What makes up a good day or a bad day? To me, it is the simple things that we often overlook when we are busy trying to get on with our activities. But many times, the best thing in life comes without effort. No matter how much we try to make it happen, it won't. They are just like blessing given by God, if only we are sensitive enough to notice it.
Things that really make my day: (in chronological order)
0. Smiling as you wake up thanking God for today.
1. Waking up and remembering that funny dream that I just had.
2. Knowing that there are breakfast in the kitchen.
3. Standing under the pseduo vichy shower in your bathroom and thanking your mum that she decided to invest in a good, high pressure shower head.
4. Having a good hair day.
5. Finding the perfect outfit in no time that will compliment today's activities.
6. Waiting for the bus for less than 3 minutes and boarding the bus spotting many empty seats.
7. Listening to your mp3 while reading on the bus and knowing that you are early for class.
8. Seeing the familiar faces of your friends or colleugues and them giving you a knowing smile.
9. Receiving a surprise sms from a friend that you haven't been in contact with for some time.
10. Receieving a surprise call from a guy that you are have a crush with! (definately)
11. Someone telling you that the outfit you have chosen really look good on you.
12. Suddenly remembering that your favourite TV show is on tonight.
13. Going to the toilet and catching a glimsp of yourself on the mirror and knowing that you look pretty.
14. Strangers holding the door for you
15. Strangers giving you a smile as they passed you by.
16. Standing in front of the traffic light for less than 2 second when the red man turns green.
17. Day-dreaming of the places you would love to visit. (Melbourne & Santorini!)
18. Going home and taking a bath and again thankful for the high pressure shower head. (haha)
19. Decide to indulge in reading a book on your bed.
20.Watching your favourite TV show and thinking that Gabe is really spontaneous, Tony's funny, Renee is the girl next door, Josh is getting more and more charming and Tiffiny is still as grumpy.
21. Lying on your bed and knowing that you have another 7 hours of sleep before you start another amazing day that might be filled with surprises!
Hmm.. That's it for me. Simple things which take for granted. Things that we tried so hard to make happen actually comes without effort. What makes my day today? I guess it was the sweet message that Shane sent me this morning when I wake up, watching 5takes rerun on channel 16, watching the tv mobile on the bus ride to school, someone telling me I'm beautiful =), meeting yuanyuan for lunch and writing down my thoughts right now. =) What's going happen later will be later's problem. Right now, I'm blissed.
me, out.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
Backpacking aborigines?
Why do we sometimes have to do things we don't really want to do? Like sitting through a 2 hour business enterprise lecture or even going out with someone when you don't feel like going out? I guess it is our obligations? Obligations as a student or as a friend or some roles that we need to play at that particular moment. I was at the lecture this afternoon and was spaced out. The 2 hours were unbearable and even time seems to be working against gravity. So glad that there will be no lectures for 2 weeks.
The power of influence is really very great. It has the ability to percolate into our mind without even us realizing it. I realised that my obsession with traveling and Australia have more effects on my brother than I ever realise. Yesterday night I was tutoring my brother how to answer comprehension question (the one with long and difficult passenge and asked you to answer questions and do a summary? My worse nightmare)) and this joke came about. It was just a coincidence that the article was about Australia. It was about the early settlers of Australia versus the aborigines.
The question went like these: "The aborigines (i) built no villages, (ii)planted no cereals". Write out the following sentence, filling in each blank with one word which convey the same information.
"The aborgines led a ______ life and had not developed the science of _______."
That stumbled my brother and he asked for clue. So I asked him: "So who are people who don't stay at one place permanently and travel around?"
His sincere reply without even to stop and think:" Since it is the Australian and they move around...
"The aborgines led a backpacker's life and had not develop th science of ________."
You should have seen his face at that moment. He really thought that was the answer. He looked at me with hopes in his eyes wishing that he gotten the correct answer.
It was then I knew that a) my brother's standard of English is really as bad as I was when I was his age. b) he must have been so influenced by me telling him of all the traveling tales and my desire to backpack Australia and c) he is really a silly goose.
We laugh a loud for a whole five minutes. Isn't the term "backpackers" coined only during the last few decades or so? Aborigines backpackers? hahaha
Then coming to the second part, I was so afraid that his answer would be gardening. Haha... With reference to my previous post, he could have said that though. Thank God he didn't.
I thought it was really funny and tell myself this is definately going into my hall of fames of lame jokes. =)
The power of influence is really very great. It has the ability to percolate into our mind without even us realizing it. I realised that my obsession with traveling and Australia have more effects on my brother than I ever realise. Yesterday night I was tutoring my brother how to answer comprehension question (the one with long and difficult passenge and asked you to answer questions and do a summary? My worse nightmare)) and this joke came about. It was just a coincidence that the article was about Australia. It was about the early settlers of Australia versus the aborigines.
The question went like these: "The aborigines (i) built no villages, (ii)planted no cereals". Write out the following sentence, filling in each blank with one word which convey the same information.
"The aborgines led a ______ life and had not developed the science of _______."
That stumbled my brother and he asked for clue. So I asked him: "So who are people who don't stay at one place permanently and travel around?"
His sincere reply without even to stop and think:" Since it is the Australian and they move around...
"The aborgines led a backpacker's life and had not develop th science of ________."
You should have seen his face at that moment. He really thought that was the answer. He looked at me with hopes in his eyes wishing that he gotten the correct answer.
It was then I knew that a) my brother's standard of English is really as bad as I was when I was his age. b) he must have been so influenced by me telling him of all the traveling tales and my desire to backpack Australia and c) he is really a silly goose.
We laugh a loud for a whole five minutes. Isn't the term "backpackers" coined only during the last few decades or so? Aborigines backpackers? hahaha
Then coming to the second part, I was so afraid that his answer would be gardening. Haha... With reference to my previous post, he could have said that though. Thank God he didn't.
I thought it was really funny and tell myself this is definately going into my hall of fames of lame jokes. =)
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Marian Keys, under the duvet
I guess it could be time to clear off some of the dust that was collecting on my blog for the past 2 weeks. Haven't had the luxury to write for this period because I have been swarmed by work and projects. Yesterday was the end of my 2 week assignment at the company and was rewarded by this fat check. It was fat to me anyway. Every effort was worth it. The complaints from agents, the long hours on the desk facing the computer and even the extremely cold air conditioning. The money thawed everything that was negative away. =) I'm so money-minded that I can't stand myself. *grinz*
You know just 2 weeks at raffles place, I have put on almost 2kg. I cant imagine what will happen to me after my 5 months internship starts in september. How much will i gained? *counting* Woah, go figure.
Once again, I am back to being a student when monday starts. I used to complaint to everyone that I hate being a student and can't wait for me to really start working full time. I guess I really have to eat all my words. Its not that I finally realise how sickening it is to work but it is the realisation that I won't have the luxury of the flexibilty of time. I can't be spontaneous on a weekday and hit the beach as and when I feel like it. I'll most probably be strucked on my work desk replying emails. Or i can't go shopping during the low peak hours and have the shop assistances' attention all to myself. Haha.. Narcissitic right?
During these 2 weeks, been doing a lot of readings. Read 3 books in total. My favourite being Marian Keys; Under the Duvet. It is a compilation of many short articles she have writen for her magazine publications. And all those stories have a little pieces of me resounding in her stories. She was inspired to be a journalist when she was younger and her stories inject all the little humourous details of her life. Like her pre-wedding disasterous spa encounter, her struggle with the bottle, her husband whom she lovingly address as 'Himself', her fetish for shoes and also her article on gardening.
To quote from her from "Too fast to Live, Too young to Garden", she mentioned something which I have always struggle with. It was a revelation to my life.
Extracts: "I got the shock of my life when I realised that the green stuff beyond the window (her garden) was my responsibility. And that it grew. (the plants) Yes, yes, I know its elementary. I knew in theory that grass got longer, that weeds appeared in flower-beds, that hedges got out of control if they weren't tended. I just never before thought that any of these facts applied to me.
To apply it to me, I knew that my rooms will get messier if the bed wasn't made or the stack of books were continually piled up beside my beds. But it just never occur to me that I was the one that need to pack it. Seriously, I am not trying to push away the responsibilty of housework. I really just didn't occur to me that all these applies to me.
Or I know that we all need money to go through our daily life. People work for a living and get paid at the end. I always thought that I can be excused from that. Like money will suddenly appear before me andI won't need to work so hard for that. My ex boyfriend, ZQ, knows about this and always reprimand me that life is not as easy and money won't drop from the sky. I think he really thinks that I am trying to get the easy way out. But what he really didn't know is that I really thought that this rule didn't apply to me. Sure, people work hard for money. But I always thought that that rule didn;t apply on me. I didn't have to. I swear I always thought it was easier for me or it doesn't apply to me. Hmmm.. how wrong I was and imagine the shock I got when I finally realise it.
You might think that it takes a 5 years old child to know all these. The money and the household chore thingy just to name a few. But I really didn't realise all these. Not trying to be funny. Probably I have always been living in my own world with my own set of rules? That's the best explanation I can find. Like a parallel universe that Alice was in when she was in Wonderland. My parallel universe consist of rules that are working to my benefits and are easy on me. Therefore I grew up blocking out most of the obvious things in life and living in my own world. And as I grew older, I am forced to understand that the world doesn't work this way and therefore, I am having a very hard time trying to accept all these 'rules' that I have been trying to ignore all my life. Its really hard to come out and see what the real world is like.
You might not even know what the hell I am blabbering about here but it makes perfect sense to me. I was worried it doesn't come out right because I didn't know how to articulate it into words but I think I finally understand what is the problem with me. I write more for my own understanding than for the readers.
It really scares me because I realise that what I have always thought was right was not anymore. Life was harder than that. Coming out of the closet was a hard thing for me to do. Because it is finally admiting that I am not the special one that will always get away with things. I need to work for what I want. Kinda sad right?
I have writen enough, know enough and realise enough to know that this is enough to stop before I write more, know more and realise more about myself. This is it for now.
You know just 2 weeks at raffles place, I have put on almost 2kg. I cant imagine what will happen to me after my 5 months internship starts in september. How much will i gained? *counting* Woah, go figure.
Once again, I am back to being a student when monday starts. I used to complaint to everyone that I hate being a student and can't wait for me to really start working full time. I guess I really have to eat all my words. Its not that I finally realise how sickening it is to work but it is the realisation that I won't have the luxury of the flexibilty of time. I can't be spontaneous on a weekday and hit the beach as and when I feel like it. I'll most probably be strucked on my work desk replying emails. Or i can't go shopping during the low peak hours and have the shop assistances' attention all to myself. Haha.. Narcissitic right?
During these 2 weeks, been doing a lot of readings. Read 3 books in total. My favourite being Marian Keys; Under the Duvet. It is a compilation of many short articles she have writen for her magazine publications. And all those stories have a little pieces of me resounding in her stories. She was inspired to be a journalist when she was younger and her stories inject all the little humourous details of her life. Like her pre-wedding disasterous spa encounter, her struggle with the bottle, her husband whom she lovingly address as 'Himself', her fetish for shoes and also her article on gardening.
To quote from her from "Too fast to Live, Too young to Garden", she mentioned something which I have always struggle with. It was a revelation to my life.
Extracts: "I got the shock of my life when I realised that the green stuff beyond the window (her garden) was my responsibility. And that it grew. (the plants) Yes, yes, I know its elementary. I knew in theory that grass got longer, that weeds appeared in flower-beds, that hedges got out of control if they weren't tended. I just never before thought that any of these facts applied to me.
To apply it to me, I knew that my rooms will get messier if the bed wasn't made or the stack of books were continually piled up beside my beds. But it just never occur to me that I was the one that need to pack it. Seriously, I am not trying to push away the responsibilty of housework. I really just didn't occur to me that all these applies to me.
Or I know that we all need money to go through our daily life. People work for a living and get paid at the end. I always thought that I can be excused from that. Like money will suddenly appear before me andI won't need to work so hard for that. My ex boyfriend, ZQ, knows about this and always reprimand me that life is not as easy and money won't drop from the sky. I think he really thinks that I am trying to get the easy way out. But what he really didn't know is that I really thought that this rule didn't apply to me. Sure, people work hard for money. But I always thought that that rule didn;t apply on me. I didn't have to. I swear I always thought it was easier for me or it doesn't apply to me. Hmmm.. how wrong I was and imagine the shock I got when I finally realise it.
You might think that it takes a 5 years old child to know all these. The money and the household chore thingy just to name a few. But I really didn't realise all these. Not trying to be funny. Probably I have always been living in my own world with my own set of rules? That's the best explanation I can find. Like a parallel universe that Alice was in when she was in Wonderland. My parallel universe consist of rules that are working to my benefits and are easy on me. Therefore I grew up blocking out most of the obvious things in life and living in my own world. And as I grew older, I am forced to understand that the world doesn't work this way and therefore, I am having a very hard time trying to accept all these 'rules' that I have been trying to ignore all my life. Its really hard to come out and see what the real world is like.
You might not even know what the hell I am blabbering about here but it makes perfect sense to me. I was worried it doesn't come out right because I didn't know how to articulate it into words but I think I finally understand what is the problem with me. I write more for my own understanding than for the readers.
It really scares me because I realise that what I have always thought was right was not anymore. Life was harder than that. Coming out of the closet was a hard thing for me to do. Because it is finally admiting that I am not the special one that will always get away with things. I need to work for what I want. Kinda sad right?
I have writen enough, know enough and realise enough to know that this is enough to stop before I write more, know more and realise more about myself. This is it for now.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Daddy's girl
Once a daddy's girl, always a daddy's girl!
We went Long Beach Restaurant to celebrate my dad's birthday and the total bill came up to a whopping $436.00++. Unbelieveable. We had such a good time together. Took some really cute pictures of mum and dad. They are married for 20 over years, and that's a real achievement i must say. People nowadays take marriage as a game that they can toy around with. Even if marriage is a game, my parents play to WIN.
I can see from my parents' eyes that they are falling in love with each other all over again. How sweet.... Awwww... They are so lovey dovey to each other, holding hands and going for long walks, looking out for each others and the smile on my mum's face.... I feel so happy for them.
Its such a wonderful feeling to fall in love again with the person you are married to for over two decades. I would want that too.
Absences REALLY make the hearts go fonder. It was proven by my parents.
As usual, I'm the daddy's girl. Since young, i was the one that clings onto my daddy's apron. I simply adore him! When i was still a child, i used to jump onto his back and he would piggy-back me the whole journey home. I would fall asleep on his back knowing that I'm in safe hands. Today, I relinquish this childhood experience. Innocently, I asked him. "Pa, ke yi bei wo mah?" Without saying a word, he stood in front of me with the bend shoulder. I jumped on him and he carried me for awhile.
We were transported back in time.
Everyone simply faded into the background and the moment held great significance to both of us. Silent speak on our behalf as words seems too inadequate for both of us.
He had aged more than I remember. I want to tell him that I'll love him forever but I held my words. I know that he knows it in his heart.
I am still my daddy's girl. And he knows that I know that I am always the special one that he most loved.
We went Long Beach Restaurant to celebrate my dad's birthday and the total bill came up to a whopping $436.00++. Unbelieveable. We had such a good time together. Took some really cute pictures of mum and dad. They are married for 20 over years, and that's a real achievement i must say. People nowadays take marriage as a game that they can toy around with. Even if marriage is a game, my parents play to WIN.
I can see from my parents' eyes that they are falling in love with each other all over again. How sweet.... Awwww... They are so lovey dovey to each other, holding hands and going for long walks, looking out for each others and the smile on my mum's face.... I feel so happy for them.
Its such a wonderful feeling to fall in love again with the person you are married to for over two decades. I would want that too.
Absences REALLY make the hearts go fonder. It was proven by my parents.
As usual, I'm the daddy's girl. Since young, i was the one that clings onto my daddy's apron. I simply adore him! When i was still a child, i used to jump onto his back and he would piggy-back me the whole journey home. I would fall asleep on his back knowing that I'm in safe hands. Today, I relinquish this childhood experience. Innocently, I asked him. "Pa, ke yi bei wo mah?" Without saying a word, he stood in front of me with the bend shoulder. I jumped on him and he carried me for awhile.
We were transported back in time.
Everyone simply faded into the background and the moment held great significance to both of us. Silent speak on our behalf as words seems too inadequate for both of us.
He had aged more than I remember. I want to tell him that I'll love him forever but I held my words. I know that he knows it in his heart.
I am still my daddy's girl. And he knows that I know that I am always the special one that he most loved.
Friday, June 09, 2006
I never learn my lesson
I seldom learn my lesson. Just a year ago, I was presented with this preposition and I struggle with it for awhile. In the end I throw everything that I wanted to believe in to feed my selfish desire. In the end, I got burn on my finger or rather my heart. It was a painful experience I told myself I will not get into again. A year later, the almost same situation appears and I find myself drawn to it again. What a shame... Why can't i simply switch off and just ignore that naggying feeling inside me? I could pull the brake anytime but I couldn't bare to do.
It is like falling in love with the wrong person. You know you shouldn't do it but you just couldn't help it. You know that it will be painful in the end but you still want a go at it. There are a thousand reasons for you not to love that person but you only choose to look at the few good reasons. (According to human behaviour studies, this is perceptual denfence) We began to give rationalisation in our mind to tell ourselves that these few good traites are enough to cover the thousand other bad ones. Bollocks!
Or like any sort of addiction. You know that it is something you are not suppose to do it but it is too late to stop. It has become the master of you. Soon, your whole focus on life is limited to just what you are lusting over. You began to stop functioning in real life and build a world of your own. People on the outside who used to be those that you dearly love are now a hindrance to you and your addictions.
Human are like that aren't we? We know something is dangerous but yet we want to have a taste of that thrill. Just a tinnie winnie bit of it. But before we know it, it got us hook.
Maybe it was because of the instinct of Man. To err is human right? Costa just now told me that it was impossible to go against the human nature of man. I think he is only half right.
It is impossible to go against human natural if we do it by our strength. But with supernatural strength that comes from above, I know that we can overcome it.
So what is human nature? To me, human are;
Selfishness; humans are self-centric and think mainly for themselves.
Greedy; we are run by the idea of the more the better.
Discontented; the infamous 99Club. It was once told that a King has everything and was never happy. One day, he saw a commoner who was so happy even though he had not enough to eat. Th King asked his advisor what is the reason for that joy and his advisor replied: "That's cuz he wasn't in the 99 Club". Few days later, the commoner received a bag of money with exactly 99 gold coins in it. He searched high and low for that missing 1 coin so that he could have 100 coins but he couldn't find it. So he worked hard to earn that 1 coin. But he realised that 100 is not enough and worked harder to earn more coins to put into that bag. From that day onwards, he worked hard, become aggressive and cold in order to get what he wants. He was no longer happy like when the King saw him. He has joined the 99Club.
And there is so much more. But i just thought I'll stop here. Don't want to make myself more depress by thinking about the ugly side of us. There are of course the good sides too.
-----------------------------Pour some thoughts over this------------------------------------
I've just started working at a tour operation company on thursday. Its office is at Raffles Place. The place where the corporate bloodbath take place from monday to friday. In the morning, people stormed out of the subways with a blank look tranfixed on their faces, all lacking in emotions. Some even have those 'killer looks' drilled into their expressions as if saying: "Step on me and I'll kill you". There I am in the train trying to smile to anyone that will look my way but failing miserably. No one will look. And even those fews that did, look at me as if I am some sort of moron.
Hey! I'm just trying to brighten their morning right?
I realise that the best way to cure a monday blues is to listen to the song "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. It sounds ironic but it is true! It has worked on me on many occassions and haven't fail yet. So try it if you are having those sort of 'monday blues'. It works even on tueday, wednesday and thursday too. And before you know it, its TGIF!
Hmmm.. coming back to the people, they are like robots. And I know that if I continue to work in that place, I'll be transformed into one as well. Oh my, how am I going to survive my SIP for 5 months??? Someone please kill me.
Alright, just kidding about the last one. Ha ha
I have really been putting serious thoughts about going Melbourne alone in Sept before my SIP starts. But I think i can hardly afford my expences after the tickets and accommodation. Shane mentioned that I could bunk in with him for a few days. Will see how it goes.. Hopefully it turn out alright. Maybe I may be able to go after all.
Real looking forward to later. My DAD is coming back from Guangzhou after 4 months away from us. Its his birthday tomorrow and he wants to surprise us by coming back. So he gave such a short notice to us and I've go to cancel most of my prior committments. But no complains! Haha... I miss him so... And this weekend gonna be a blast!
Till then.
It is like falling in love with the wrong person. You know you shouldn't do it but you just couldn't help it. You know that it will be painful in the end but you still want a go at it. There are a thousand reasons for you not to love that person but you only choose to look at the few good reasons. (According to human behaviour studies, this is perceptual denfence) We began to give rationalisation in our mind to tell ourselves that these few good traites are enough to cover the thousand other bad ones. Bollocks!
Or like any sort of addiction. You know that it is something you are not suppose to do it but it is too late to stop. It has become the master of you. Soon, your whole focus on life is limited to just what you are lusting over. You began to stop functioning in real life and build a world of your own. People on the outside who used to be those that you dearly love are now a hindrance to you and your addictions.
Human are like that aren't we? We know something is dangerous but yet we want to have a taste of that thrill. Just a tinnie winnie bit of it. But before we know it, it got us hook.
Maybe it was because of the instinct of Man. To err is human right? Costa just now told me that it was impossible to go against the human nature of man. I think he is only half right.
It is impossible to go against human natural if we do it by our strength. But with supernatural strength that comes from above, I know that we can overcome it.
So what is human nature? To me, human are;
Selfishness; humans are self-centric and think mainly for themselves.
Greedy; we are run by the idea of the more the better.
Discontented; the infamous 99Club. It was once told that a King has everything and was never happy. One day, he saw a commoner who was so happy even though he had not enough to eat. Th King asked his advisor what is the reason for that joy and his advisor replied: "That's cuz he wasn't in the 99 Club". Few days later, the commoner received a bag of money with exactly 99 gold coins in it. He searched high and low for that missing 1 coin so that he could have 100 coins but he couldn't find it. So he worked hard to earn that 1 coin. But he realised that 100 is not enough and worked harder to earn more coins to put into that bag. From that day onwards, he worked hard, become aggressive and cold in order to get what he wants. He was no longer happy like when the King saw him. He has joined the 99Club.
And there is so much more. But i just thought I'll stop here. Don't want to make myself more depress by thinking about the ugly side of us. There are of course the good sides too.
-----------------------------Pour some thoughts over this------------------------------------
I've just started working at a tour operation company on thursday. Its office is at Raffles Place. The place where the corporate bloodbath take place from monday to friday. In the morning, people stormed out of the subways with a blank look tranfixed on their faces, all lacking in emotions. Some even have those 'killer looks' drilled into their expressions as if saying: "Step on me and I'll kill you". There I am in the train trying to smile to anyone that will look my way but failing miserably. No one will look. And even those fews that did, look at me as if I am some sort of moron.
Hey! I'm just trying to brighten their morning right?
I realise that the best way to cure a monday blues is to listen to the song "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. It sounds ironic but it is true! It has worked on me on many occassions and haven't fail yet. So try it if you are having those sort of 'monday blues'. It works even on tueday, wednesday and thursday too. And before you know it, its TGIF!
Hmmm.. coming back to the people, they are like robots. And I know that if I continue to work in that place, I'll be transformed into one as well. Oh my, how am I going to survive my SIP for 5 months??? Someone please kill me.
Alright, just kidding about the last one. Ha ha
I have really been putting serious thoughts about going Melbourne alone in Sept before my SIP starts. But I think i can hardly afford my expences after the tickets and accommodation. Shane mentioned that I could bunk in with him for a few days. Will see how it goes.. Hopefully it turn out alright. Maybe I may be able to go after all.
Real looking forward to later. My DAD is coming back from Guangzhou after 4 months away from us. Its his birthday tomorrow and he wants to surprise us by coming back. So he gave such a short notice to us and I've go to cancel most of my prior committments. But no complains! Haha... I miss him so... And this weekend gonna be a blast!
Till then.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
She decides to die
I thought that I might want to continue the story of Veronika...
As mentioned in my previous blog, the doctor diagnose her a death sentence due to irreversible damage to her organs by the drug and she was left with only 1 week to live. She might die the next minute or hour. And it was during this time when she fall in love with a man, Eduard.
If i am in her shoe, knowing that I would die any instance and at the same time falling in love with a man, that thought is enough to kill me. What would I have done? Falling in love is about butterflies in the stomach and anticipating sweet romance. But what have got a half-dead girl to anticipate about?
Ok, I felt that the end was rather anti climatic if I were the one to narrate it. You got to read the whole book to feel its essense. But I'm still gonna spoil it for everyone. *evil grinz*
The doctor in the mental hospital was writing a thesis on the cure for this drug that Veronika took; Vitriol. He uses Veronika as his tester. When Veronika was admitted to the hospital, he had already clear her system of the drug. Instead he gave her a daily dose of injected to stimulate 'heart-attacks' on her to induce her into thinking that she is really going to die. Therefore in the 1 week where Veronika live, thinking that it was her last, she make use of the time in doing what she always wanted to do but do not have to courage to pursue it. She pushed her limited of her dreams, sexual desire and personality into doing things she would never do. She fall in love not fearing of being hurt as she thought she is going to die anyway.
Yes, the doctor trick everyone.
His conclusion of the thesis is "An awareness of death encourage us to live more intensively". And that is so true. Like I've always say. Sing like nobody is listening, dance like nobody is watching, love like its not gonna hurt and live like there is no tomorrow. However, after being a Christian, I know of a thing called ETERNITY. So for me its like; 'live like there is no tomorrow, but exercising caution because there is this thing called ETERNITY.
That's another story altogether. Another time..
Anyway, the story ends rather aruptly. It ended with Veronika and Eduard eloping from the hospital as Veronika doesn't want to die there. So Veronika still doesn't know of the truth about her condition. Only the readers know it.
Its a good story with a good ending. I felt that there is no better way to end it. People always want happy endings. But in this case, I thought an ambiguous ending suit the style of writing. We know the truth but yet we are unsure of how it ends.
Will Veronika try to kill herself again because it is unbearable for her to wait for her own death knowing that she rather live?
Or will she cherish every second of it from this point on?
Life is a big question mark only God can put a full stop to it.
As mentioned in my previous blog, the doctor diagnose her a death sentence due to irreversible damage to her organs by the drug and she was left with only 1 week to live. She might die the next minute or hour. And it was during this time when she fall in love with a man, Eduard.
If i am in her shoe, knowing that I would die any instance and at the same time falling in love with a man, that thought is enough to kill me. What would I have done? Falling in love is about butterflies in the stomach and anticipating sweet romance. But what have got a half-dead girl to anticipate about?
Ok, I felt that the end was rather anti climatic if I were the one to narrate it. You got to read the whole book to feel its essense. But I'm still gonna spoil it for everyone. *evil grinz*
The doctor in the mental hospital was writing a thesis on the cure for this drug that Veronika took; Vitriol. He uses Veronika as his tester. When Veronika was admitted to the hospital, he had already clear her system of the drug. Instead he gave her a daily dose of injected to stimulate 'heart-attacks' on her to induce her into thinking that she is really going to die. Therefore in the 1 week where Veronika live, thinking that it was her last, she make use of the time in doing what she always wanted to do but do not have to courage to pursue it. She pushed her limited of her dreams, sexual desire and personality into doing things she would never do. She fall in love not fearing of being hurt as she thought she is going to die anyway.
Yes, the doctor trick everyone.
His conclusion of the thesis is "An awareness of death encourage us to live more intensively". And that is so true. Like I've always say. Sing like nobody is listening, dance like nobody is watching, love like its not gonna hurt and live like there is no tomorrow. However, after being a Christian, I know of a thing called ETERNITY. So for me its like; 'live like there is no tomorrow, but exercising caution because there is this thing called ETERNITY.
That's another story altogether. Another time..
Anyway, the story ends rather aruptly. It ended with Veronika and Eduard eloping from the hospital as Veronika doesn't want to die there. So Veronika still doesn't know of the truth about her condition. Only the readers know it.
Its a good story with a good ending. I felt that there is no better way to end it. People always want happy endings. But in this case, I thought an ambiguous ending suit the style of writing. We know the truth but yet we are unsure of how it ends.
Will Veronika try to kill herself again because it is unbearable for her to wait for her own death knowing that she rather live?
Or will she cherish every second of it from this point on?
Life is a big question mark only God can put a full stop to it.
Monday, June 05, 2006
City of God
Something is wrong with me tonight. Very often when my head hits the pillow, I'll be fast asleep before you can say 'good night'. But not tonight. Not even after reading a couple of chapters from "Veronika decides to die."
Anyway, its a very good novel, courtesy of ms tyl. The story is about Veronika (duh!) who tried commiting sucide. Her reason to die was not because she was tired of living or cuz she was sad or was inflicted with depression. It was because she felt indifferent to life. Monotone in her feelings. And after swallowing tonnes of pills, she woke up in a mental hospital realising that she was not dead. Not yet anyway. Doctor told her she had another week to live. Her liver was irreverisbly damage by the chemical that she had forced into her body. And it was during this 1 week where she find that she don't have to be indifferent to life. Something invoke inside her that makes her feel that there is much more to life than she thought there is. She was afraid for the very first time because she wanted to live. But she was going to die.
What invoke that passion for Veronika to live? A man nevertheless. The man who is a schizo who has a vision of paradise. I really can identify with that man. Because I have my very own version of my vision of paradise. What's wrong with me? Finding myself and identifying with a mad man?
Well, I have yet to complete the book but I felt so sad for the protagonist in the story. It was like trying to commit suicide by jumping off a very very very tall building. Think Petronas Tower times 100. You are at the speed of free fall. And halfway down the building, you want to hit the brake button because you don't want to die anymore. But you can't. You continue falling and witness your own death with your very own consciousness. What a tragedy to speak off.
Moral of the story? When you want to kill yourself, make sure that you die straight away.
Haha.. Of course I am crazy. How can anyone be sane at this hour? When your eyes are closing and you are so sleepy. But you just can't sleep. Nothing will make sense. Nah, I'm joking. Of course I disapprove of people taking their own life.
And why am i saying all these?
It must have been the book getting into me. The hour of the night that doing weird things to my mind. But then again, my mind is weird to start with so I can't blame the time. Hmmm...
Earlier in the evening, I finally have the honour to watch "City of God". I thought, since it has won so many nomination at the Emmy's Award, I got to watch it. And its worth every minute of it. But just 1 question. What is the language they are speaking in? It doesn't sound like spanish to me. Just wondering.. Shall find out.
I probably should get back to my book. It has a higher chance for me to fall asleep then sitting in front of the computer. I shall tell of the ending of the book. To see if Veronika actually did die in the end? Or live happily ever after with the schizo handsome man from the mental hospital.
Anyway, its a very good novel, courtesy of ms tyl. The story is about Veronika (duh!) who tried commiting sucide. Her reason to die was not because she was tired of living or cuz she was sad or was inflicted with depression. It was because she felt indifferent to life. Monotone in her feelings. And after swallowing tonnes of pills, she woke up in a mental hospital realising that she was not dead. Not yet anyway. Doctor told her she had another week to live. Her liver was irreverisbly damage by the chemical that she had forced into her body. And it was during this 1 week where she find that she don't have to be indifferent to life. Something invoke inside her that makes her feel that there is much more to life than she thought there is. She was afraid for the very first time because she wanted to live. But she was going to die.
What invoke that passion for Veronika to live? A man nevertheless. The man who is a schizo who has a vision of paradise. I really can identify with that man. Because I have my very own version of my vision of paradise. What's wrong with me? Finding myself and identifying with a mad man?
Well, I have yet to complete the book but I felt so sad for the protagonist in the story. It was like trying to commit suicide by jumping off a very very very tall building. Think Petronas Tower times 100. You are at the speed of free fall. And halfway down the building, you want to hit the brake button because you don't want to die anymore. But you can't. You continue falling and witness your own death with your very own consciousness. What a tragedy to speak off.
Moral of the story? When you want to kill yourself, make sure that you die straight away.
Haha.. Of course I am crazy. How can anyone be sane at this hour? When your eyes are closing and you are so sleepy. But you just can't sleep. Nothing will make sense. Nah, I'm joking. Of course I disapprove of people taking their own life.
And why am i saying all these?
It must have been the book getting into me. The hour of the night that doing weird things to my mind. But then again, my mind is weird to start with so I can't blame the time. Hmmm...
Earlier in the evening, I finally have the honour to watch "City of God". I thought, since it has won so many nomination at the Emmy's Award, I got to watch it. And its worth every minute of it. But just 1 question. What is the language they are speaking in? It doesn't sound like spanish to me. Just wondering.. Shall find out.
I probably should get back to my book. It has a higher chance for me to fall asleep then sitting in front of the computer. I shall tell of the ending of the book. To see if Veronika actually did die in the end? Or live happily ever after with the schizo handsome man from the mental hospital.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Moments
Time is the essence of life. And how true is that. We can lose big fortune or fail in business but we can always earn it back. But not time. Time has the irreversible factor that makes it so valuable but also at the same time vulnerable. It has the ability to escape from us even before we think about it.
Here I am in my final year thinking back to the time when I first started poly and telling myself that it is gonna be a long 3 years. I should really eat my words. Its the mid term test week again and I have already started school for more than a month. Before I know it, I'll be doing my internship! All these is happening too fast for me to digest it. Too fast.
Time is the essence of life.
Recently, I have all the craziest idea in my head. I am to step out of my comfort zone and do very radical things that I would never have done. Why live life like how other expect me to live? Maybe I was right all along.
I know that in everyone's deepest mind, they believe that they are special. They believe that they are different from everyone else and they will be a cut above the rest. In everyone's mind, they are their own king and queen, prince and princess. They believe that they are a unique individual and no one can come even close. I believe that's how they felt inside. That's how I felt inside anyway. And I know that I am right.
Why be comformed to the world? Why let the world tells you what you should do and not do? Why let people talk you into believing that your dreams are impossible just because they don't dare to dream?
Comformity is the death of creativity.
Nowadays I find myself appreciating the little beauty in life. I'll stop in my track and start taking pictures of my surrounding. A beauty sunset, the sun's ray that got filtered by layers of canopy of branches and leave a trail of disperse lights, a child laughing in the playground and even shadows. I guess I am going crazy. I'm crazy about life. Falling in love with it once again.
I am in love.
I have always saying that life is all about moments. And all these moments sum up to life. My life. =) Its magical.
Thank you Lord.
Here I am in my final year thinking back to the time when I first started poly and telling myself that it is gonna be a long 3 years. I should really eat my words. Its the mid term test week again and I have already started school for more than a month. Before I know it, I'll be doing my internship! All these is happening too fast for me to digest it. Too fast.
Time is the essence of life.
Recently, I have all the craziest idea in my head. I am to step out of my comfort zone and do very radical things that I would never have done. Why live life like how other expect me to live? Maybe I was right all along.
I know that in everyone's deepest mind, they believe that they are special. They believe that they are different from everyone else and they will be a cut above the rest. In everyone's mind, they are their own king and queen, prince and princess. They believe that they are a unique individual and no one can come even close. I believe that's how they felt inside. That's how I felt inside anyway. And I know that I am right.
Why be comformed to the world? Why let the world tells you what you should do and not do? Why let people talk you into believing that your dreams are impossible just because they don't dare to dream?
Comformity is the death of creativity.
Nowadays I find myself appreciating the little beauty in life. I'll stop in my track and start taking pictures of my surrounding. A beauty sunset, the sun's ray that got filtered by layers of canopy of branches and leave a trail of disperse lights, a child laughing in the playground and even shadows. I guess I am going crazy. I'm crazy about life. Falling in love with it once again.
I am in love.
I have always saying that life is all about moments. And all these moments sum up to life. My life. =) Its magical.
Thank you Lord.
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