of Rain down

I feel like jumping with joy whenever I hear this song.

Lord, may you rain down your spirit on me. My heart is parched, but still I will sing. Rain it down on me...

Of we are who we choose to be

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, 'My son, the battle is between 'two wolves' inside us all.

'One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.'

'The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, 'Which wolf wins?'

The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'

child-likeness

I had a quick catch up with the ladies at East Coast Big Splash earlier this afternoon. We really enjoyed ourselves.

Xueli brought her cutie Elly along but I think she is in a bad mood today. Whenever me and MArk tried to get near her, she will pout her lips and look like she is going to cry anytime. Other times, she will laugh. Talk about unpredictable.

The thing about children is they can behave as how they felt and get away with it. If they are happy, they play with you. If they are cranky, they just ignore you. If they are tired, they will just go to sleep.

You know, how I wish I can be like them. To be able to express my emotions plainly without being critised.

Children never take anything personally and never hold grudges. They will not judge or get angry at you for long. They are basically UNOFFENDABLE.

Each day presents a clean slate for them and a new adventure.

We should learn to be more like children so we can enjoy each day as it is.

How I wish I can dance like nobody is watching, live like there is no tomorrow.

of magic wand & genie in the bottle

When I was a little girl of around 4 years of age, I got the taste of my first real disappointment.

I don’t know how I gotten the idea that I could purchase a magic wand and that could grant me any 3 wishes I wanted. It could be from the cartoon network or some fairy tales bedtime story. Nonetheless, the idea of having a magic wand fascinates me beyond my little mind could contain. I thought of it day and night and even dreamt about it.

Somehow, I manage to persuade my mom to give me $50 to buy my wand. $50 is a big thing 20 years ago. It could be a $200 equivalent in today’s context. My mom could have felt that intense earnest in me to agree to this silly request of her 4 years old daughter.

In my mum’s mind, it just another ‘toy’ which her daughter wanted and soon she will grow out of that airy fairy phase. It wasn’t like that for me. I sincerely believed that such magic exist and is determined in hunting it down.

On that fateful day, my sister, our nanny and I set off for my ‘wand’ hunting at Toys’ R Us across the island. I don’t know if my nanny is just patronizing me or if she really doesn’t have a clue of what I was looking for. We wandered from stores to stores, with me trying my best to describe the magic wand to the sales person. We were rejected at each stores and the disappointment sets in deeper and deeper.

At the end of that day, I was somehow convinced that what I was looking for doesn’t exist.
What saddened me most is not about the magic wand. It wasn’t even about the 3 wishes that I could have. I didn’t even think about what are they wishes that I wanted.

It is about idea of having a magical wand, a mystical “genie in the bottle” who will grant me just about anything I wanted.

I felt disappointment for the first time in my life (at age 4).

I told this story to MArk last night. We were at Wendy’s birthday celebration and somehow I brought up this topic. MArk wasn’t surprise. He is rather accustomed to my ‘Alice in Wonderland’ mode but he had another name for that. He called them ‘you and your nonsense’ instead.

I told me that it was at age 4 that I realized I couldn’t have what I want all the time. I understood disappointment. I realize that my life is not as easy as to waving a magic wand and getting just what I wanted.

On our way home, we stopped by the petrol kiosk and I have gotten a surprise.
Before MArk stepped off the car, being the gentleman that he is, he will always ask if he can get me anything from the store. I just causally told him that I wanted the Tigger plush toy which was on display at the store. Both of us know that I am not a fan of plush toy and he knew that I’m being nonsense again. So he left the car without a word to make payment.

5 minutes later, he came back with the Tigger in his arm.

He told me that he fought all the urges to come back and asked if I truly wanted the toy. He goes against his logic and gotten me something which I just said I wanted.

I knew he remembered my story.

I still didn’t have the magic wand. But I have him. I have family and friends who loved me and who are willing to go all out and care for me and protect me.

I won’t forget the look on his face when he came back to the car that day.

I was looking at my magic wand.

Even better, I am looking at a magic wand who not only give me what I want. He gives me what is best for me.

If given a choice to get what you want and what is good for you, what would you choose?

Me too. :)

I thought of our heavenly father and I thought I saw Jesus in him that day.

of new inspiration and dreams

Its a funny feeling.

Everytime I wanted to start anew, I have this urge to change my blogskin. It is as if there is some sort of intertwined connection between them. I'll have this urge to blog. Like changing a new outlook will have a change of heart.

My heart.

This is a new beginning for me.

Bit by bit, there will be new changes. Good changes.

Look out for it!

2nd Driving attempt

Work started in full swing and time passes so quickly. It is one of the rare luxuries that I never get to enjoy back at the ex-company. Back then, minutes passed like hours and hours like days.

Now, a random check on the time will reflect a good 3 hours difference from the last check. Before I know it, it’s time to pack up and hit home! Within the 8 hours, I’m doing a million thing, concurrently.

That’s how 1 month has passed. – without knowing it…

Today’s different.

Today, I’ve taken a day off for my driving test. Unfortunately, I failed the second attempt. I was really confident of this time, thinking that I am more prepared, etc… Still…

This was my worst attempt yet. I wondered why I suck at driving and concluded that my mind cannot be doing only one thing at a time. In another words, I am a serial multi-tasker. To do one thing at a time bored me to death. So while driving, my mind auto-pilot itself to do more than a thing at a time. And most of the time, while driving, my mind auto-pilot itself to day-dream. Its really scary when suddenly, I was jotted out of daydream to force myself to concentrate on the road and one minute later drifting into wonderland like our dear Alice…

(Is it me or it is me?)

But through this, I’ve learnt. We often learn our lesson through failure. I learn how not to be afraid of failing. Many times, the idea of failing is more terrifying than the actual failure itself. I’ll try again.

My 3^rd final attempt.

Job search testimony

Dear all,

As some of you have known, I have been desperately searching for a job for the past 5 months. I was really at my breaking point in my current company and was literally dragging my feet to work daily. But I want to share the good news with you that God has opened a door for me and I just signed the appointment letter with the new company on Tuesday (20.01.09)

Jer29:11 is the key verse that held me on during those bleakest days.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prospers you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”.

I know that God has a marvelous plan for me. I just have not seen it coming to pass. I told God that I’ll be waiting. The wait hasn’t been easy for me.

As you know, God place us in His waiting room where valuable lessons couldn’t be learnt anywhere else. God is teaching me a lesson of endurance, dying to my desire, dealing with disappointment and His favor.

As I continue reading Jer29:12-14(a), “Then you will call upon me, and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me with all your hearts, I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity…

Only on hindsight, I realized that God has led me on a journey to seek Him, not the job.


God has His way of teaching me how to die to my desire. In all the resumes which I have sent out, there are those (3-4 of them) that I have classified as “dream job”. Interestingly enough, I will always be called up for interview, each one keeps getting better that the previous one.

Each of the rejection was always at the final stages of interviews stating hiring freeze or they decided to choose another candidates (its either me or the other person) or other reasons.

The final call came when I was rejected yet again but this time it was for the job which I have been eyeing for since my school days.

I was devastated, disappointed and hopeless. Angry at why God didn’t bless with me that job. I could still feel the raw emotions at this point of time. However it was through that that God lead me on a process of dying to my desire.

I was literally like “since the worst is over, I didn’t get that dream job, what can be worst than that?”


A dead man doesn’t struggle. Through these, I have stopped struggling with God on searching for the job. Of course I prayed that His salvation will come as it was really unbearable for me in my current company but I let Him take full control.

Still after one month, nothing happens. I wondered why God is silent. Then God led me to read a passage from a book “Experiencing God”.

When Lazarus was dying, Mary and Martha sent a message to Jesus to come to them. But Jesus waited for 2 days before going and Lazarus was already lying cold in the tomb for 4 days. Why Jesus did not act immediately. Why the silent treatment from Jesus?? The passage then continue to say that (in my own words) :“you already know that I can heal the sick and know that I will heal Lazarus. But now, I’m bringing you to another level and let you see my Glory like you have not seen before by raising a dead man”.

God truly show himself to me after couple of days.

My aunt sent me a good article by Joel Osten on God’s favor. She told me I have to read it before going for my 2nd interview (Yes another mental torture!). She told me God told her that His favor will be upon me. I have attached it so you can read it and apply as well.

Indeed, His favour is upon me when the HR manager called me to tell me that I was selected for the job! WooHoo!

Well.. Just when I thought it was finally over, God still didn’t think it is!

God knows how unbearable I was in my current company and decided to give me a break!

My boss told me that she does not need to me serve the one month notice as I held some confidential information on the company. She asked me to do my handover and she’ll release me on the same day!!!

Through and through, I was overwhelmed by God’s grace and favor. I cannot sit and do nothing after what He had done for me. I really give all thanks to Him for what He had done and for all the people He had sent to encourage me.

Through this, I saw the love of my family and friends. Helping me through this has become a community affair.

People to thank:
Me and MArk’s family are constantly encouraging me. Yee Kwee, Flora and Elaine were always praying for me, my friends (Xueli, Jorine, Carlene-sister) were always sending me sms to update me with job ‘lobangs’, Tina and Shelley did all that they can to pray for me, hold me tight from spiraling downwards, Vincent for his impactful resume writing, Minvey, Chris Tan, Diana for sharing with me their testimony to give me surge of hope when I really need. I also want to thank MArk for he not only saw all the tears, disappointment, hopelessness and fear in me, he also walk the path with me, feeling my pain as though it was his.

Above all else, I thank God for what He has done, the doors which He had close, those that He open and for all the people He had sent to encourage me, to give me hope for another day.

Love Life

Aurora Greenway: "Work like you don't need the money, love like your heart has never been broken, and dance like no one is watching".

Serenity Prayer

During our teenage years, we were frantically losing ourselves in the whirlpool of peer pressure, deceived by what love truly means and ignorant of what freedom really stands for. As a result, we become someone who are defined by the wrong yardstick, a measurement given by society, a collective “they” whom we don’t even know their name.

To say that we cease to become who we are is unwarranted because we didn’t know who define what we are.

1. Are we who we are because of an inborn characteristic?
2. Or because of what we create ourselves to be?
3. Or because of who we want to become?

If the second is true, is it sufficed to say that we become who we are by experience?

If the third is true, is it sufficed to say that becoming who we are is a process…

No doubt, I’m sure there are elements of truth in the 3 points.

Why are the differences between growing up and growing old?

Probably growing up is a process where we lose ourselves completely to find ourselves again while growing old is a process by which we learn to come to term with the person we have become.

Learning to accept ourselves may be the hardest thing we all need to learn.

God,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

(The Serenity Prayer is generally thought to have been written by Reinhold Niebuhr)

Lost but found.

There is often a desire to close down this blog because I felt that I never have the time to blog anymore. Once, it was my passion to write down my thoughts and share them with people but now that passion has dwindled to a barely-there, lukewarm attempt.

Someone once told me not to find a job that coincide with my passion because it will be as good as killing that passion. "Why make your passion a chore?"

In my job as a marcomm, I have to devote at least 75% of my time producing communication materials, press releases, newsletter articles copy writing for ads. After so much writing during work, the last thing I want to do when I get home is to write some more.

But there is also another saying which says: "Find a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life".

So which is then the true mantra?

Will doing something you love everyday makes that a chore eventually?

I believe that it will.

However, it doesn't mean that it has to be.

I felt that I was a little despondent after working for awhile. Day in and day out the same thing. The initial enthusiasm encounter a life-threatening plunge and I believe that if I don't do something about it, it will lead to a catastrophic ending.

So I pray....

God really did came to intervene and did a heart surgery for me.

He let me see that He has already blessed me abundantly. Not many people can claim to do what they love but He has blessed me with that. My heart of discontentment change to a heart of thanks-giving. I saw my situation through the eyes of His and it makes sense to me that it has indeed been a blessing.

He has also blessed me with people whom always give me timely advises that reveals the very word of God to me.

Yes.... we will all grow tired at one point in time doing what we always do. But God always give a renewal of your heart if you asked Him to.

I was lost but now am found.

of discovering Grace

"Grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us more and there is nothing we can do to make God love us less."


Grace comes so freely but yet people just can't accept that. Refuse to accept it even though it is staring us squarely in the face.


Coming from the mentality that "there is no free lunch in the world", we tend to question God's Grace the same way. Is it really given freely? No question asked?


In almost everything we do, there is often a hidden agenda, something that is of our vested interest. Grace on the other hand works on the opposite of the pendulum. It requires nothing from us, makes no demands and ask for nothing in return. The only thing I could think of is that it requires us to have the full assurance of the definition of Grace.


However our thick head just refuse to let that truth sink in. Is that so hard to comprehend? It might be incomprehensible at first, but just wait and see...

Eph2:4-5 (NIV) But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.