Beautiful Stranger - Chrissy
Brushed shoulders, blank expression, not a word exchanged
Standing in the masses, disoriented in thoughts, lost in transition
The mind takes on a life of its own, warring to self destruction
There got to be something for me somewhere
Out of the corner of my eyes, I caught a familiar sight
My eyes sweep across the aisle and fix on you.
A beautiful stranger
An overwhelming sense of deja vu
You stood there staring at me, I wonder why
Time stood still in anticipation when your vision align with mine
What is to come, each step closer send shockwaves through
Electrifying, sometimes painful, other times fearful
Your visage faltering like a mirage, unreal
Escape on my mind, realisation of disillusion plunges deep
The hope of the unknown hanging on...
Should I stay or should I go?
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
of discovering Grace
"Grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us more and there is nothing we can do to make God love us less."
Grace comes so freely but yet people just can't accept that. Refuse to accept it even though it is staring us squarely in the face.
Coming from the mentality that "there is no free lunch in the world", we tend to question God's Grace the same way. Is it really given freely? No question asked?
In almost everything we do, there is often a hidden agenda, something that is of our vested interest. Grace on the other hand works on the opposite of the pendulum. It requires nothing from us, makes no demands and ask for nothing in return. The only thing I could think of is that it requires us to have the full assurance of the definition of Grace.
However our thick head just refuse to let that truth sink in. Is that so hard to comprehend? It might be incomprehensible at first, but just wait and see...
Eph2:4-5 (NIV) But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
Grace comes so freely but yet people just can't accept that. Refuse to accept it even though it is staring us squarely in the face.
Coming from the mentality that "there is no free lunch in the world", we tend to question God's Grace the same way. Is it really given freely? No question asked?
In almost everything we do, there is often a hidden agenda, something that is of our vested interest. Grace on the other hand works on the opposite of the pendulum. It requires nothing from us, makes no demands and ask for nothing in return. The only thing I could think of is that it requires us to have the full assurance of the definition of Grace.
However our thick head just refuse to let that truth sink in. Is that so hard to comprehend? It might be incomprehensible at first, but just wait and see...
Eph2:4-5 (NIV) But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
The alchemist
It was yet another sad parting when I bid farewell to the last page of ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho. Reading his book is like talking to an old friend; a friend whom knows every of your deepest and most profound thoughts. Thoughts which nobody has excess to and it was imbedded deep into the recess of your soul. You will feel like you have the best conversation yet none of you spoke a word.
I have heard many positive comments regarding ‘The Alchemist’ but didn’t have the chance to read it. Yiling was the first person to recommend me his book with ‘Veronika decides to die’ as the first entry point. I couldn’t keep my hands off his books ever since.
Based on my own interpretation: (Spoilers)
The story speaks of a boy in search of his calling in life. To put it tangibly, he traveled all the way from Spain to Egypt looking treasures base on his recurring dreams and omens that he has. So off he went, selling all his possessions and embarks on the journey of his lifetime. Throughout his experience, he met many people whom became teachers to him, teaching him of the simple and yet unseen lessons of life and how to attain his personal callings.
Hypotheses of the lessons in life include:
Principle of favorability.
When we play the cards for the first time, we are almost sure to win. (some people call it beginner’s luck) It is because there is a force that wants you to realize your personal calling and will whet your appetite with a taste of success.
The destination of your goal is a mean to an end, not an end itself.
When we are too focused on achieving our goal, we forget the most important things; which is to learn the lessons along the way. To achieve your goal without learning anything is a futile process. You haven’t really attained your goal anyway.
Simplest lesson in life: When you possess great treasures within you and you tell people about it, they will seldom believe you.
I was reminded of Jesus. Jesus has the truth inside him that He knew that He is the Son of God that will redeem the sins of the world. He told his disciples about it but none of them really understood what he is talking about.
These are just some of the hypotheses that he has conjured about life. The book contains cauldron of such philosophies and is really interesting to read.
Anyway, the boy made his way to Egypt at his final destination. Unfortunately, he met a thieve that stole all his possessions and even tries to kill him. Not only has he lost all his belonging to get home, he didn’t find his treasures.
The irony twist came when the thieve told him that 2 years ago, he (the thieve) has a recurring dream to go to Spain to look for treasures under an old church but he wasn’t stupid enough to be like the boy to go just because of some stupid dreams.
The boy finally knew where his treasure was.
It was right where he has started his journey; In spain, besides an old church.
Fate has led him on a merry-go-round in search of the thing he was looking for but little does he knows that it was all along right under his nose.
I believe this is very applicable in real life. See, many times we are searching for happiness, love, money and what have you, but it was under our very eyes. We couldn’t see that we simply need contentment to enjoy those things. Until we went on a journey searching for them, going through difficult times, bruising our head and our heart did we find it where we have left off.
Do you think we could have found it if we weren’t led through the difficult period? Will we appreciate it just as much? What exactly do we find at the end of the journey is not really happiness, love or joy because we have them all along. But it is to be contented to know that they are there and to learn to appreciate them.
If the boy hasn’t gone all the way to Egypt, would he found what he is looking for? Even if he has found it, will he treasure it as much knowing that attaining that doesn’t come easy?
Give some thoughts to that.
I have heard many positive comments regarding ‘The Alchemist’ but didn’t have the chance to read it. Yiling was the first person to recommend me his book with ‘Veronika decides to die’ as the first entry point. I couldn’t keep my hands off his books ever since.
Based on my own interpretation: (Spoilers)
The story speaks of a boy in search of his calling in life. To put it tangibly, he traveled all the way from Spain to Egypt looking treasures base on his recurring dreams and omens that he has. So off he went, selling all his possessions and embarks on the journey of his lifetime. Throughout his experience, he met many people whom became teachers to him, teaching him of the simple and yet unseen lessons of life and how to attain his personal callings.
Hypotheses of the lessons in life include:
Principle of favorability.
When we play the cards for the first time, we are almost sure to win. (some people call it beginner’s luck) It is because there is a force that wants you to realize your personal calling and will whet your appetite with a taste of success.
The destination of your goal is a mean to an end, not an end itself.
When we are too focused on achieving our goal, we forget the most important things; which is to learn the lessons along the way. To achieve your goal without learning anything is a futile process. You haven’t really attained your goal anyway.
Simplest lesson in life: When you possess great treasures within you and you tell people about it, they will seldom believe you.
I was reminded of Jesus. Jesus has the truth inside him that He knew that He is the Son of God that will redeem the sins of the world. He told his disciples about it but none of them really understood what he is talking about.
These are just some of the hypotheses that he has conjured about life. The book contains cauldron of such philosophies and is really interesting to read.
Anyway, the boy made his way to Egypt at his final destination. Unfortunately, he met a thieve that stole all his possessions and even tries to kill him. Not only has he lost all his belonging to get home, he didn’t find his treasures.
The irony twist came when the thieve told him that 2 years ago, he (the thieve) has a recurring dream to go to Spain to look for treasures under an old church but he wasn’t stupid enough to be like the boy to go just because of some stupid dreams.
The boy finally knew where his treasure was.
It was right where he has started his journey; In spain, besides an old church.
Fate has led him on a merry-go-round in search of the thing he was looking for but little does he knows that it was all along right under his nose.
I believe this is very applicable in real life. See, many times we are searching for happiness, love, money and what have you, but it was under our very eyes. We couldn’t see that we simply need contentment to enjoy those things. Until we went on a journey searching for them, going through difficult times, bruising our head and our heart did we find it where we have left off.
Do you think we could have found it if we weren’t led through the difficult period? Will we appreciate it just as much? What exactly do we find at the end of the journey is not really happiness, love or joy because we have them all along. But it is to be contented to know that they are there and to learn to appreciate them.
If the boy hasn’t gone all the way to Egypt, would he found what he is looking for? Even if he has found it, will he treasure it as much knowing that attaining that doesn’t come easy?
Give some thoughts to that.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Random and poignant feelings
The mind starts the idling process evident by the absence of entries. Inspirations dart around like transitory arrows, missing the target. Nothing was really registered, nothing was really recorded. It seems like it was everything yet it was nothing.
The moment before bedtime, thoughts mirrored the myriad of stars in the sky, but just like stars, they disappear when the day break. You tried to seize them but the motion felt like capturing wind with bare hands; you feel the wind’s caress but can never hold it.
It may be like trying to articulate a thought but the words refuse to come out right. You knew there is a perfect word to describe the exact feeling yet the word seems to go into hiding. Other words do not suffice but you have to make do with them, settling for second best.
Or perhaps trying to mask the real you by pretending everything is rosy and nice. You want to look big on the outside but you felt so small on the inside. Something is eating you up but you could not confront it. And slowly, you shrink smaller and smaller and cease to exist all together.
Sometimes you look on the left and the right, you wonder why everyone seems to be alright. You want to know when is the exact moment when your world starts to crumble. You apprehend they do not happen overnight. They creep up on you slowly but gradually when you least realize. You wonder if everything will eventually be alright.
You look into your lover’s eyes and see an imprecise vision of yourselves inside. Have he seen you in a different light. A gap was conceived between the perception and reality. Who is to build a bridge and reconcile the gap?
The sudden birth of random, poignant thoughts. It captivates the souls, yet unsettling it and heighten the ordinary of things.
Dedicated to the ‘just because’ moments of our life.
The moment before bedtime, thoughts mirrored the myriad of stars in the sky, but just like stars, they disappear when the day break. You tried to seize them but the motion felt like capturing wind with bare hands; you feel the wind’s caress but can never hold it.
It may be like trying to articulate a thought but the words refuse to come out right. You knew there is a perfect word to describe the exact feeling yet the word seems to go into hiding. Other words do not suffice but you have to make do with them, settling for second best.
Or perhaps trying to mask the real you by pretending everything is rosy and nice. You want to look big on the outside but you felt so small on the inside. Something is eating you up but you could not confront it. And slowly, you shrink smaller and smaller and cease to exist all together.
Sometimes you look on the left and the right, you wonder why everyone seems to be alright. You want to know when is the exact moment when your world starts to crumble. You apprehend they do not happen overnight. They creep up on you slowly but gradually when you least realize. You wonder if everything will eventually be alright.
You look into your lover’s eyes and see an imprecise vision of yourselves inside. Have he seen you in a different light. A gap was conceived between the perception and reality. Who is to build a bridge and reconcile the gap?
The sudden birth of random, poignant thoughts. It captivates the souls, yet unsettling it and heighten the ordinary of things.
Dedicated to the ‘just because’ moments of our life.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
100K Campaign Drive Part 1
The word she whispered was pain.
Like a sensation that comes from the inside of her heart, radiating outwards. It slowly consumes her until what was left was something she could not grasp hold off. She finally realized what it means by “hanging on thin thread”. It could snap anytime.
She is falling into the abyss of darkness, straight into the devil’s lair. Above her was the world she came from. It smells of freshly-cut grasses and vanilla ice cream. She missed the warmth of the sun rays and the coolness of the sea breeze. The rustling sounds of trees invoked in her a sense of nostalgic. That’s where she belongs.
She has forgotten how laughter sound or felt like. Her tears accompanied her days and nights.
Is it too late now?
Then she remembered SOMEONE once told her this.
THERE IS A GOD THAT TAKES AWAY ALL PAINS. THERE IS NO SORROW ON EARTH THAT HEAVEN CANNOT HEAL.
She decided to take a chance. The only one she has left.
And the word she whispered was Jesus.
(Acts 2:21)
And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.
She got saved by Jesus. Instead of falling into the bottomless pit, she is now falling in the abyss of the love of Jesus. It grows more and more each day. And how do I know?
Of course I do. After all we know ourselves best isn’t it?
Be that SOMEONE to speak of Jesus love today to others in need. Be a blessing to others.
Are you part of the 100K campaign?
Like a sensation that comes from the inside of her heart, radiating outwards. It slowly consumes her until what was left was something she could not grasp hold off. She finally realized what it means by “hanging on thin thread”. It could snap anytime.
She is falling into the abyss of darkness, straight into the devil’s lair. Above her was the world she came from. It smells of freshly-cut grasses and vanilla ice cream. She missed the warmth of the sun rays and the coolness of the sea breeze. The rustling sounds of trees invoked in her a sense of nostalgic. That’s where she belongs.
She has forgotten how laughter sound or felt like. Her tears accompanied her days and nights.
Is it too late now?
Then she remembered SOMEONE once told her this.
THERE IS A GOD THAT TAKES AWAY ALL PAINS. THERE IS NO SORROW ON EARTH THAT HEAVEN CANNOT HEAL.
She decided to take a chance. The only one she has left.
And the word she whispered was Jesus.
(Acts 2:21)
And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.
She got saved by Jesus. Instead of falling into the bottomless pit, she is now falling in the abyss of the love of Jesus. It grows more and more each day. And how do I know?
Of course I do. After all we know ourselves best isn’t it?
Be that SOMEONE to speak of Jesus love today to others in need. Be a blessing to others.
Are you part of the 100K campaign?
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Graduation
My life, unlike this blog, haven't been stagnant. Well, i can't really say that I've been on a roller coaster ride but I guess it has been an uphill journey. Life's been treating me kind. More than kind actually.
The new job is worth raving about. I guess it is really what I have been praying for. God is good to me. As always, He hears my prayer. Besides getting invitation to media events, the perks of having beauty samples, going for free spa treatments, working on magazine print advertorials, religiously surfing through beauty magazines during work, having a team of fun-loving colleagues, meeting with media personnel and working closely with them. What more can a girl ask for right?
I was actually referring to the free samples and spa treatment, I'm sure you know.
Of course there are the OTs and weekends reporting back for work. But in life, you win some and you lose some. Not everyone can have their cakes and eat in. All the time.
But I guess with God, we can. Have the cake, eat it and even top it off with ice creams and delicious looking toppings. That is how generous God is. This morning while doing my quiet time, something daunt on me.
Each new day, we were actually given a blank cheque to fill in. We can put in any amount that our hearts desire and God will credit into our account. Well, not literally of course. But something along that line. The start of each day started on a clean white slate. We could design, write, draw, paint or do whatever we like onto it. At the end of the day, stop and admire the piece of art you have created. God's love is new every morning.
Of course, with God as my banker, I shall lack nothing.
Oh, graduation ceremony was on monday. Here are some pictures from that day;
Chris & Mummy. Wish pupz was there.
Chris & Crystal. Tolls of projects & exams were all behind. Too bad couldn't take a 'family potrait' with Genesis
Cathay Pacific gang
My 2 'mummies'
Just an afterthought:
What is life after graduation?
Thursday, April 12, 2007
My first full time job
Great news my friends...
I have found my first full time job! A real job which brings bread and butter back every month. Not forgeting many beauty products!!!! Nonetheless, there will be the added responsibility that I have never encountered in my student life. But I am so looking forward to it.
I held the position of marketing executive but I reckon that it is more of a Marcom Executive. Which is exactly what I love! I get to write press release to be published in women magazine!, liaise with the graphic designer and produce communication materials and prints, going to the sales floor and gather feedback, meet up with working partners to tie in events, set up atrium for direct sales! and may get to travel around attending events and seminar on behalf of the company. It sounds so challenging but I am sure I will have so much exposure and so much fun!
God is really so good. I told him that I am very picky about my first job, I want to do things that I love and not just take up any jobs that come along. Many people advised me that my first job will not be my dream job. They said that I will need time to find something which I will love. I guess it is their way of protecting me, cushioning me for the dissapointment that usually comes along with great expectation.
Even my own mother says that to me. Accussing me of being too idealistic, a dreamer in my own world. But I'm not affected by their words because I know I trust a faithful God. A God that will come and rescue me in the nick of time. Either too early or too late. I just need to trust Him. This is really God's appointed time. 11th April. A couple of days before my departure to Sydney, not too early and not too late. If it is any time earlier, the employer wont be able to wait for me or if it is any later, I wont be able to make it for the interview. At the nick of time.
The journey of my job search didnt come easy. I was led on a merry-go-round by my own desire. Upon several failures and dissapointment, I finally gave up my desire and choose to give in to God.
I was reminded by this verse by Shelley.
Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart
I guess that I have always been too preoccupied with the latter part of the verse which states that "He will give me the desire of my heart" that I overlook the first and the most important pre-requiste of it. That is to "DELIGHT myself in the Lord".
I believe that my giving up of my dream of being a cabin crew is the starting point of delighting myself with the Lord. Of course God doesn't despise any type of (legal) jobs. It is just that He knew that I am not ready for a flying position. He knows of my yearning to break away and be set free. He knows that I am impressionable and will be lead and tempted beyond me and God undestands that. He is trying to protect me by closing all the doors.
I vivdly remember a day when I simply sit down on my bed and cry before the Lord, I told Him that I will give up everything that is not of Him. My dreams and my hopes, my fears and my doubts. I gave up all of it. I am also reminded by Crystal who very wisely told me that: "If you hold something so tightly in your hands, your hands doesnt have rooms to receive more blessing from God. You need to let go to be able to receive. That moment is the turning point.
Mark8:35
For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it
This verse came to pass for me.
I tried to wrestle with the Lord with my dreams but in the end I lose much, but as I learn to give up wrestling, He blessed me back multiple-folds.
Throughout these few months of searching, standing in many cross-roads, I finally can see God's hand upon me ALL the time. Even when He is silent, He is also waiting with me. He wants me to look on hindsight and be able to testified His faithfulness in my life. He never fails.
Right now, I feel so blissful, so excited about what is to come. A new chapter is going to unfold. I am confident that the Author of my Life will weave yet another wonderful chapter, a new phase that I will have to walk through. I thank God that many friends whom I love have walked with me even when I have given up. I know that they will continue to walk on with me .
I hope that this will encourage those who are searching for something in their lives to know that there is a God that is looking at every steps you are walking. He hopes that you will allow Him to walk with you. Give God a chance. Give yourself a chance to make a brand new start with God.
I have found my first full time job! A real job which brings bread and butter back every month. Not forgeting many beauty products!!!! Nonetheless, there will be the added responsibility that I have never encountered in my student life. But I am so looking forward to it.
I held the position of marketing executive but I reckon that it is more of a Marcom Executive. Which is exactly what I love! I get to write press release to be published in women magazine!, liaise with the graphic designer and produce communication materials and prints, going to the sales floor and gather feedback, meet up with working partners to tie in events, set up atrium for direct sales! and may get to travel around attending events and seminar on behalf of the company. It sounds so challenging but I am sure I will have so much exposure and so much fun!
God is really so good. I told him that I am very picky about my first job, I want to do things that I love and not just take up any jobs that come along. Many people advised me that my first job will not be my dream job. They said that I will need time to find something which I will love. I guess it is their way of protecting me, cushioning me for the dissapointment that usually comes along with great expectation.
Even my own mother says that to me. Accussing me of being too idealistic, a dreamer in my own world. But I'm not affected by their words because I know I trust a faithful God. A God that will come and rescue me in the nick of time. Either too early or too late. I just need to trust Him. This is really God's appointed time. 11th April. A couple of days before my departure to Sydney, not too early and not too late. If it is any time earlier, the employer wont be able to wait for me or if it is any later, I wont be able to make it for the interview. At the nick of time.
The journey of my job search didnt come easy. I was led on a merry-go-round by my own desire. Upon several failures and dissapointment, I finally gave up my desire and choose to give in to God.
I was reminded by this verse by Shelley.
Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart
I guess that I have always been too preoccupied with the latter part of the verse which states that "He will give me the desire of my heart" that I overlook the first and the most important pre-requiste of it. That is to "DELIGHT myself in the Lord".
I believe that my giving up of my dream of being a cabin crew is the starting point of delighting myself with the Lord. Of course God doesn't despise any type of (legal) jobs. It is just that He knew that I am not ready for a flying position. He knows of my yearning to break away and be set free. He knows that I am impressionable and will be lead and tempted beyond me and God undestands that. He is trying to protect me by closing all the doors.
I vivdly remember a day when I simply sit down on my bed and cry before the Lord, I told Him that I will give up everything that is not of Him. My dreams and my hopes, my fears and my doubts. I gave up all of it. I am also reminded by Crystal who very wisely told me that: "If you hold something so tightly in your hands, your hands doesnt have rooms to receive more blessing from God. You need to let go to be able to receive. That moment is the turning point.
Mark8:35
For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it
This verse came to pass for me.
I tried to wrestle with the Lord with my dreams but in the end I lose much, but as I learn to give up wrestling, He blessed me back multiple-folds.
Throughout these few months of searching, standing in many cross-roads, I finally can see God's hand upon me ALL the time. Even when He is silent, He is also waiting with me. He wants me to look on hindsight and be able to testified His faithfulness in my life. He never fails.
Right now, I feel so blissful, so excited about what is to come. A new chapter is going to unfold. I am confident that the Author of my Life will weave yet another wonderful chapter, a new phase that I will have to walk through. I thank God that many friends whom I love have walked with me even when I have given up. I know that they will continue to walk on with me .
I hope that this will encourage those who are searching for something in their lives to know that there is a God that is looking at every steps you are walking. He hopes that you will allow Him to walk with you. Give God a chance. Give yourself a chance to make a brand new start with God.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
My best friend - Wendy
When is it that your friend becomes your best friend?
Can you remember the exact moment where the transition takes place? At that moment, you know that this particular person will be the one that you will laugh and cry with for the rest of your life. They have become an invisible shoulder that you can lend on even when they are not physically there?
Can you recall that defining moment?
I was transported back to that moment when I was talking to Wendy the other day on MSN. The conversation started simply as an invitation for her to go hiking with me to MacRitchie Reservoir’s HSBC Treetop trail this coming Friday. But then it became a time of reminiscing of how our friendship started.
Back in JC 1, I wasn’t close to Wendy even though we took the same subjects. In fact, I find her a bit of a social butterfly going from group to group. (This is something which she still hold grudges against me for calling her that) I find her ‘girl school style’ rather hard for me to accept since I was from a neighborhood school. But the turning point came when we both sigh up to go to the OBS Camp during the school holidays. At that time, none of the friends from my clique were there and she wasn’t really on talking terms with one of her good friend who went at the camp. So we were like both lost girl seeking solace in each other’s company. (Like we have a choice right?)
On the 3rd day, we were asked to canoe to the extreme end of the island and hike our way back to base camp. That doesn’t sound too hard right? But try imaging that you were canoeing for half the day under the scorching sun that burns your skin, stung by jellyfish along the way and being thrown into some weird places with just a map to navigate our way back. That’s not all. We were both carrying this SUPER heavy haversack that weighs more than ourselves with 2 jelly cans. I really believe that if it were heavier by 1 gram, I would have fallen backwards. That is the maximum threshold weight I can ever carry.
So both of us were grumpy (I was grumpier), tired and frustrated while trying to decipher the map. Even though both of us were geography students, we just couldn’t understand what those lines are trying to tell us as they are blurred into a big mass of irrelevant lines like children drawing right before our eyes. I was on the verge of crying due to the desperation.
But what really makes me so miserable is the darn heavy bag on my shoulders. I couldn’t even walk ten steps without stopping. Wendy was so patient with me and waited for me the whole time with the same amount of junk on her back. She then did the greatest thing anyone can do for me at that point. She picked up my gigantic haversack and slung it across her front and encourages me to move on.
At this point of time, I must really EMPHASIZE the weight of the haversack. It is really almost equivalent to the weight of carrying another person. So she had 1 haversack behind her and 1 in front of her. Try to picture that scene. I was just carrying both the water can. Haha. I am almost too ashamed to say that.
I don’t know if I am really naïve or being in denial. I actually believe her when she told me that she don’t find the bag heavy at all! There wasn’t even tell-tales sign from her face that shows that the bag was actually killing her. She kept assuring me that it is really not heavy. I thought that she was really speaking the truth and think that I must be really very weak. (But she is a black belt so it is not hard to believe her) Haha.. So I let her carry my load.
It was only the other day when we were talking that she confessed that the bags were really darn heavy. She was on the verge of a breakdown as well. Haha… She has waited 6 years to tell me that.
That was really the defining moment of our friendship.
I saw something in her that I never see in anyone else before. She always thinks of others before herself. That is what I love about her.
Well, I think the reasons why I want to blog about this is because I wanted to remind myself of the that moment I have 6 years ago, remind Wendy that she is still a great person, a great friend to me at this point of time, when she has doubts about who she is becoming.
But most importantly, I think that it is about giving people a second chance to prove themselves. We should not discount them base on our feelings of them as feelings are usually a distortion of reality. If I wasn’t given a chance to get to know Wendy through the camp, our friendship will not even be what it is today.
God is a God of 2nd chance and He never discounts us because of something we did wrongly. He simply look past that mistake and start a clean slate for each of us. That’s the beauty of my God. I thank God I have a 2nd chance with Wendy.
Give someone that chance today.
P.S: I hope Antz won’t read this entry. You know what I’m thinking right Wendy?
Can you remember the exact moment where the transition takes place? At that moment, you know that this particular person will be the one that you will laugh and cry with for the rest of your life. They have become an invisible shoulder that you can lend on even when they are not physically there?
Can you recall that defining moment?
I was transported back to that moment when I was talking to Wendy the other day on MSN. The conversation started simply as an invitation for her to go hiking with me to MacRitchie Reservoir’s HSBC Treetop trail this coming Friday. But then it became a time of reminiscing of how our friendship started.
Back in JC 1, I wasn’t close to Wendy even though we took the same subjects. In fact, I find her a bit of a social butterfly going from group to group. (This is something which she still hold grudges against me for calling her that) I find her ‘girl school style’ rather hard for me to accept since I was from a neighborhood school. But the turning point came when we both sigh up to go to the OBS Camp during the school holidays. At that time, none of the friends from my clique were there and she wasn’t really on talking terms with one of her good friend who went at the camp. So we were like both lost girl seeking solace in each other’s company. (Like we have a choice right?)
On the 3rd day, we were asked to canoe to the extreme end of the island and hike our way back to base camp. That doesn’t sound too hard right? But try imaging that you were canoeing for half the day under the scorching sun that burns your skin, stung by jellyfish along the way and being thrown into some weird places with just a map to navigate our way back. That’s not all. We were both carrying this SUPER heavy haversack that weighs more than ourselves with 2 jelly cans. I really believe that if it were heavier by 1 gram, I would have fallen backwards. That is the maximum threshold weight I can ever carry.
So both of us were grumpy (I was grumpier), tired and frustrated while trying to decipher the map. Even though both of us were geography students, we just couldn’t understand what those lines are trying to tell us as they are blurred into a big mass of irrelevant lines like children drawing right before our eyes. I was on the verge of crying due to the desperation.
But what really makes me so miserable is the darn heavy bag on my shoulders. I couldn’t even walk ten steps without stopping. Wendy was so patient with me and waited for me the whole time with the same amount of junk on her back. She then did the greatest thing anyone can do for me at that point. She picked up my gigantic haversack and slung it across her front and encourages me to move on.
At this point of time, I must really EMPHASIZE the weight of the haversack. It is really almost equivalent to the weight of carrying another person. So she had 1 haversack behind her and 1 in front of her. Try to picture that scene. I was just carrying both the water can. Haha. I am almost too ashamed to say that.
I don’t know if I am really naïve or being in denial. I actually believe her when she told me that she don’t find the bag heavy at all! There wasn’t even tell-tales sign from her face that shows that the bag was actually killing her. She kept assuring me that it is really not heavy. I thought that she was really speaking the truth and think that I must be really very weak. (But she is a black belt so it is not hard to believe her) Haha.. So I let her carry my load.
It was only the other day when we were talking that she confessed that the bags were really darn heavy. She was on the verge of a breakdown as well. Haha… She has waited 6 years to tell me that.
That was really the defining moment of our friendship.
I saw something in her that I never see in anyone else before. She always thinks of others before herself. That is what I love about her.
Well, I think the reasons why I want to blog about this is because I wanted to remind myself of the that moment I have 6 years ago, remind Wendy that she is still a great person, a great friend to me at this point of time, when she has doubts about who she is becoming.
But most importantly, I think that it is about giving people a second chance to prove themselves. We should not discount them base on our feelings of them as feelings are usually a distortion of reality. If I wasn’t given a chance to get to know Wendy through the camp, our friendship will not even be what it is today.
God is a God of 2nd chance and He never discounts us because of something we did wrongly. He simply look past that mistake and start a clean slate for each of us. That’s the beauty of my God. I thank God I have a 2nd chance with Wendy.
Give someone that chance today.
P.S: I hope Antz won’t read this entry. You know what I’m thinking right Wendy?
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
perfectionist streak
Question: What is the worst job for a perfectionist?
Answer: Typist (using typewriter)
Just the other day, someone asked me to help her prepare some document to be fed-ex out. She asked if i know why to use a typewriter and I was like (duh). So she gave me a blank template and asked me to type according to the default one. Knowing myself well (a pefectionist) and playing it safe (being cautious), I went to photocopy a few more copies (8 to be exact) of the blank template because I am sure there bound to be mistakes. Haha... I think I must have underestimate myself.
I took almost 50minutes to get the document ready. I could use 5 minutes to type it in Microsoft Word. And you know what, I used up 18 blank templates before I am satisfied with my work. I was mentally exhauted after that. Haha.. That was really hard work (for me).
I don't know why I am so fussy with the way I do things. I always believe that everyone should put in 110% of themselves in what they are doing. Maybe because I cannot tolerate people doing their work in a sloppy manner, I will not allow myself to committe such acts. And I guess because of that, I tend to push myself harder. It may be doing a big project or just typing a simple letter.
But anyway, I think that the lady notice how long I took to complete the letter and the amount of waste paper in my bin, she never asked me to type any letters for her anymore. Phew... Great relief. Haha...
So moral of the story...
Never ever ask a perfectionist to type any letters using a typewriter.
Answer: Typist (using typewriter)
Just the other day, someone asked me to help her prepare some document to be fed-ex out. She asked if i know why to use a typewriter and I was like (duh). So she gave me a blank template and asked me to type according to the default one. Knowing myself well (a pefectionist) and playing it safe (being cautious), I went to photocopy a few more copies (8 to be exact) of the blank template because I am sure there bound to be mistakes. Haha... I think I must have underestimate myself.
I took almost 50minutes to get the document ready. I could use 5 minutes to type it in Microsoft Word. And you know what, I used up 18 blank templates before I am satisfied with my work. I was mentally exhauted after that. Haha.. That was really hard work (for me).
I don't know why I am so fussy with the way I do things. I always believe that everyone should put in 110% of themselves in what they are doing. Maybe because I cannot tolerate people doing their work in a sloppy manner, I will not allow myself to committe such acts. And I guess because of that, I tend to push myself harder. It may be doing a big project or just typing a simple letter.
But anyway, I think that the lady notice how long I took to complete the letter and the amount of waste paper in my bin, she never asked me to type any letters for her anymore. Phew... Great relief. Haha...
So moral of the story...
Never ever ask a perfectionist to type any letters using a typewriter.
Friday, March 23, 2007
for wendy and amber
A poem for a dearest friend
Who is standing on the fence
Looking right and looking left
Plunging into her own death
Tossed about in the strongest wind
She has forgotten who she is
Drowning her sorrow with toxin
Someone please redeem her from this
Who is standing on the fence
Looking right and looking left
Plunging into her own death
Tossed about in the strongest wind
She has forgotten who she is
Drowning her sorrow with toxin
Someone please redeem her from this
Thursday, March 22, 2007
long long ardous bus ride
I felt like I have embarked on a road to eternity when I stepped out of my office heading to church. In total, I have spent close to 2 hours commuting from Loyang to Marine Parade. I could have reached JB with that time! How thick can it get?
The rain has caused the traffic to be slow moving. The speed of my bus cease to a slow crawl. It made me developed motion sickness throughout the journey. My stomach was threating to regurgitate every bit of my lunch. Yikes! Its really sickening. This is definitely one bus ride that I don't enjoy.
Today was really challenging for me physically. My body kept screaming for me to go back home and sleep but I dragged my foot to choir rehearsal. Say in normal circumstance, I won't consume coffee but today is really abnormal. I had 2.
TGIF tomorrow.
Sunday going Natas Fair with Linda!!! Guess where are we going for holiday? Haha... I'm sure all those that know me don't even have to guess. The country that scream: "Where the Bloody hell are you"? or the more mellow/censored version of "So, Where are you"? The secret is out in the open! =)
Well... actually I don't really like to blog about the coming and goings of my daily life but then I guess the bus ride really eeks me so much that I have to pour it out. Haha... Wanna get it out of my system.
Sleep is creeping up my back, I guess its good night then..
Night world.
The rain has caused the traffic to be slow moving. The speed of my bus cease to a slow crawl. It made me developed motion sickness throughout the journey. My stomach was threating to regurgitate every bit of my lunch. Yikes! Its really sickening. This is definitely one bus ride that I don't enjoy.
Today was really challenging for me physically. My body kept screaming for me to go back home and sleep but I dragged my foot to choir rehearsal. Say in normal circumstance, I won't consume coffee but today is really abnormal. I had 2.
TGIF tomorrow.
Sunday going Natas Fair with Linda!!! Guess where are we going for holiday? Haha... I'm sure all those that know me don't even have to guess. The country that scream: "Where the Bloody hell are you"? or the more mellow/censored version of "So, Where are you"? The secret is out in the open! =)
Well... actually I don't really like to blog about the coming and goings of my daily life but then I guess the bus ride really eeks me so much that I have to pour it out. Haha... Wanna get it out of my system.
Sleep is creeping up my back, I guess its good night then..
Night world.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
the kingdom of heaven
Troy, Arc of Joan, Kingdom of Heaven, Lord of the Ring and 300.
They are the genre of movies that I love. Ancient history/civilisation and ancient battle. The movies that speak of the glory days of the Roman and the Greek empire where they conquere the rest of the world..
They intrigues me beyond my understanding. Being the sort of girl who dislike watching gory film, I cannot understand what makes me love such films.
Definately not brad pitt in his non-existence waist clothes in Troy or Gerard Butler with his six packs in 300. Well not really anyway. haha..
But they have something that captivate me in that cinema seat. Something that makes me held my breathe. Something that makes my heart beat faster. (its really not brad pitt! believe me) I thought that maybe I'm a saddist that enjoy watching people slaughtering others, blood being spilled, heads detaching from their bodies.
But no, because speaking of all that really grossed me out already.
So I don't think I am a saddist.
Its something else.
Then it dawn on me...
Its about the men fighting for a cause that they believed in. Fighting for their freedom, to protect their love ones, and for the land that they call home. And thus creating history with their stories.
But there is always this leader, this one man. The bravery of this one man that lead his people into battleground. The man that instill courage and strength into his people. This man that urge others to never retreat or surrender. The one that roars the loudest so that other could find their strength to do the same. The one that stands in the frontier of the battleline.
And I saw this one man in someone I know.
The one that says: "If i perish, I perish".
And i know why I love those movies. Because something inside me that is so primeval yearn to be in a battle with him. A battle not of flesh and blood.
Without a battle, there will not be Victory!
And I know I was born for Victory!
They are the genre of movies that I love. Ancient history/civilisation and ancient battle. The movies that speak of the glory days of the Roman and the Greek empire where they conquere the rest of the world..
They intrigues me beyond my understanding. Being the sort of girl who dislike watching gory film, I cannot understand what makes me love such films.
Definately not brad pitt in his non-existence waist clothes in Troy or Gerard Butler with his six packs in 300. Well not really anyway. haha..
But they have something that captivate me in that cinema seat. Something that makes me held my breathe. Something that makes my heart beat faster. (its really not brad pitt! believe me) I thought that maybe I'm a saddist that enjoy watching people slaughtering others, blood being spilled, heads detaching from their bodies.
But no, because speaking of all that really grossed me out already.
So I don't think I am a saddist.
Its something else.
Then it dawn on me...
Its about the men fighting for a cause that they believed in. Fighting for their freedom, to protect their love ones, and for the land that they call home. And thus creating history with their stories.
But there is always this leader, this one man. The bravery of this one man that lead his people into battleground. The man that instill courage and strength into his people. This man that urge others to never retreat or surrender. The one that roars the loudest so that other could find their strength to do the same. The one that stands in the frontier of the battleline.
And I saw this one man in someone I know.
The one that says: "If i perish, I perish".
And i know why I love those movies. Because something inside me that is so primeval yearn to be in a battle with him. A battle not of flesh and blood.
Without a battle, there will not be Victory!
And I know I was born for Victory!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
back at one
Its really funny when u think that you have walked away from your heartache and disappointment only to find yourselves confronting the very same thing once again. You dont know whether to laugh or to cry. Literally. You tell yourself you have let that go and ready to put it aside only to find yourself back at the original starting point. Back at square one.
You wonder if this is yet another test you have to pass or is this the real thing this time? What if it is something that God has put in front of me once again and take it away once again? I never know. But i am still going to find out.
I am back at where I was. Will thing turn out differently this time? How many times do I have to go through it before I finally pass the test that He set for me?
Have mercy on me, I cried.
You wonder if this is yet another test you have to pass or is this the real thing this time? What if it is something that God has put in front of me once again and take it away once again? I never know. But i am still going to find out.
I am back at where I was. Will thing turn out differently this time? How many times do I have to go through it before I finally pass the test that He set for me?
Have mercy on me, I cried.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
goodbye my lover
Pen in my hand, staring at empty space.
Trying to put all that is up there into a page.
A writer without a muse.
Impatient into frustration and finally into desperation.
Late at night, you told me you couldn't sleep.
I have hurt you beyond your wildest dream.
But don't you understand.
I am just too far from where you are.
Hoping to make your pain go away.
So I stay away.
For the first and the final time I say this to you instead.
I'm gonna let you go.
αντίο
Trying to put all that is up there into a page.
A writer without a muse.
Impatient into frustration and finally into desperation.
Late at night, you told me you couldn't sleep.
I have hurt you beyond your wildest dream.
But don't you understand.
I am just too far from where you are.
Hoping to make your pain go away.
So I stay away.
For the first and the final time I say this to you instead.
I'm gonna let you go.
αντίο
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Yes I do
I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders.
They pushed me down further and further.
I feel the pain, tears sting my eyes.
I am carrying more than what I can bear.
You then said to me: "Rest on my love, and cast all of my cares on you".
I walked on because I know only I can carry my cross.
Only I can to do this on my own, walk this stony path alone.
Broken into a trillion pieces, thrown all over the place.
Never to be One again.
You then said to me: "I had already walked down that thorny road while carrying that cross for you".
You make everything sound so easy.
Like all my brokeness and pain will just go away.
I wanted to hand you that baggage that I clinged so tightly on.
But I so afraid to let it go.
You then said to me: "Trust in my unfailing love for you".
There are so many questions with so little answer.
I want to know why must I carry this load.
Please tell me how far must I go till I know why.
Why must I wander down this road.
And you asked me: "Do you trust me? Do you trust me? Do you trust me?"
I do, I do, I do
They pushed me down further and further.
I feel the pain, tears sting my eyes.
I am carrying more than what I can bear.
You then said to me: "Rest on my love, and cast all of my cares on you".
I walked on because I know only I can carry my cross.
Only I can to do this on my own, walk this stony path alone.
Broken into a trillion pieces, thrown all over the place.
Never to be One again.
You then said to me: "I had already walked down that thorny road while carrying that cross for you".
You make everything sound so easy.
Like all my brokeness and pain will just go away.
I wanted to hand you that baggage that I clinged so tightly on.
But I so afraid to let it go.
You then said to me: "Trust in my unfailing love for you".
There are so many questions with so little answer.
I want to know why must I carry this load.
Please tell me how far must I go till I know why.
Why must I wander down this road.
And you asked me: "Do you trust me? Do you trust me? Do you trust me?"
I do, I do, I do
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Breaking free
Many times, we do things out of obligations, live to fulfill unspoken definition that govern our life. We stuck by them because we have to not because we wanted to. And we are restricted in the way we want to live our life.
Then when can we do things that truely pleases us?
Wisemen love to give advise thinking that they know it all, live it all. But they never asked if we needed them in the first place. They have forgotten that it is through the trials and errors that they have been through that truely defines who they are.
If you never try, we'll never know. And if you never try, you never really live.
Maybe we know the dangers of what lurk ahead and know that we might even get ourselves hurt. But isn't that the most exciting part?
I'm tired of living my life with people telling me what I should do, what I shouldn't.
"You should get a job soon"
"Maybe this isn't the will of God"
"With your result, it is a waste that you don't want to apply for university"
"You shouldn't travel alone because it is dangerous for a girl to do that"
"This job might affect your ministry in church so it is better to find something else that won't"
yadayadayada....
Don't they think I don't know all that? Why is it that when I want to do something radical, I have to seek their advise? Because they know better?
Their opinions and their voices became louder and louder and I become smaller and smaller. I cease to become who I am, while trying to please them.
I hate responsibilities, commitment, have a deep hatre for doing things that I don't have a passion for. I always thought that the rules in life don't apply to me.
I don't need another advise to tell me that whatI should do. I know what I should do. But I just choose not to do it. I know it is wrong to say this, wrong to do this. But why can't I be wrong for once? Why do I always always have to do what is right?
I am tired of doing what is expected of me. What I expect of myself.
I want to do something which is out of the ordinary for once.
To live for myself, for once.
Break Away - Kelly Clarkson
Grew up in a small town,
And when the rain would fall down,
I'd just stare out my window.
Dreaming of what could be,
And if I'd end up happy,
I would pray.
Trying hard to reach out,
But when I tried to speak out,
Felt like no-one could hear me.
Wanted to belong here,
But something felt so wrong here.
So I'd pray,
I could break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Wanna feel the warm breeze,
Sleep under a palm tree,
Feel the rush of the ocean,
Get onboard a fast train,
Travel on a jetplane,
Faraway, and break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Buildings with a 100 floors,
Swinging around revolving doors,
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me.
But I gotta keep moving on moving on,
Fly away, break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
Though its not easy to tell you goodbye.
Gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget the place I come from.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Break away, break away
Then when can we do things that truely pleases us?
Wisemen love to give advise thinking that they know it all, live it all. But they never asked if we needed them in the first place. They have forgotten that it is through the trials and errors that they have been through that truely defines who they are.
If you never try, we'll never know. And if you never try, you never really live.
Maybe we know the dangers of what lurk ahead and know that we might even get ourselves hurt. But isn't that the most exciting part?
I'm tired of living my life with people telling me what I should do, what I shouldn't.
"You should get a job soon"
"Maybe this isn't the will of God"
"With your result, it is a waste that you don't want to apply for university"
"You shouldn't travel alone because it is dangerous for a girl to do that"
"This job might affect your ministry in church so it is better to find something else that won't"
yadayadayada....
Don't they think I don't know all that? Why is it that when I want to do something radical, I have to seek their advise? Because they know better?
Their opinions and their voices became louder and louder and I become smaller and smaller. I cease to become who I am, while trying to please them.
I hate responsibilities, commitment, have a deep hatre for doing things that I don't have a passion for. I always thought that the rules in life don't apply to me.
I don't need another advise to tell me that whatI should do. I know what I should do. But I just choose not to do it. I know it is wrong to say this, wrong to do this. But why can't I be wrong for once? Why do I always always have to do what is right?
I am tired of doing what is expected of me. What I expect of myself.
I want to do something which is out of the ordinary for once.
To live for myself, for once.
Break Away - Kelly Clarkson
Grew up in a small town,
And when the rain would fall down,
I'd just stare out my window.
Dreaming of what could be,
And if I'd end up happy,
I would pray.
Trying hard to reach out,
But when I tried to speak out,
Felt like no-one could hear me.
Wanted to belong here,
But something felt so wrong here.
So I'd pray,
I could break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Wanna feel the warm breeze,
Sleep under a palm tree,
Feel the rush of the ocean,
Get onboard a fast train,
Travel on a jetplane,
Faraway, and break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Buildings with a 100 floors,
Swinging around revolving doors,
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me.
But I gotta keep moving on moving on,
Fly away, break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
Though its not easy to tell you goodbye.
Gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget the place I come from.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Break away, break away
Friday, March 02, 2007
eye of the storm
Like all thunderstorms, the precipitation will eventually cease and the strong gust of wind will stop blowing. And if you observe carefully, you might even see the rainbow that comes after that.
Common sense tells us that the rain will stop and the sun will come out exhibiting its manificent glory.
But it didn't tell us how long the rain will last.
Similarly like the storm of our life, we know that we will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel but we don't know when.
Fear crippled us when we are standing in pitch darkness. Our cries hit empty walls echoing our loneliness. Our vision is impaired by the total darkness that surround our heart and envelope our soul.
And like King David, we cried out "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me"? -quote psalm 42:5
My life is now in the presence of a major thunderstorm, wondering when will it go away. But God says "Put your hope in God, for I will YET praise Him, my saviour and my God".
And suddenly I find myself in the eye of the storm.
Safe in the arm of my Savior.
Common sense tells us that the rain will stop and the sun will come out exhibiting its manificent glory.
But it didn't tell us how long the rain will last.
Similarly like the storm of our life, we know that we will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel but we don't know when.
Fear crippled us when we are standing in pitch darkness. Our cries hit empty walls echoing our loneliness. Our vision is impaired by the total darkness that surround our heart and envelope our soul.
And like King David, we cried out "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me"? -quote psalm 42:5
My life is now in the presence of a major thunderstorm, wondering when will it go away. But God says "Put your hope in God, for I will YET praise Him, my saviour and my God".
And suddenly I find myself in the eye of the storm.
Safe in the arm of my Savior.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Be still and know that He is God
Waiting for the letter is like waiting for the rain to come in the middle of the drought.
Slow, painful and seemingly impossible.
I have been pacing around my letterbox for days and the letter has yet to arrive. The postman comes and go but without the envelope that addressed my name. Excruciating torment torture me days and nights.
But I put my trust in God. The One that specializes in the impossibles. The God that is above all things. I put my hope in God. The One that says to me that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me".
Be Still and knows that He is God.
Slow, painful and seemingly impossible.
I have been pacing around my letterbox for days and the letter has yet to arrive. The postman comes and go but without the envelope that addressed my name. Excruciating torment torture me days and nights.
But I put my trust in God. The One that specializes in the impossibles. The God that is above all things. I put my hope in God. The One that says to me that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me".
Be Still and knows that He is God.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Crossroad
After all the festive feasting, visitation and late night majong sessions, my body finally surrender defeat. My immune system was attacked and I am officially down with the flu virus. It has actually been awhile since I was down with serious flu. This time it hits really hard and I have to stay at home, rest in my bed.
Darn...
Anyway, last night was really fun BBQing at Mark's place. The choir friends from church all gather together to have fun, sing worship songs and stuffing our face silly with food! It was great, especially the singing part! Haven't had that in a long time.
I'll probably will have more time for fun since I have now (un)officially graduated from TP. I have no intention to further my studies in the university and no intention to start looking for a job yet (almost true) so that leaves me with so much time on hand.
What should I do?
I really hate standing in the crossroad wondering where to go next. It bothers me so much that it can give me sleepless night (almost true too) Well... not really sleepless as it take much for me to have insomia but bad enough to give me nightmares. Maybe I am someone who really need to have control over things. So it kinda scares me when I don't know what is the next step for me. But doesn't everyone feels that too?
I remembered watching a show call "CrossRoad" by Britney Spears. Haha.. Ok I admit that I rather fancy her in the past. But that was in the past, so no more raking up the closets. She is really diving headstrong towards a mental breakdown right now. Poor her. Anyway, ya coming back to the movie, it also shows 3 girls standing at the crossroad of their life. And it work out perfectly. I believe that mine will too. Even though it is just a movie.
If you don't know by now. I always believe in the movies because they allow me to be in denial. haha
Anyway, my cough now seems to have worsen. I better go else I'll splatter my monitor with my germs.
Darn...
Anyway, last night was really fun BBQing at Mark's place. The choir friends from church all gather together to have fun, sing worship songs and stuffing our face silly with food! It was great, especially the singing part! Haven't had that in a long time.
I'll probably will have more time for fun since I have now (un)officially graduated from TP. I have no intention to further my studies in the university and no intention to start looking for a job yet (almost true) so that leaves me with so much time on hand.
What should I do?
I really hate standing in the crossroad wondering where to go next. It bothers me so much that it can give me sleepless night (almost true too) Well... not really sleepless as it take much for me to have insomia but bad enough to give me nightmares. Maybe I am someone who really need to have control over things. So it kinda scares me when I don't know what is the next step for me. But doesn't everyone feels that too?
I remembered watching a show call "CrossRoad" by Britney Spears. Haha.. Ok I admit that I rather fancy her in the past. But that was in the past, so no more raking up the closets. She is really diving headstrong towards a mental breakdown right now. Poor her. Anyway, ya coming back to the movie, it also shows 3 girls standing at the crossroad of their life. And it work out perfectly. I believe that mine will too. Even though it is just a movie.
If you don't know by now. I always believe in the movies because they allow me to be in denial. haha
Anyway, my cough now seems to have worsen. I better go else I'll splatter my monitor with my germs.
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