City of God

Something is wrong with me tonight. Very often when my head hits the pillow, I'll be fast asleep before you can say 'good night'. But not tonight. Not even after reading a couple of chapters from "Veronika decides to die."

Anyway, its a very good novel, courtesy of ms tyl. The story is about Veronika (duh!) who tried commiting sucide. Her reason to die was not because she was tired of living or cuz she was sad or was inflicted with depression. It was because she felt indifferent to life. Monotone in her feelings. And after swallowing tonnes of pills, she woke up in a mental hospital realising that she was not dead. Not yet anyway. Doctor told her she had another week to live. Her liver was irreverisbly damage by the chemical that she had forced into her body. And it was during this 1 week where she find that she don't have to be indifferent to life. Something invoke inside her that makes her feel that there is much more to life than she thought there is. She was afraid for the very first time because she wanted to live. But she was going to die.

What invoke that passion for Veronika to live? A man nevertheless. The man who is a schizo who has a vision of paradise. I really can identify with that man. Because I have my very own version of my vision of paradise. What's wrong with me? Finding myself and identifying with a mad man?

Well, I have yet to complete the book but I felt so sad for the protagonist in the story. It was like trying to commit suicide by jumping off a very very very tall building. Think Petronas Tower times 100. You are at the speed of free fall. And halfway down the building, you want to hit the brake button because you don't want to die anymore. But you can't. You continue falling and witness your own death with your very own consciousness. What a tragedy to speak off.

Moral of the story? When you want to kill yourself, make sure that you die straight away.

Haha.. Of course I am crazy. How can anyone be sane at this hour? When your eyes are closing and you are so sleepy. But you just can't sleep. Nothing will make sense. Nah, I'm joking. Of course I disapprove of people taking their own life.

And why am i saying all these?

It must have been the book getting into me. The hour of the night that doing weird things to my mind. But then again, my mind is weird to start with so I can't blame the time. Hmmm...

Earlier in the evening, I finally have the honour to watch "City of God". I thought, since it has won so many nomination at the Emmy's Award, I got to watch it. And its worth every minute of it. But just 1 question. What is the language they are speaking in? It doesn't sound like spanish to me. Just wondering.. Shall find out.

I probably should get back to my book. It has a higher chance for me to fall asleep then sitting in front of the computer. I shall tell of the ending of the book. To see if Veronika actually did die in the end? Or live happily ever after with the schizo handsome man from the mental hospital.