I seldom learn my lesson. Just a year ago, I was presented with this preposition and I struggle with it for awhile. In the end I throw everything that I wanted to believe in to feed my selfish desire. In the end, I got burn on my finger or rather my heart. It was a painful experience I told myself I will not get into again. A year later, the almost same situation appears and I find myself drawn to it again. What a shame... Why can't i simply switch off and just ignore that naggying feeling inside me? I could pull the brake anytime but I couldn't bare to do.
It is like falling in love with the wrong person. You know you shouldn't do it but you just couldn't help it. You know that it will be painful in the end but you still want a go at it. There are a thousand reasons for you not to love that person but you only choose to look at the few good reasons. (According to human behaviour studies, this is perceptual denfence) We began to give rationalisation in our mind to tell ourselves that these few good traites are enough to cover the thousand other bad ones. Bollocks!
Or like any sort of addiction. You know that it is something you are not suppose to do it but it is too late to stop. It has become the master of you. Soon, your whole focus on life is limited to just what you are lusting over. You began to stop functioning in real life and build a world of your own. People on the outside who used to be those that you dearly love are now a hindrance to you and your addictions.
Human are like that aren't we? We know something is dangerous but yet we want to have a taste of that thrill. Just a tinnie winnie bit of it. But before we know it, it got us hook.
Maybe it was because of the instinct of Man. To err is human right? Costa just now told me that it was impossible to go against the human nature of man. I think he is only half right.
It is impossible to go against human natural if we do it by our strength. But with supernatural strength that comes from above, I know that we can overcome it.
So what is human nature? To me, human are;
Selfishness; humans are self-centric and think mainly for themselves.
Greedy; we are run by the idea of the more the better.
Discontented; the infamous 99Club. It was once told that a King has everything and was never happy. One day, he saw a commoner who was so happy even though he had not enough to eat. Th King asked his advisor what is the reason for that joy and his advisor replied: "That's cuz he wasn't in the 99 Club". Few days later, the commoner received a bag of money with exactly 99 gold coins in it. He searched high and low for that missing 1 coin so that he could have 100 coins but he couldn't find it. So he worked hard to earn that 1 coin. But he realised that 100 is not enough and worked harder to earn more coins to put into that bag. From that day onwards, he worked hard, become aggressive and cold in order to get what he wants. He was no longer happy like when the King saw him. He has joined the 99Club.
And there is so much more. But i just thought I'll stop here. Don't want to make myself more depress by thinking about the ugly side of us. There are of course the good sides too.
-----------------------------Pour some thoughts over this------------------------------------
I've just started working at a tour operation company on thursday. Its office is at Raffles Place. The place where the corporate bloodbath take place from monday to friday. In the morning, people stormed out of the subways with a blank look tranfixed on their faces, all lacking in emotions. Some even have those 'killer looks' drilled into their expressions as if saying: "Step on me and I'll kill you". There I am in the train trying to smile to anyone that will look my way but failing miserably. No one will look. And even those fews that did, look at me as if I am some sort of moron.
Hey! I'm just trying to brighten their morning right?
I realise that the best way to cure a monday blues is to listen to the song "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. It sounds ironic but it is true! It has worked on me on many occassions and haven't fail yet. So try it if you are having those sort of 'monday blues'. It works even on tueday, wednesday and thursday too. And before you know it, its TGIF!
Hmmm.. coming back to the people, they are like robots. And I know that if I continue to work in that place, I'll be transformed into one as well. Oh my, how am I going to survive my SIP for 5 months??? Someone please kill me.
Alright, just kidding about the last one. Ha ha
I have really been putting serious thoughts about going Melbourne alone in Sept before my SIP starts. But I think i can hardly afford my expences after the tickets and accommodation. Shane mentioned that I could bunk in with him for a few days. Will see how it goes.. Hopefully it turn out alright. Maybe I may be able to go after all.
Real looking forward to later. My DAD is coming back from Guangzhou after 4 months away from us. Its his birthday tomorrow and he wants to surprise us by coming back. So he gave such a short notice to us and I've go to cancel most of my prior committments. But no complains! Haha... I miss him so... And this weekend gonna be a blast!
Till then.
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