It wasn't a surprise to know that by the time I was walking to the train station, I was already beaming from ear to ear. What an unique change since I was dragging my feet to work every morning.

But somewhere along the way; on the train, during WORK, during lunch and all the other nook and corner of the daily routine, people come along and took a piece of that joy away from me. Some of the demanded things to be done their way, some impose their ways on me, others use words to dampen my spirit and yet other just behave indifferently. Stupidly, I allow them to do just that; stripping me of my beauty and the felicity I had.

Who are these people anyway?

It is people like you and me. Are you guilty of doing that to someone? Plundering them of their joy because of the cause of your words and actions? Maybe something you did or say carelessly is the turning point of somebody's day where all they wished they didn't even leave their home?

I am guilty as charge.

Many times, I flippantly said or do things that may cause others their misery. Which in turn may be passed on to someone else. Before I know it, it spinned off and circulate to other people they come into contact with. I may have ruined the day of many people! What a heavy sentence.

God says his love is new every morning. Let us keep ourselves in check all the time. Each new day can be a day where we make a difference in somebody's life. Small things count.

Go the extra miles if you can. Say something nice. Smile. Pass it on.

Animals kingdom

Right now, I'm sitting at my work station freezing my ass off in my office's artic condition. My fingers are numbed by the cold wind from the blast of the air-conditioning. Hate that feeling.
This is the first time I am blogging while working, hopefully I won't get scolding from anyone.

Work has been really frustrating of late. I really hate taking calls. These people are really rude and are hurling insults at me at the speed of 300words/minute. All my self-esteems are trampled on the ground and thrown out the window. I seems to go home everyday empty inside. It is no wonder I feel so tired everyday. It is really a challenging task. People scrutinised me with every words I spoke, trying to pick out every mistake I make.

People are so hard to please..

It is a real test of faith for me learning how to love people who are unlovable. Jesus died for me just as He died for them. He loves me as just He love them. So why should I feel that they are not worthy of His death?

I should really slapped myself for thinking that but it just come to me. My mind is known for having a mind of its own, if I am allowed to say that. =) She is a classic character i must say. My body is a slave to her whims and fancy.

I find myself having bad blood with human being in general. I have a general animosity towards them. This feeling amplified itself when I am in the train on my way to and from work, during work. However, come to think about it, it is basically every other time I come into close proximity of them.

It come to a point that I start to question "is it just me or it is them?"

I may be a freak for all I know. *shrudder*

Maybe I should be like Wendy. She loves animal more than human. I used to think that her thinking is uncanny but think again she may be right. At least animals wouldn't shove me around on public transport (they are not even allowed in right?), call me up and throw me upside down with their words (or barking/meowing/neighing/whatevering). Hypothethically, if I own a pet, they will be the one that sit by me when I am lonely and listen to me. Wendy sweared that her dog, Jaz, understands her when she talked to him.

Talking about that, it reminded me of the little black dog that is around my neighbourhood. He/She is always resting at my void deck almost every morning when I am on my way to work. When the elevator's floor pry open, I will simply see her standing there looking at me. Sometimes during my evening jog, she will be at the park doing her usual walk. At times, she will join me for a some distance until she found something more interesting that deserve her attention. I reckoned that she belongs to some family living in the first level where she is allowed free reign around the neighbour. When it is time for meal, she will then head back to her home. That is what I call faithfulness. =) Even man can't do that! Haha..

Oh I think I have done a major side track from my misery at work to animals. Anyway, I hope this post entertain you guys. Since majority of it is about animals, this post shall be dedicated to ms wendy.

I'm outta here.

Updates

For that split moment, I almost forgotten my sign in password to blogger. This really shows how long I haven't been updating my blog. What a pity since there is so much happening this few weeks. I decided not to blog about all those delibrately now that it is over. Also due to my laziness. Shall let it surface when the urge for me to write about it comes to me.

Every evening, I came home with a load of tired and aching bones. Dragging my feet home every night. Not that there is much to complain at work. It is the good type of tired. It means I really worn myself out working and going out. Its definately the good kind. (though i do wish for more sleeping time)

What can I say? It is still the same me, same dreams and same grouse. Hehe... I thought it will be good for me to update of my recent life, telling you guys that I am well. (very well lah..) Internship has really been exciting!!! And period to exams. (what can i say??)

Just came home from dinner with Xueli. Had a good laugh over silly things. It was really nice to know that some things still remains unchange, especially friendship. =) It definately warms my heart.

Anyway, all my language sense seems to be left at the door replaced my monotous rumbling. I better stop now before I shame myself further. I have to pushed the blame to my tiredness. They are the culprit. Really. I swear.

sister woes

If I have follow my emotions today, it would have been a bad day. Not even Daniel Powter's bad day could have rescue me out of the abyss of frustration. It all boils down again to making choices even whenI don't feel like it.

I had a verbal conflict with my sis this morning. It always started with me using her stuff or wearing her clothes. I don't and cannot understand why couldn't I? We are sisters after all right? Can the kinship of sisterhood be destroyed just because the owner of a sweater demands to wear it for that day and thus make the other person take it off? I guess for my sister, it could be. How sad to know it.

It sounds even more pathetic if you have eavedrops on our conversation this morning..

Sis: Have you seen my black sweater?
Me: Yea, I'm gonna wear it.
Sis: I AM GOING TO WEAR IT (walking away and knowing that she has win the arguement).

That's all she needs to say. And me, struggling with my own emotions, withhelding myself by slashing her, hard with my words. But I hold my tongue, instead I walk away. Walking away doesn't make a person weak. Sometimes, it takes stregth to keep quiet too. So I sat there pondering hard how can I love a person that is so unloveable? We even quarrel over tissue paper! 30cents/packet! Such an insignificant object could make me see a person's heart. Such a selfish, self-centred heart?

Has she has no respect for her flesh and blood? Respect is too diplomatic a word. Or should I say, has she has no love for her own sis?

No, there isn't any love.

I would determined by that piece of tissue paper. That's is the measure of her love for her sister. Cheaper than a litmus paper, but it direct me the colour of her heart. Neither blue nor red.

Is this the measure of her heart?

I fear so....

Why has we gone so far from each other? How can two person be so similar yet has become so different at the same time? How has the distance crept between us, leaving only a gap to fill the void?


Slowly but gradually...
Unknowingly but eventually...

That is how it happen.

All about love

I have witnessed a marriage solemnization today at Fort Canning ROM. When the couples were exchanging their marriage vows, a single tear slide down my cheek. At that moment, I was touched by the promises that the man and wife have vow to keep. And I thought to myself: "such a sacred union that God has created when He intend man to leave his parents and stay with his wife.

I pray that when I have found the man that is worthy for me to exchange such vows with, we'll keep the promises we made in our heart.

I feel honoured to be invited by my good friend in her matrimony. And I pray that her marriage will last her lifetime.

However, I couldn't help myself but to think of the other side of the coin. (No implication to anyone) In this perverse world, it is a commonplace for adultry and divorces to take place. Families are broken up and children were force to grow up under dysfunctional environment. People always say "rules are meant to be broken and promises are meant not to be kept". And so, why in the first place will they commit to such dire promises of taking care, caring, comforting and loving another person in the first place? Why make such tall promises that they couldn't keep?

I feel very fortunate and blessed coming from a duo parents family. However, not all my friends are like me. In my younger days, I was naive about the fact that duo parents family are the most natural thing in the world. I haven't heard of any divorce families when I was in my primary school or not even when I am in secondary school. It was until when I was in JC and Poly do I encounter such things. Not only that, it seems that increasingly, I came to know more and more friends that are not living with both parents.

I have to say that I am not trying to put these people down. I don't even have the slightest intention to do that. Why I mentioned it is because I feel sad... When parents divorce, children are the worst victims. There is nothing they would want most than to wish for their parents to get back with each other. I swear that it could be their birthday wish every year.

People always ask the age-old question: "What is Love?"

My answer will be this: "It is a delibrate choice we make everyday to love our husband/wife. It is a decision we make to love our wife/husband even when they say something hurtful. It is a conscious choice we make to love no others than our wife/husband.

Love is a choice we decided to make and keep to it.

Love is a choice.

I used to romantizied love thinking that it is all about butterfly in the tummy, dizzy and light-headed feelings we get when that someone is near. It is about sweaty palms and flowery kisses. It is about sugar and spice and everything nice. But it is much more than that.

All these will somehow fades away when one gets into marriage. Feelings are not constant. We can feel love for one day and not so tomorrow. So does it means that when marriage kills the passion of love? No I say. More like the mundane kills the passion.

And so how can passion be kept alive in marriage?

It is a choice we decided to make.

"Let what God has put together not be separated by man". - Such simple words with yet profound understanding.

Cheers to that. Or shall I say "yum sheng"!

Ben

A lot of good things are happening to me recently and most of it involve my family. I am sure that God is hearing my prayers and making things happen for me and my family, especially my borther. I have a closer relationship with him now. And the relationship he has with others are not exclusively with the computer or with the people he met at 'maplestory'. haha. I thank God for that. I am truely glad...

Work's excitment has been picking up. We get to plan their marketing campaign, attend the management meetings and get to organise some of their events for them. We did a proposal for the manager of how we want to run the campaign and he is calling for a meeting tomorrow to hear us out! Wow! And we are only forth day into the job. Can't believe how God has blessed me! Indeed, truely, I am blessed.

However, the down side to all these is waking up early. At 6.30AM to be precised. Even Ben, who has to attend morning assemble at school wakes up later than me. And every morning, the bed seems to have a gravitational pull towards me and I can't say NO to it. =( Sobz.. I thought I'll never be caught saying this, but... I think schoolings are more flexible and I kinda miss it.
Right now, my eyes are failing me as I type this.. I can't go into a slumber just sitting here. Haha...

Hmm.. Another day before everyone from school will officially start their SIP. Crystal and Yilin will start their work at the service apartment, Mais will start her hospitality training, amber at her sunny island of Sentosa. And 5 months later, everyone will go back to TP and share about our experience. 5 months.. Neither fast nor slow. All those that are dear to me will be sorely miss by me, especially those far away, especially those that are in China, particularly Shanghai. Haha *hint hint*

Been reading "The memoirs of Geisha" for over one week and still can't seems to finish it. I guess this is one book that I'll have to put it down halfway. It is not particularly enticing to me, just now my cup of tea i guess. Hmm... Have to catch up on my reading. Just check out the bookstore during the weekend and there are so many new books on the shelves. Hafta get my hands on them before my brains are left on the shelves too..

Alright, hafta go now. Sleepy... yawnnzzz... Night world.


Before the world began, you were on His mind. And every tears you cried was precious in His eyes.

CX 3rd day

I should be sitting in front of the telly set watching 'ghost whisperer' right now but not sure why am i still yacking away in front of the computer. I should be so sick and tired of facing the computer screen considering that this is exactl what I have been doing for the past 3 days.

The first few days of my attachments was spent learning their internal system. Well... quoting from Dakota Fanning in 'uptown girls', "foundations are the building blocks of fun". Well, I hope she is right. my immediate supervisor is a very nice. She has already drawn out some of our internship activities and it seems nothing sort of dull. So excited to really get started.

But really, the down side to it is that i've gotta wake up at 6.30am every morning! Before the sun is up. Just when I thought school is over. Duh! And the 'never-on-time' me have to struggle hard to reach the office before the clock struck 8.30am. So far so good. But its only the 3rd day. Haha...

Well, I guess I don't have much creative juice coming out of me right now. All I could think of is Jennifer Love Hewitt in her lovely vintage dress and 'oh so dramatic' long lashes. ciao.

corporate world

Today mark the last day of my free and easy lifestyle. Starting tomorrow, I'll be thrown into the dog eat dog working world. Sounds scary huh.. Well, to me at least. I'll be the Shenton way girl clucking my heels up and down the pavement. Have to figt with all the crowds! Oh man, I HATE CROWDS. Everywhere I turn, I'll see them. They erked me like hell. Tsk tsk tsk..

The only good thing that came out of this is that these few days, i have been shopping for my work clothes. Shoes, clothes, bags and you name it.. Hehe... Retail therapy is the best therapy, or so they say. Hehe... Looking my best so as to leave a lasting impression!

So i guess today will be my sabbath day. Doing nothing but relaxing my mind, willing it to get ready for work tomorrow.

Just last saturday, I caught the show "Devil wears Prada" and it reminded me of how it might be working in the real world. But then the purpose of watching the show is actually to admire those fashion label and little did I know that there is a moral behind the story. I think everyone should really go watch it. It is very entertaining.

I guess I better stop here. Wait till my attachment start, I think there will be more things to blog about. Till then. Ciao

Zouking

Life is about simple pleasures.

Sitting at the desk, peering through the window secretly admiring the rain, sipping sweet tea and reminising these all too familiar feeling of freedom. Exams, projects and school work all behind me now. Nothing is more important right now than to indulge in my life's most prize possessions - simple pleasures. I thank God for them.

This exact moment is all too good to be true. The chilling breeze caressing my bare skin, the warm feeling in my stomach from the hot tea, the smell of the mixture of rain and soil, sitting at the computer hitting off the keyboard, the freedom I enjoy within. I wouldn't want to exchange it to be anywhere in the world. Not even Aussie. Not really anyway. You know what I mean...

After being through these past few tormenting weeks of studying and being trapped at home, this new-found freedom is really a bonus for me before I begin my routine of work-eat-sleep. Work is starting next wednesday. So technically speaking, I have (counting) 6 days before that. Hooray!

Yesterday unOfficially marks to end of my studying life in poly. Therefore me and the rest of them can't wait to put on our dancing shoes and go Zouking! (me, crystal, yilin, YQ, cassandra, her bf; joe, mais, avril, gary, phyllis) Man, that is THE club. Or rather mambo night. Really suspected that I was born in the wrong era. How can anyone miss out growing up in the mid 60s&70's? The music, fashion, cultural and beliefs are all overwhelmingly rich. I would love to be part of all that culture revolution! And stepping into Zouk last night was like a blast to the past. The music, the hand signal movement/dance, spotting a pseudo Elvis Presley (yeah we really saw him with the exaggerated hairdo) is so rich for me. Soaking into the atmosphere. Maisie and Avril was semi-drunk and saying silly things, swaying from side to side. Haha.. its a classic man! A pity that yilin and crystal gotta run but promise to post up some pictures of yesterday when I got it.

So for today, enjoy the weather, stop and smell the roses. It might just lift the gloomy spirit within you!

Today is the day that the Lord has made, so let us be glad and rejoice with it.

poet in the making

Thank You for the cross






The crown of thorns, the blood you shed and the weight of the cross are borned by You for me.




Why do I felt so alone, walking down this stony road.
You promised that You will never leave me but when I turned around, You weren’t there.
Where are you my Lord, I cried, but You were nowhere within my sight.
You must have not hear me call or even remember me at all.

Why do tears drench my pillow every night, and there is no one there when I cry.
You promised that You will never forsake me but when I turned around, You weren’t there.
Are you there, my Lord, I cried, but the answer never once came by.
You must have not hear me call or even remember me at all.

I went to sleep with tears in my eyes and I had a dream about You that night.
You look so sad and there were tears in Your eyes.
I know You have been crying and I asked you why.
This is what You said to me and I never forget the look in your eyes:

Precious child, oh haven’t I, because of you, I’ve send my dearest son to die.
On the cross of calvery, my son was brutally crucified.
My heart aches beyond description but I have to pretend not to hear him cry.
How I wish I could bring him to my side, but the darkest hour he must die.

Precious child, oh haven’t I, love you so much that I came to die.
I have not leave you nor forsake you.
I have seen all your tears and hear your cries.
I wish You could know that I am always by your side.

Don’t ask me when or ask me why.
You should know that I have loved you with all my might.
You are the apple of my eyes.
My love for you was amplified through the death of Jesus Christ that night.

I wake up the next morning with tears in my eyes.
I didn’t know I was so precious in Your sight.
You are here, my Lord, always there by my side.
Surely You have heard me call and never not remember me at all.

Presentation flop

KTV Frenzy with the PAW gang.




The New and Improved Ubercool haircut. I wish.







Dumb and Dumber. Of course Jorine looks dumber!

Dinner and Fireworks at Marina Bay with My Ladies. Missings are Yi Ling and Xueli .

Pictures are taken 2 weeks ago on the fireworks night. Finally found my nokia pc suite cable and thus the luxury of posting our pictures on my blog.

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Time: 1am

Got a sudden urge to blog and so I jumped off my bed and switch on the computer. Such incidents are becoming rarer. So I guess my muse gotta work overtime tonight. Time for a change anyway.

We learn new things everyday right? So, I've discovered that I'm afraid of public speaking. I used to think that I do alright doing presentation but standing in front of the lecture group today makes me think again. I mean, what's so hard about standing in front of people, allowing them to put on their scrutinizing glasses and inspect every words you say? Besides, you are very well prepared right?

Wrong. Think again. And again.

Words flee from my mind the moment I stood at the lectern. Few seconds later, I manage to find my tongue but did not deliver the impressive presentation that I hope for. Such a disappointment. What exactly happen?

Then upon further thinking, I think it wasn't just stage fright or bad presentation skill but rather it stem from my other personal issues. I reckoned my high expectation, critical nature and fear of people are the culprit behind all these. High expectation makes me want to overachieve and thus exert heaps of pressue on me. Since someone like me can hardly settle for second best, we make sure that we have to be the best before we can have the best. This mentality drove us to the brim of our capability and very often it backfire. And also since I'm rather critical of people, I'll expect people to be critical of me. By standing in front of everyone, it is as if I am exposing myself for citicism. Yuckz The thought of that already makes me shiver. I should probably go easy on others as well as myself.

As you see, it is really tough being me. Haha. How did I survive 22 years of being with myself? A perfectionista. Its really a tough challenge being me. =)

But then something is changing! I'm undergoing a personality makeover for myself. Realised that in the past, I was very depressed and negative. But I've got a CHOICE to change that. So I made that choice and try to be more positive and joyful. It's painful because I'm still paying for the consequences of my old habits. Changes is always painful right?!

Anyway, last week I mentioned that I wanted to join a kickboxing class right? Decided to really get my ass moving. So tomorrow meeting Jorine to sign up for the class and it commence this saturday. Have to start moving those squeaky joints and kick some ass. =) Feel so proud of myself. Because I'm not someone whom will take up something easily. Friends around me are always telling me the stuff that they are learning and I always don't have guts to join in. That has to do with my perfectionist and procrastinating streak. Perfectionist so have to make sure that whatever I join, I have to perform my best and thus not daring to commit. (Don't get me started on this again!) Procrastinating because of perfectionism. (Doesn't make sense?)

So come this saturday, I'll don on my sporty attire and start my exercise regime. That reminds me that I need to go get some sport apparels at the sport shops. $ spent again. *shake head*

Wow, its fast approaching 2am now and I'm still so awake. Before this, I had some bailey (the new bailey caramel, yummy!) to help me get into sleep mode but it seems I'm more awake than a vampire. But I guess I better go do some eyes shut.

Night world.

Planetshakers

It was a long day today. Church service in the morning, KTV session with church's celebration ministry friends and dinner with my ladies. It was really a long day, but definately fulfilling and fun!

Church service was so dynamic! If there is one word I can use to describe it, it will be "Explosive". FCBC was blessed with the Planetshakers during worship and they truely rock the house down. The keyboard guy is cute! =) If you guys does not know who are the planetshakers, they are like the "Red Hot Chilli Pepper" equivalence of the Christian's music scene, only hotter, better and cuter! haha and I am so biased.

Recently I am hanging out often with my church's music ministry friends. We served in the church choir together. Shall call them PAW for short. (Praise and Worship) The KTV was so fun and funny, many thanks to Hope! Shall post up some pictures after I receieved it so you guys know what I am talking about. The thing about them is that there are about 15-20 of us altogether. For those who truely know me, I seldom mix with such big group of people. The maximum I would go is usually 6. So I guess I have a lot of things to get use to. Big group outing is usually very troublesome and involve heaps of waiting time. But it also invloves tonnes of laughters and even more laughters. Till a point i could get stitches.

Then the dinner with them was at Sakae sushi and some major photo sharing session. Xueli's boyfriend finally came out of the closet today. If I still didn't get to see that guy, I will seriously think that my friend, Xueli, is seriously having mental hallucination about her imaginary boyfriend. Haha.. Thank God she isn't. Alright just kidding, she'll probably disown our friendship if she knows I say this but then again, I don't think she knows my blog address. *grinz*

Wayne called me this evening and asked me to go out. =) Too bad that it was too last minute if not I really wish to catch up with him. Haven catch up properly with him for eons. That's the problem with everyone. Everyone is so last minute. We are living in this instant noodle, microwave and emailing era that we expect things to go our way within minutes. Everything should just be a phone call away? I am so guilty of that too but everyone is practicing that that if I don't comply with that rule, I am not cool. Hmmm... Just what the world is going to?

There are so many things to blog about right now but I have to retire. There is a huge presentation tomorrow and I have to prepare the script. Unfortunately, one very irresponsible 'kid' (man/guy was too good for him) from my group decided to play sick tomorrow. (I could probably play doctor too but whatever?!?) So that mean extra load on the rest. But then again this isn't the first time. I reckon that either he is so good at blocking out guilt feeling or he don't even have a heart in the first place. I always believe that if one cannot do small things, how can one accomplishes big things? How can one open and operate a business why one can't even get his ass to school for proj meeting/presentation/or even hand up a DECENT piece of work?

Am i being too harsh here??

NOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
(Pronounce in a very S.L.O.W way as described by Russell Peters when he imitate the chinese shopkeeper)

Fireworks

Earlier, we (jinwen, jorine and meiyun and I) went out for dinner at Marina south and do some catching up. We stuffed our faces with food and we were so bloated thereafter. However the highlight wasn't the food. We were treated with a few million dollars show right before our very eyes. The NDP prelude fireworks. It lasted for about 5 minutes. They are the prettiest thing I have ever seen. They were 'physically' (haha) right in front of us. The gold dust seems to be falling upon us like anointing from heaven. =) God choose the perfect place, weather and companions for me this evening.

The fireworks are really a work of art. And science of course. But to me, there are just magical. But they only lasted for so long. Does all things beautiful only last that fraction of a second? I guess so. Because if we have fireworks all through our life, we wouldn't appreciate the beauty of it. Everything is crafted and perfected in the Potter's hands. And we are merely clays to be transformed into vessels by His hands.

I have a new goal to work towards to. I wanna go ON A DIET. That dreadly phrase that women so love to speak off. But that even dreadly phase that they have to go through. I thought of Briddget Jones. Haha... And of course her granny undies and her fat arse when she slides down the fireman pole. It never fails.

My target is 2kg off by the end of this month. So that means 48 kg by then. Ok ok(my consious is nagging).. I mean 49.5kg, 49.7kg, 49.9kg. Hmmm.. ok ok maybe self denial helps at times. But not times like this. Made some planning with the girls for a badminton session next sunday. I'll probably enroll into a kickboxing class at the C.C downstair after much self persuading. Await my good news. =D

Off to bed now. Church choir tomorrow morning.



For MY power is made perfect in your weakness

Hair cut disaster

I have always been drawing my inspiration material from books but recently I haven't been doing my reading religiously and thus the lack of entries. Probably I could attribute it to my extremely jam-packed schedule from school. Good to know that I have managed to hand in all the work in due time. Remaining is a portfolio (30% done) and a few 'impossible to pass' tests.

I went to have my hair cut yesterday. Now i have really short bangs. Damn I look so weird. I really regretted on not insisting the stylist do what I want rather than what she wants. I think she was revenging on my hair because I've said some really nasty things to her prior to my haircut.

These hair salon nowadays are really blood-suckers. They'll leave the customers sucked dry before they leave their lair. I went to this rather famous hair salon owned by one of the celeb you-know-who. And when she saw me she kept telling me that my hair is soooooo dry, its sooooo ugly because the colours are fading and I must have not gotten a hair cut in months. In order to shut her up and stop her from selling me all those hair packages, this is what I said. "The last time i was here was only 2 months ago, I have a hair cut, colour and hair treatment while I'm at it. If you think my hair really looks unpresentation do you think I should change my stylist?" You should have looked at her stunned face. I'm sure she didn't see that coming. Haha.. I have won back the dignity of my hair.

This coming two weeks will be full of worship and praise session. This evening will be the annual 'festival of praise', next week will be *drummmrrrrrrroooooooooooollllllllll* THE PLANET SHAKERS! Haha... It'll be held at Singapore Expo, Max Pavillion. I have an extra tickets so anyone who is up to it can msg me. It'll be on me. =)

I guess the happiest time I have ever get nowadays is when I am worshipping God. During choir, the air was so charged up and everyone was so into the spirit of worship that all else fades away. The joy in my face finally reflected the joy in my heart. It is in reasonance. =) Everyone should try it.





May the sound of darkness into your marvelous light

Bkk photo

See the menacing sky and the Grand Palace in the backdrop?


Need I say more? Ingredient for friendship; 10ml of care and concern, 10ml of love, 10ml of laughters and tears, 10ml of tolerance, 10ml of faith, add a dash of pepper, a dash of salt, plenty of sugar, served on crushed ice in a marie antoinette glass. =)



Chris and Yi Ling in front of this magnificant architectual structure. This one is where the weapons are kept. There is this stoned face guard that stood outside the gate guarding the entrance.


The force is stong on this one. Many work goes into this. Wonder how many sharks were killed for this one. But sharks kill people right? And we are revenging for those poor people. Let the feasting begin.

Not the London eye itself. Just a replica. But this is good enough for us on this warm night. Just enough for now.


The protagonist standing in front of the Ferris wheel in Suan Luam Night Bazaar. Adrenaline pumping within her knowing that she'll be up there in a few minutes time. No, she ain't afraid of height. No, she ain't afraid really.

Candid shot of the candid girl. What is jOOOrine dOOOing?



The multitudes of vehicles on the streets of Bangkok.

Blurred vision of the passing scenary, the photographer is pleading for the fleeting moment to stay. And it did.

Sleepy eyes, water retention faces, sore bodies and blistered foot but still smiling into the lense. Great job ladies.

Jinwen, in her favourite position. She really deserved the "See who fall asleep at the stangest place first" title. Nobody can even come close. No, I love jinwen. I really do. =)

MBK, the mecca of the shopping icon in the "City of the Angels". In front of her, stood herself, spotting a new hairdo.



Capturing a moment where the 2 of them can call their own. The honking noises from the traffic, the dust, the extremely hot weather cannot strip this joy away. It's intrinic.




The protagonist herself, in Tuk-Tuk, finding joy amidst the crazy traffic on the road of Bangkok. Did she mentioned the weather yet?





The camera caught a glimsp of the Tuk-Tuk driver. They are the dare-devils surfing through the roads and back alley of Bangkok.

The proud General grinning from ear to ear with her battlegains. If she remembers the holes she has burn on her pocket, bet it'll wipe that goofy grin off her face.

Trip to BKK

My muse has gone into hidding. She wasn't in the little closet the last time i've check. There is no trace of her anywhere. Wondering if she has deserted me for good? Or probably she is in search of her very own muse? Or probably she thinks that we both needed a break.

Indeed, how well she understand her master. We both needed a break. The trip to Bangkok appears to be more daunting than relaxing. We have combed every corner of the shopping centres, night bazaar and the infamous Chaktuchat market searching for good buys, fighting against the pollution and traffic in bangkok, declining any 'good intension' from the taxi drivers and also snapping non-stop with our camera. Coming back to the hotel rooms with blisters on our feet and shopping bags as our battle prize. Its a far-cry from a relaxation get-a-away.

But it was all worth it.

It is the sheer idea of traveling that has keep me excited. Not the fancy food, the glittery nightlife, the shopping or even the culture and the people. Well, not all of it anyway.

It was the moment just before the plane takes off at the runway. It was such fleeting moment that I have to grasp hold of. To hold it in my heart. That was the feeling I am after.

Sitting in the plane, I welcome the anticipation of what is to come. The feeling of freedom that empowered me. Allowing me to be who I want to be in a foreign country. Going somewhere that nobody even knows my name. Accepting me just as I am, at face value. Without any excess baggages or pre-determined perception. Just me.

I love that about traveling.

My friends. The girl friends that I traveled with. I know that they are all going to be my friends for life. With that knowledge, it is easy to love them, accept them and sit beside them in silent. Through this trip, I have get to see a different side of them. Everyone of them. Yiling is independent, crazy (calling every black dog she saw on the street 'ah nor' because they resembled her soft toy??) and also streetsmart. I have seen the clueless side of Jorine. I used to think that she knows everything but through this trip, I reckon that there is a part of her wanting to be taken care of. She also yearns to sit back and relax without being in the 'front line' all the time. Jinwen has grown more than I can catch up with her. She has become more indifferent and slowly forgetting the meaning of stopping to smell the roses. She is very accomodating and is very streetsmart. She keeps her knowledge to herself and doesn't flaunt it unless situation calls for it. Well, that's just my perspective of them. They are definately much more than that.

I'll post up some pictures of the trip when I get home.

Hopefully my muse comes back soon. Meantime, I'll be meeting my JC mates later in the evening.

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project blues

Counting down to the trip to BKK: 03days

All day long, the only thoughts that have been occupying my mind is the trip. I have already got a long mental list of the items that I am going to shop for. Ha ha.. I'm gonna be the "Queen of Haggle" and hone my bargaining skill. Have to start polishing it now. Even though, I have heard that the locals are also very good at that too. They make a living out of it, what can i say? I have drawn up an itinerary for the group and it includes the famous sightseeing tour in Grand Palace which includes cruising down the Chao Praya River.

Today was actually a very stressful day. I was confronted with a lot of unfinished work and have no idea how to advance. Work was thrown to me in all direction and I really have no intension to pick them up one by one. But I couldn't resist the temptation inside me. It seems again that I have tried to put everything on myself once again. I questioned myself times and again why do I always come back to this issue with myself. I know very well that I am an extreme perfectionist but I did try to not that ruin my social life. So what happen again this time? Why do I always end up doing other people's work and leave my own with no time to complete? Is my perfectionist streak really that bad that it leaves no room for imperfection? Probably.

Or could it be that I am over critical of myself? Blaming my own perfectionist nature rather than blaming others for being indifferent to their roles? People just don't prove to me that they are capable enough and thus my inability to trust them? Of course there are people whom I have love to work with throughout my entire 3 years and these people shown me that the problem doesn't lies with me. I have no issues with their work and really put my trust in them to do what was needed. Ok. Conclusion: The issue doesn't lies with me.

Haha.. this is really funny coz I am like asking questions and answering them myself. I really tend to do it. Like talking to myself, only this time, stating it in black and white. Actually I have make it a point never to blog about my projects or the members because it seems unethical. But I have to confessed that this entry is really not about the social loafers in the group or to complain about who is not doing what. I know everyone is trying. Its about me understanding myself better and the way I work. Actually I should not even be justifiying myself. Heck, this is my blog. Haha..

I met up with my Wendy just now for dinner and coffee. Haven seen that girl for century. So we did some catching up of her current status in SQ. Her future is furnished with excitments and interests that I would die to have. Not literally, but you know what i mean. The perfect jet-setting lifestyles that I yearn for. Flying to NRT and SYD in august. If she was to tell me she is going MEL, I would really find my way into her luggage and contort my body in that cramp space for 7 hours. =)

I guess I better go and complete my assignment now. Another night of burning the mid-night oil. Thank God for the banana mocha I grapped at starbucks earlier. =) Night people.

random

This photo was the one that I blogged about a few entries back. Daddy's girl.

This is the first photo that was put up in my blog and I'm glad this one makes it to the hall of fame. =)

Been trying to figure out how can I put pictures into the entries and realise that the thing is starring at me right in my face the whole time. And it must have been laughing at my ignorance. I am laughing at my own unwillingnss to learn as well. But I thought that I am going to get it this time. The trip to BKK helps as well since I know I will be taking tonnes of pictures with my buddies for 10 years. This trip is like a celebration of friendships in the name of traveling and fun. Not forgetting woman's first love; shopping.

Nothing much really happen except that I have been having nightmares these few nights. The other night i dreamt that I was in BKK and either all the shops are closed or are selling things that I don't fancy. I can feel such disappointment even in my dreams. And last night, I dreamt of the Amadeus test that I have taken earlier in the day and think that I have not printed the entire itinerary to hand up. What was worse is that, I stupidly entered the ignore button which cancel the entire booking. (I really did that in real life, how dumb!) Hmmm.. I always have the tendency to have nightmares when I am getting stress. So I believe that the nightmares that I have been having these couple of nights are my body way of telling me to slow down. I probably should listen to it as well. What is your body respond to stress?

I have started another novel by Paulo Coelho, the same author who wrote the now famous "Veronika decides to die". This time it is "The Devil and Miss Prym". And the theme of the book is about human's struggle with Good and Evil. I really think that this Paulo guy is really brilliant. Everyone should really get hold of his book. Really. I'll probably do a write up on this once again after I can make sense and digest the stuff he is writing about. =) Hold your breathe in the meantime. haha

What makes up a good day or a bad day? To me, it is the simple things that we often overlook when we are busy trying to get on with our activities. But many times, the best thing in life comes without effort. No matter how much we try to make it happen, it won't. They are just like blessing given by God, if only we are sensitive enough to notice it.

Things that really make my day: (in chronological order)

0. Smiling as you wake up thanking God for today.
1. Waking up and remembering that funny dream that I just had.
2. Knowing that there are breakfast in the kitchen.
3. Standing under the pseduo vichy shower in your bathroom and thanking your mum that she decided to invest in a good, high pressure shower head.
4. Having a good hair day.
5. Finding the perfect outfit in no time that will compliment today's activities.
6. Waiting for the bus for less than 3 minutes and boarding the bus spotting many empty seats.
7. Listening to your mp3 while reading on the bus and knowing that you are early for class.
8. Seeing the familiar faces of your friends or colleugues and them giving you a knowing smile.
9. Receiving a surprise sms from a friend that you haven't been in contact with for some time.
10. Receieving a surprise call from a guy that you are have a crush with! (definately)
11. Someone telling you that the outfit you have chosen really look good on you.
12. Suddenly remembering that your favourite TV show is on tonight.
13. Going to the toilet and catching a glimsp of yourself on the mirror and knowing that you look pretty.
14. Strangers holding the door for you
15. Strangers giving you a smile as they passed you by.
16. Standing in front of the traffic light for less than 2 second when the red man turns green.
17. Day-dreaming of the places you would love to visit. (Melbourne & Santorini!)
18. Going home and taking a bath and again thankful for the high pressure shower head. (haha)
19. Decide to indulge in reading a book on your bed.
20.Watching your favourite TV show and thinking that Gabe is really spontaneous, Tony's funny, Renee is the girl next door, Josh is getting more and more charming and Tiffiny is still as grumpy.
21. Lying on your bed and knowing that you have another 7 hours of sleep before you start another amazing day that might be filled with surprises!

Hmm.. That's it for me. Simple things which take for granted. Things that we tried so hard to make happen actually comes without effort. What makes my day today? I guess it was the sweet message that Shane sent me this morning when I wake up, watching 5takes rerun on channel 16, watching the tv mobile on the bus ride to school, someone telling me I'm beautiful =), meeting yuanyuan for lunch and writing down my thoughts right now. =) What's going happen later will be later's problem. Right now, I'm blissed.



me, out.

Backpacking aborigines?

Why do we sometimes have to do things we don't really want to do? Like sitting through a 2 hour business enterprise lecture or even going out with someone when you don't feel like going out? I guess it is our obligations? Obligations as a student or as a friend or some roles that we need to play at that particular moment. I was at the lecture this afternoon and was spaced out. The 2 hours were unbearable and even time seems to be working against gravity. So glad that there will be no lectures for 2 weeks.

The power of influence is really very great. It has the ability to percolate into our mind without even us realizing it. I realised that my obsession with traveling and Australia have more effects on my brother than I ever realise. Yesterday night I was tutoring my brother how to answer comprehension question (the one with long and difficult passenge and asked you to answer questions and do a summary? My worse nightmare)) and this joke came about. It was just a coincidence that the article was about Australia. It was about the early settlers of Australia versus the aborigines.

The question went like these: "The aborigines (i) built no villages, (ii)planted no cereals". Write out the following sentence, filling in each blank with one word which convey the same information.

"The aborgines led a ______ life and had not developed the science of _______."

That stumbled my brother and he asked for clue. So I asked him: "So who are people who don't stay at one place permanently and travel around?"

His sincere reply without even to stop and think:" Since it is the Australian and they move around...

"The aborgines led a backpacker's life and had not develop th science of ________."

You should have seen his face at that moment. He really thought that was the answer. He looked at me with hopes in his eyes wishing that he gotten the correct answer.

It was then I knew that a) my brother's standard of English is really as bad as I was when I was his age. b) he must have been so influenced by me telling him of all the traveling tales and my desire to backpack Australia and c) he is really a silly goose.

We laugh a loud for a whole five minutes. Isn't the term "backpackers" coined only during the last few decades or so? Aborigines backpackers? hahaha

Then coming to the second part, I was so afraid that his answer would be gardening. Haha... With reference to my previous post, he could have said that though. Thank God he didn't.

I thought it was really funny and tell myself this is definately going into my hall of fames of lame jokes. =)

Marian Keys, under the duvet

I guess it could be time to clear off some of the dust that was collecting on my blog for the past 2 weeks. Haven't had the luxury to write for this period because I have been swarmed by work and projects. Yesterday was the end of my 2 week assignment at the company and was rewarded by this fat check. It was fat to me anyway. Every effort was worth it. The complaints from agents, the long hours on the desk facing the computer and even the extremely cold air conditioning. The money thawed everything that was negative away. =) I'm so money-minded that I can't stand myself. *grinz*

You know just 2 weeks at raffles place, I have put on almost 2kg. I cant imagine what will happen to me after my 5 months internship starts in september. How much will i gained? *counting* Woah, go figure.

Once again, I am back to being a student when monday starts. I used to complaint to everyone that I hate being a student and can't wait for me to really start working full time. I guess I really have to eat all my words. Its not that I finally realise how sickening it is to work but it is the realisation that I won't have the luxury of the flexibilty of time. I can't be spontaneous on a weekday and hit the beach as and when I feel like it. I'll most probably be strucked on my work desk replying emails. Or i can't go shopping during the low peak hours and have the shop assistances' attention all to myself. Haha.. Narcissitic right?

During these 2 weeks, been doing a lot of readings. Read 3 books in total. My favourite being Marian Keys; Under the Duvet. It is a compilation of many short articles she have writen for her magazine publications. And all those stories have a little pieces of me resounding in her stories. She was inspired to be a journalist when she was younger and her stories inject all the little humourous details of her life. Like her pre-wedding disasterous spa encounter, her struggle with the bottle, her husband whom she lovingly address as 'Himself', her fetish for shoes and also her article on gardening.

To quote from her from "Too fast to Live, Too young to Garden", she mentioned something which I have always struggle with. It was a revelation to my life.

Extracts: "I got the shock of my life when I realised that the green stuff beyond the window (her garden) was my responsibility. And that it grew. (the plants) Yes, yes, I know its elementary. I knew in theory that grass got longer, that weeds appeared in flower-beds, that hedges got out of control if they weren't tended. I just never before thought that any of these facts applied to me.

To apply it to me, I knew that my rooms will get messier if the bed wasn't made or the stack of books were continually piled up beside my beds. But it just never occur to me that I was the one that need to pack it. Seriously, I am not trying to push away the responsibilty of housework. I really just didn't occur to me that all these applies to me.

Or I know that we all need money to go through our daily life. People work for a living and get paid at the end. I always thought that I can be excused from that. Like money will suddenly appear before me andI won't need to work so hard for that. My ex boyfriend, ZQ, knows about this and always reprimand me that life is not as easy and money won't drop from the sky. I think he really thinks that I am trying to get the easy way out. But what he really didn't know is that I really thought that this rule didn't apply to me. Sure, people work hard for money. But I always thought that that rule didn;t apply on me. I didn't have to. I swear I always thought it was easier for me or it doesn't apply to me. Hmmm.. how wrong I was and imagine the shock I got when I finally realise it.

You might think that it takes a 5 years old child to know all these. The money and the household chore thingy just to name a few. But I really didn't realise all these. Not trying to be funny. Probably I have always been living in my own world with my own set of rules? That's the best explanation I can find. Like a parallel universe that Alice was in when she was in Wonderland. My parallel universe consist of rules that are working to my benefits and are easy on me. Therefore I grew up blocking out most of the obvious things in life and living in my own world. And as I grew older, I am forced to understand that the world doesn't work this way and therefore, I am having a very hard time trying to accept all these 'rules' that I have been trying to ignore all my life. Its really hard to come out and see what the real world is like.

You might not even know what the hell I am blabbering about here but it makes perfect sense to me. I was worried it doesn't come out right because I didn't know how to articulate it into words but I think I finally understand what is the problem with me. I write more for my own understanding than for the readers.

It really scares me because I realise that what I have always thought was right was not anymore. Life was harder than that. Coming out of the closet was a hard thing for me to do. Because it is finally admiting that I am not the special one that will always get away with things. I need to work for what I want. Kinda sad right?

I have writen enough, know enough and realise enough to know that this is enough to stop before I write more, know more and realise more about myself. This is it for now.

Daddy's girl

Once a daddy's girl, always a daddy's girl!

We went Long Beach Restaurant to celebrate my dad's birthday and the total bill came up to a whopping $436.00++. Unbelieveable. We had such a good time together. Took some really cute pictures of mum and dad. They are married for 20 over years, and that's a real achievement i must say. People nowadays take marriage as a game that they can toy around with. Even if marriage is a game, my parents play to WIN.

I can see from my parents' eyes that they are falling in love with each other all over again. How sweet.... Awwww... They are so lovey dovey to each other, holding hands and going for long walks, looking out for each others and the smile on my mum's face.... I feel so happy for them.

Its such a wonderful feeling to fall in love again with the person you are married to for over two decades. I would want that too.

Absences REALLY make the hearts go fonder. It was proven by my parents.

As usual, I'm the daddy's girl. Since young, i was the one that clings onto my daddy's apron. I simply adore him! When i was still a child, i used to jump onto his back and he would piggy-back me the whole journey home. I would fall asleep on his back knowing that I'm in safe hands. Today, I relinquish this childhood experience. Innocently, I asked him. "Pa, ke yi bei wo mah?" Without saying a word, he stood in front of me with the bend shoulder. I jumped on him and he carried me for awhile.

We were transported back in time.

Everyone simply faded into the background and the moment held great significance to both of us. Silent speak on our behalf as words seems too inadequate for both of us.

He had aged more than I remember. I want to tell him that I'll love him forever but I held my words. I know that he knows it in his heart.

I am still my daddy's girl. And he knows that I know that I am always the special one that he most loved.

I never learn my lesson

I seldom learn my lesson. Just a year ago, I was presented with this preposition and I struggle with it for awhile. In the end I throw everything that I wanted to believe in to feed my selfish desire. In the end, I got burn on my finger or rather my heart. It was a painful experience I told myself I will not get into again. A year later, the almost same situation appears and I find myself drawn to it again. What a shame... Why can't i simply switch off and just ignore that naggying feeling inside me? I could pull the brake anytime but I couldn't bare to do.

It is like falling in love with the wrong person. You know you shouldn't do it but you just couldn't help it. You know that it will be painful in the end but you still want a go at it. There are a thousand reasons for you not to love that person but you only choose to look at the few good reasons. (According to human behaviour studies, this is perceptual denfence) We began to give rationalisation in our mind to tell ourselves that these few good traites are enough to cover the thousand other bad ones. Bollocks!

Or like any sort of addiction. You know that it is something you are not suppose to do it but it is too late to stop. It has become the master of you. Soon, your whole focus on life is limited to just what you are lusting over. You began to stop functioning in real life and build a world of your own. People on the outside who used to be those that you dearly love are now a hindrance to you and your addictions.

Human are like that aren't we? We know something is dangerous but yet we want to have a taste of that thrill. Just a tinnie winnie bit of it. But before we know it, it got us hook.

Maybe it was because of the instinct of Man. To err is human right? Costa just now told me that it was impossible to go against the human nature of man. I think he is only half right.

It is impossible to go against human natural if we do it by our strength. But with supernatural strength that comes from above, I know that we can overcome it.

So what is human nature? To me, human are;

Selfishness; humans are self-centric and think mainly for themselves.

Greedy; we are run by the idea of the more the better.

Discontented; the infamous 99Club. It was once told that a King has everything and was never happy. One day, he saw a commoner who was so happy even though he had not enough to eat. Th King asked his advisor what is the reason for that joy and his advisor replied: "That's cuz he wasn't in the 99 Club". Few days later, the commoner received a bag of money with exactly 99 gold coins in it. He searched high and low for that missing 1 coin so that he could have 100 coins but he couldn't find it. So he worked hard to earn that 1 coin. But he realised that 100 is not enough and worked harder to earn more coins to put into that bag. From that day onwards, he worked hard, become aggressive and cold in order to get what he wants. He was no longer happy like when the King saw him. He has joined the 99Club.

And there is so much more. But i just thought I'll stop here. Don't want to make myself more depress by thinking about the ugly side of us. There are of course the good sides too.

-----------------------------Pour some thoughts over this------------------------------------

I've just started working at a tour operation company on thursday. Its office is at Raffles Place. The place where the corporate bloodbath take place from monday to friday. In the morning, people stormed out of the subways with a blank look tranfixed on their faces, all lacking in emotions. Some even have those 'killer looks' drilled into their expressions as if saying: "Step on me and I'll kill you". There I am in the train trying to smile to anyone that will look my way but failing miserably. No one will look. And even those fews that did, look at me as if I am some sort of moron.

Hey! I'm just trying to brighten their morning right?

I realise that the best way to cure a monday blues is to listen to the song "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. It sounds ironic but it is true! It has worked on me on many occassions and haven't fail yet. So try it if you are having those sort of 'monday blues'. It works even on tueday, wednesday and thursday too. And before you know it, its TGIF!

Hmmm.. coming back to the people, they are like robots. And I know that if I continue to work in that place, I'll be transformed into one as well. Oh my, how am I going to survive my SIP for 5 months??? Someone please kill me.

Alright, just kidding about the last one. Ha ha

I have really been putting serious thoughts about going Melbourne alone in Sept before my SIP starts. But I think i can hardly afford my expences after the tickets and accommodation. Shane mentioned that I could bunk in with him for a few days. Will see how it goes.. Hopefully it turn out alright. Maybe I may be able to go after all.

Real looking forward to later. My DAD is coming back from Guangzhou after 4 months away from us. Its his birthday tomorrow and he wants to surprise us by coming back. So he gave such a short notice to us and I've go to cancel most of my prior committments. But no complains! Haha... I miss him so... And this weekend gonna be a blast!

Till then.

She decides to die

I thought that I might want to continue the story of Veronika...

As mentioned in my previous blog, the doctor diagnose her a death sentence due to irreversible damage to her organs by the drug and she was left with only 1 week to live. She might die the next minute or hour. And it was during this time when she fall in love with a man, Eduard.

If i am in her shoe, knowing that I would die any instance and at the same time falling in love with a man, that thought is enough to kill me. What would I have done? Falling in love is about butterflies in the stomach and anticipating sweet romance. But what have got a half-dead girl to anticipate about?

Ok, I felt that the end was rather anti climatic if I were the one to narrate it. You got to read the whole book to feel its essense. But I'm still gonna spoil it for everyone. *evil grinz*

The doctor in the mental hospital was writing a thesis on the cure for this drug that Veronika took; Vitriol. He uses Veronika as his tester. When Veronika was admitted to the hospital, he had already clear her system of the drug. Instead he gave her a daily dose of injected to stimulate 'heart-attacks' on her to induce her into thinking that she is really going to die. Therefore in the 1 week where Veronika live, thinking that it was her last, she make use of the time in doing what she always wanted to do but do not have to courage to pursue it. She pushed her limited of her dreams, sexual desire and personality into doing things she would never do. She fall in love not fearing of being hurt as she thought she is going to die anyway.

Yes, the doctor trick everyone.

His conclusion of the thesis is "An awareness of death encourage us to live more intensively". And that is so true. Like I've always say. Sing like nobody is listening, dance like nobody is watching, love like its not gonna hurt and live like there is no tomorrow. However, after being a Christian, I know of a thing called ETERNITY. So for me its like; 'live like there is no tomorrow, but exercising caution because there is this thing called ETERNITY.

That's another story altogether. Another time..

Anyway, the story ends rather aruptly. It ended with Veronika and Eduard eloping from the hospital as Veronika doesn't want to die there. So Veronika still doesn't know of the truth about her condition. Only the readers know it.

Its a good story with a good ending. I felt that there is no better way to end it. People always want happy endings. But in this case, I thought an ambiguous ending suit the style of writing. We know the truth but yet we are unsure of how it ends.

Will Veronika try to kill herself again because it is unbearable for her to wait for her own death knowing that she rather live?
Or will she cherish every second of it from this point on?

Life is a big question mark only God can put a full stop to it.

City of God

Something is wrong with me tonight. Very often when my head hits the pillow, I'll be fast asleep before you can say 'good night'. But not tonight. Not even after reading a couple of chapters from "Veronika decides to die."

Anyway, its a very good novel, courtesy of ms tyl. The story is about Veronika (duh!) who tried commiting sucide. Her reason to die was not because she was tired of living or cuz she was sad or was inflicted with depression. It was because she felt indifferent to life. Monotone in her feelings. And after swallowing tonnes of pills, she woke up in a mental hospital realising that she was not dead. Not yet anyway. Doctor told her she had another week to live. Her liver was irreverisbly damage by the chemical that she had forced into her body. And it was during this 1 week where she find that she don't have to be indifferent to life. Something invoke inside her that makes her feel that there is much more to life than she thought there is. She was afraid for the very first time because she wanted to live. But she was going to die.

What invoke that passion for Veronika to live? A man nevertheless. The man who is a schizo who has a vision of paradise. I really can identify with that man. Because I have my very own version of my vision of paradise. What's wrong with me? Finding myself and identifying with a mad man?

Well, I have yet to complete the book but I felt so sad for the protagonist in the story. It was like trying to commit suicide by jumping off a very very very tall building. Think Petronas Tower times 100. You are at the speed of free fall. And halfway down the building, you want to hit the brake button because you don't want to die anymore. But you can't. You continue falling and witness your own death with your very own consciousness. What a tragedy to speak off.

Moral of the story? When you want to kill yourself, make sure that you die straight away.

Haha.. Of course I am crazy. How can anyone be sane at this hour? When your eyes are closing and you are so sleepy. But you just can't sleep. Nothing will make sense. Nah, I'm joking. Of course I disapprove of people taking their own life.

And why am i saying all these?

It must have been the book getting into me. The hour of the night that doing weird things to my mind. But then again, my mind is weird to start with so I can't blame the time. Hmmm...

Earlier in the evening, I finally have the honour to watch "City of God". I thought, since it has won so many nomination at the Emmy's Award, I got to watch it. And its worth every minute of it. But just 1 question. What is the language they are speaking in? It doesn't sound like spanish to me. Just wondering.. Shall find out.

I probably should get back to my book. It has a higher chance for me to fall asleep then sitting in front of the computer. I shall tell of the ending of the book. To see if Veronika actually did die in the end? Or live happily ever after with the schizo handsome man from the mental hospital.

Moments

Time is the essence of life. And how true is that. We can lose big fortune or fail in business but we can always earn it back. But not time. Time has the irreversible factor that makes it so valuable but also at the same time vulnerable. It has the ability to escape from us even before we think about it.

Here I am in my final year thinking back to the time when I first started poly and telling myself that it is gonna be a long 3 years. I should really eat my words. Its the mid term test week again and I have already started school for more than a month. Before I know it, I'll be doing my internship! All these is happening too fast for me to digest it. Too fast.

Time is the essence of life.

Recently, I have all the craziest idea in my head. I am to step out of my comfort zone and do very radical things that I would never have done. Why live life like how other expect me to live? Maybe I was right all along.

I know that in everyone's deepest mind, they believe that they are special. They believe that they are different from everyone else and they will be a cut above the rest. In everyone's mind, they are their own king and queen, prince and princess. They believe that they are a unique individual and no one can come even close. I believe that's how they felt inside. That's how I felt inside anyway. And I know that I am right.

Why be comformed to the world? Why let the world tells you what you should do and not do? Why let people talk you into believing that your dreams are impossible just because they don't dare to dream?

Comformity is the death of creativity.

Nowadays I find myself appreciating the little beauty in life. I'll stop in my track and start taking pictures of my surrounding. A beauty sunset, the sun's ray that got filtered by layers of canopy of branches and leave a trail of disperse lights, a child laughing in the playground and even shadows. I guess I am going crazy. I'm crazy about life. Falling in love with it once again.

I am in love.

I have always saying that life is all about moments. And all these moments sum up to life. My life. =) Its magical.


Thank you Lord.

Bkk trip

The trip to Bangkok with the girls have finally been finalised. We'll depart from SIN on the 6th july and and coming back from BKK on the 9th july. I have been meaning to plan the itinerary for us but really have no time to do it. From what I have gathered, Kao San Road is the place to be. Its like the backpackers paradise in BKK and offers a wide range of retails therapy for the perfect 'shop till you drop' experience. How cool is it!

I guess the girls want to watch some 'cultured' show like the Tiger Show or something similar. But I guess I won't want to join them. From my take from Pei lin who had just came back from BKK, the show leave an unpleasant after-effect. I won't want to be in her shoe. Well, the girls can go and watch it, I'll probably hang out in some bar or do some night shopping. =)

I also wish to go to the palace for photo-taking and take the river cruise. I wonder if we have the time for it. Because time is really short and it is difficult to satisfy everyone at the same time. Everyone will have someplaces that they want to see. But luckily, those that are going are pretty much easy go lucky so I don't see a major issue on this one. Just can't wait for the 6th of July to come.

I saw this piece of information from my school website. They are looking for students some a 1 week student exchange programme to Macau. I am so keen on going and decided to email my tutor and sign up for it. Apparently, there are only 20 students that will be chosen from all over the world. I guess TP will be sending the most 2 students to take part? I hope I'll be one of them. But the drawback is that I got to pay for my own programme fees but heavily subsidy by the school. Let's just hope that money will not be an issue this time. If not i'll have to sell tissue in coffee shops.

Hmm... Shall stop now. Its my bro's turn to use the computer. My mum just bought him this new pc which cost more than $2000. Personally, I felt that it is so stupid to buy a computer rather than a laptop. Apple ibook cost only a fraction of that. $1600 to be exact. But my mum, as usual, dote on my brother so much just buy him what he wants (and deprive me of my Macau exchange programme). She says the reason to buy a computer is to make him stay at home to play games rather than going out. If she buys a lap top, he will be taking it out to play. I guess she has a point too...