of mixed feelings

I was watching a funny scene on TV when it all started. It first started as a chuckle, and progressively evolve into full blown laughter. I was laughing and laughing so hard till tears were streaming down uncontrollably. Without any warning, it laughing turn to sobbing. Those fat tears just rolled down uncontrollably...

This yo-yo emotion went on for a good 3 minutes before I snapped myself out of it.

This never happened to me before... Must be those pent-up emotions trying all their means to escape me through any emotional release action, hence make those laughing-out-loud become sobbing-out-loud.

While I was laughing-crying or whatever you call that, I was actually alternating between 2 emotions simutaneouly; laughing and crying and laughing and crying again. One moment I was laughing at the stupidity of the actress, and the next moment I found myself crying and thinking about those issues that life has thrown onto my lap. This yo-yo emotion went on for a good 3 minutes before I snapped myself out of it.

That's what I would literally call - mixed feelings.

You know they always say "don't know to laugh or to cry". While I did both. I laughed and I cried.

I must be too high strung lately. Hmmm..

Source: getty images

darkness in the dark

overwhelmed by words cramming up my heads. they could form sentences to create a novel but they chose to do otherwise. random thoughts became irrational fears. sometimes i just want to get away from myself. go to some place where i'm separated by my thoughts. they ought to be one entity but somehow the lines are crossed. those times, those moments, those early hours before anyone start the day, they have already started theirs. they choose to haunt the weak, make them strengthless, crippled them.

all i ask is a quiet night all by my own.

until silent is all i hear.

until peace is all i felt.

until then...

of a dose of sanity, please

The mind plays trick. It really does.

It deceived you from the truth, blind you from seeing what you actually need to see. It leads you further from reality. So far away.

Sometimes it makes you sad, but tears you cried flow inward. Deep into the cortex of your soul. Nobody can see what's going on your mind. Neither could you. It's funny isn't it?

Sometimes it makes you afraid, but the fear your felt is groundless and you couldn't hold on to anything to support you. It's ridiculous isn't it?

Sometimes it pushes the people you love away, it didn't began like that but it eventually does.

Sometimes it makes laughter goes on strikes, killing the joy within you.

You get angry because this shouldn't be the way. You wanted to scream but only manage a slight whimper. You grew strenghless allowing it to overtake every part of you till you can no longer fight.

The darkness came overshadowing the lights.

beautiful stranger

Beautiful Stranger - Chrissy


Brushed shoulders, blank expression, not a word exchanged
Standing in the masses, disoriented in thoughts, lost in transition
The mind takes on a life of its own, warring to self destruction

There got to be something for me somewhere

Out of the corner of my eyes, I caught a familiar sight
My eyes sweep across the aisle and fix on you.
A beautiful stranger

An overwhelming sense of deja vu

You stood there staring at me, I wonder why
Time stood still in anticipation when your vision align with mine

What is to come, each step closer send shockwaves through
Electrifying, sometimes painful, other times fearful
Your visage faltering like a mirage, unreal

Escape on my mind, realisation of disillusion plunges deep
The hope of the unknown hanging on...

Should I stay or should I go?

of discovering Grace

"Grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us more and there is nothing we can do to make God love us less."


Grace comes so freely but yet people just can't accept that. Refuse to accept it even though it is staring us squarely in the face.


Coming from the mentality that "there is no free lunch in the world", we tend to question God's Grace the same way. Is it really given freely? No question asked?


In almost everything we do, there is often a hidden agenda, something that is of our vested interest. Grace on the other hand works on the opposite of the pendulum. It requires nothing from us, makes no demands and ask for nothing in return. The only thing I could think of is that it requires us to have the full assurance of the definition of Grace.


However our thick head just refuse to let that truth sink in. Is that so hard to comprehend? It might be incomprehensible at first, but just wait and see...

Eph2:4-5 (NIV) But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.