Fragility of Lives
give someone you love a hug. tell them you love them. let them know you appreciate the things they do. do it all the time. do it now.
The closest that I have ever come face to face with Death is seeing my grandfather breathing his last on his deathbed. That happened 2 years ago.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I witnessed the same thing, but this time it was a friend.
As I was waiting at the holding room in the hospital, I can’t help but reflect on the vulnerability and fragility of our lives. How easily we could slip from one end to the other.
On the contrary, I also see the strength of a person when she faces Death. The relentless pursuit to put up a good fight, not letting Death has its way easily.
How often we said goodbye to somebody without stopping to think that maybe it will be the last time we will ever see them again? How often we don’t stop to ask a friend how she is doing because there is “always next time?”
What if there is no next time? Or there is no tomorrow? What if NOW is all you have?
Would you have done differently?
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
of a dose of sanity, please
The mind plays trick. It really does.
It deceived you from the truth, blind you from seeing what you actually need to see. It leads you further from reality. So far away.
Sometimes it makes you sad, but tears you cried flow inward. Deep into the cortex of your soul. Nobody can see what's going on your mind. Neither could you. It's funny isn't it?
Sometimes it makes you afraid, but the fear your felt is groundless and you couldn't hold on to anything to support you. It's ridiculous isn't it?
Sometimes it pushes the people you love away, it didn't began like that but it eventually does.
Sometimes it makes laughter goes on strikes, killing the joy within you.
You get angry because this shouldn't be the way. You wanted to scream but only manage a slight whimper. You grew strenghless allowing it to overtake every part of you till you can no longer fight.
The darkness came overshadowing the lights.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Lost but found.
There is often a desire to close down this blog because I felt that I never have the time to blog anymore. Once, it was my passion to write down my thoughts and share them with people but now that passion has dwindled to a barely-there, lukewarm attempt.
Someone once told me not to find a job that coincide with my passion because it will be as good as killing that passion. "Why make your passion a chore?"
In my job as a marcomm, I have to devote at least 75% of my time producing communication materials, press releases, newsletter articles copy writing for ads. After so much writing during work, the last thing I want to do when I get home is to write some more.
But there is also another saying which says: "Find a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life".
So which is then the true mantra?
Will doing something you love everyday makes that a chore eventually?
I believe that it will.
However, it doesn't mean that it has to be.
I felt that I was a little despondent after working for awhile. Day in and day out the same thing. The initial enthusiasm encounter a life-threatening plunge and I believe that if I don't do something about it, it will lead to a catastrophic ending.
So I pray....
God really did came to intervene and did a heart surgery for me.
He let me see that He has already blessed me abundantly. Not many people can claim to do what they love but He has blessed me with that. My heart of discontentment change to a heart of thanks-giving. I saw my situation through the eyes of His and it makes sense to me that it has indeed been a blessing.
He has also blessed me with people whom always give me timely advises that reveals the very word of God to me.
Yes.... we will all grow tired at one point in time doing what we always do. But God always give a renewal of your heart if you asked Him to.
I was lost but now am found.
Someone once told me not to find a job that coincide with my passion because it will be as good as killing that passion. "Why make your passion a chore?"
In my job as a marcomm, I have to devote at least 75% of my time producing communication materials, press releases, newsletter articles copy writing for ads. After so much writing during work, the last thing I want to do when I get home is to write some more.
But there is also another saying which says: "Find a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life".
So which is then the true mantra?
Will doing something you love everyday makes that a chore eventually?
I believe that it will.
However, it doesn't mean that it has to be.
I felt that I was a little despondent after working for awhile. Day in and day out the same thing. The initial enthusiasm encounter a life-threatening plunge and I believe that if I don't do something about it, it will lead to a catastrophic ending.
So I pray....
God really did came to intervene and did a heart surgery for me.
He let me see that He has already blessed me abundantly. Not many people can claim to do what they love but He has blessed me with that. My heart of discontentment change to a heart of thanks-giving. I saw my situation through the eyes of His and it makes sense to me that it has indeed been a blessing.
He has also blessed me with people whom always give me timely advises that reveals the very word of God to me.
Yes.... we will all grow tired at one point in time doing what we always do. But God always give a renewal of your heart if you asked Him to.
I was lost but now am found.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
beautiful stranger
Beautiful Stranger - Chrissy
Brushed shoulders, blank expression, not a word exchanged
Standing in the masses, disoriented in thoughts, lost in transition
The mind takes on a life of its own, warring to self destruction
There got to be something for me somewhere
Out of the corner of my eyes, I caught a familiar sight
My eyes sweep across the aisle and fix on you.
A beautiful stranger
An overwhelming sense of deja vu
You stood there staring at me, I wonder why
Time stood still in anticipation when your vision align with mine
What is to come, each step closer send shockwaves through
Electrifying, sometimes painful, other times fearful
Your visage faltering like a mirage, unreal
Escape on my mind, realisation of disillusion plunges deep
The hope of the unknown hanging on...
Should I stay or should I go?
Brushed shoulders, blank expression, not a word exchanged
Standing in the masses, disoriented in thoughts, lost in transition
The mind takes on a life of its own, warring to self destruction
There got to be something for me somewhere
Out of the corner of my eyes, I caught a familiar sight
My eyes sweep across the aisle and fix on you.
A beautiful stranger
An overwhelming sense of deja vu
You stood there staring at me, I wonder why
Time stood still in anticipation when your vision align with mine
What is to come, each step closer send shockwaves through
Electrifying, sometimes painful, other times fearful
Your visage faltering like a mirage, unreal
Escape on my mind, realisation of disillusion plunges deep
The hope of the unknown hanging on...
Should I stay or should I go?
Sunday, August 12, 2007
of discovering Grace
"Grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us more and there is nothing we can do to make God love us less."
Grace comes so freely but yet people just can't accept that. Refuse to accept it even though it is staring us squarely in the face.
Coming from the mentality that "there is no free lunch in the world", we tend to question God's Grace the same way. Is it really given freely? No question asked?
In almost everything we do, there is often a hidden agenda, something that is of our vested interest. Grace on the other hand works on the opposite of the pendulum. It requires nothing from us, makes no demands and ask for nothing in return. The only thing I could think of is that it requires us to have the full assurance of the definition of Grace.
However our thick head just refuse to let that truth sink in. Is that so hard to comprehend? It might be incomprehensible at first, but just wait and see...
Eph2:4-5 (NIV) But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
Grace comes so freely but yet people just can't accept that. Refuse to accept it even though it is staring us squarely in the face.
Coming from the mentality that "there is no free lunch in the world", we tend to question God's Grace the same way. Is it really given freely? No question asked?
In almost everything we do, there is often a hidden agenda, something that is of our vested interest. Grace on the other hand works on the opposite of the pendulum. It requires nothing from us, makes no demands and ask for nothing in return. The only thing I could think of is that it requires us to have the full assurance of the definition of Grace.
However our thick head just refuse to let that truth sink in. Is that so hard to comprehend? It might be incomprehensible at first, but just wait and see...
Eph2:4-5 (NIV) But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
The alchemist
It was yet another sad parting when I bid farewell to the last page of ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho. Reading his book is like talking to an old friend; a friend whom knows every of your deepest and most profound thoughts. Thoughts which nobody has excess to and it was imbedded deep into the recess of your soul. You will feel like you have the best conversation yet none of you spoke a word.
I have heard many positive comments regarding ‘The Alchemist’ but didn’t have the chance to read it. Yiling was the first person to recommend me his book with ‘Veronika decides to die’ as the first entry point. I couldn’t keep my hands off his books ever since.
Based on my own interpretation: (Spoilers)
The story speaks of a boy in search of his calling in life. To put it tangibly, he traveled all the way from Spain to Egypt looking treasures base on his recurring dreams and omens that he has. So off he went, selling all his possessions and embarks on the journey of his lifetime. Throughout his experience, he met many people whom became teachers to him, teaching him of the simple and yet unseen lessons of life and how to attain his personal callings.
Hypotheses of the lessons in life include:
Principle of favorability.
When we play the cards for the first time, we are almost sure to win. (some people call it beginner’s luck) It is because there is a force that wants you to realize your personal calling and will whet your appetite with a taste of success.
The destination of your goal is a mean to an end, not an end itself.
When we are too focused on achieving our goal, we forget the most important things; which is to learn the lessons along the way. To achieve your goal without learning anything is a futile process. You haven’t really attained your goal anyway.
Simplest lesson in life: When you possess great treasures within you and you tell people about it, they will seldom believe you.
I was reminded of Jesus. Jesus has the truth inside him that He knew that He is the Son of God that will redeem the sins of the world. He told his disciples about it but none of them really understood what he is talking about.
These are just some of the hypotheses that he has conjured about life. The book contains cauldron of such philosophies and is really interesting to read.
Anyway, the boy made his way to Egypt at his final destination. Unfortunately, he met a thieve that stole all his possessions and even tries to kill him. Not only has he lost all his belonging to get home, he didn’t find his treasures.
The irony twist came when the thieve told him that 2 years ago, he (the thieve) has a recurring dream to go to Spain to look for treasures under an old church but he wasn’t stupid enough to be like the boy to go just because of some stupid dreams.
The boy finally knew where his treasure was.
It was right where he has started his journey; In spain, besides an old church.
Fate has led him on a merry-go-round in search of the thing he was looking for but little does he knows that it was all along right under his nose.
I believe this is very applicable in real life. See, many times we are searching for happiness, love, money and what have you, but it was under our very eyes. We couldn’t see that we simply need contentment to enjoy those things. Until we went on a journey searching for them, going through difficult times, bruising our head and our heart did we find it where we have left off.
Do you think we could have found it if we weren’t led through the difficult period? Will we appreciate it just as much? What exactly do we find at the end of the journey is not really happiness, love or joy because we have them all along. But it is to be contented to know that they are there and to learn to appreciate them.
If the boy hasn’t gone all the way to Egypt, would he found what he is looking for? Even if he has found it, will he treasure it as much knowing that attaining that doesn’t come easy?
Give some thoughts to that.
I have heard many positive comments regarding ‘The Alchemist’ but didn’t have the chance to read it. Yiling was the first person to recommend me his book with ‘Veronika decides to die’ as the first entry point. I couldn’t keep my hands off his books ever since.
Based on my own interpretation: (Spoilers)
The story speaks of a boy in search of his calling in life. To put it tangibly, he traveled all the way from Spain to Egypt looking treasures base on his recurring dreams and omens that he has. So off he went, selling all his possessions and embarks on the journey of his lifetime. Throughout his experience, he met many people whom became teachers to him, teaching him of the simple and yet unseen lessons of life and how to attain his personal callings.
Hypotheses of the lessons in life include:
Principle of favorability.
When we play the cards for the first time, we are almost sure to win. (some people call it beginner’s luck) It is because there is a force that wants you to realize your personal calling and will whet your appetite with a taste of success.
The destination of your goal is a mean to an end, not an end itself.
When we are too focused on achieving our goal, we forget the most important things; which is to learn the lessons along the way. To achieve your goal without learning anything is a futile process. You haven’t really attained your goal anyway.
Simplest lesson in life: When you possess great treasures within you and you tell people about it, they will seldom believe you.
I was reminded of Jesus. Jesus has the truth inside him that He knew that He is the Son of God that will redeem the sins of the world. He told his disciples about it but none of them really understood what he is talking about.
These are just some of the hypotheses that he has conjured about life. The book contains cauldron of such philosophies and is really interesting to read.
Anyway, the boy made his way to Egypt at his final destination. Unfortunately, he met a thieve that stole all his possessions and even tries to kill him. Not only has he lost all his belonging to get home, he didn’t find his treasures.
The irony twist came when the thieve told him that 2 years ago, he (the thieve) has a recurring dream to go to Spain to look for treasures under an old church but he wasn’t stupid enough to be like the boy to go just because of some stupid dreams.
The boy finally knew where his treasure was.
It was right where he has started his journey; In spain, besides an old church.
Fate has led him on a merry-go-round in search of the thing he was looking for but little does he knows that it was all along right under his nose.
I believe this is very applicable in real life. See, many times we are searching for happiness, love, money and what have you, but it was under our very eyes. We couldn’t see that we simply need contentment to enjoy those things. Until we went on a journey searching for them, going through difficult times, bruising our head and our heart did we find it where we have left off.
Do you think we could have found it if we weren’t led through the difficult period? Will we appreciate it just as much? What exactly do we find at the end of the journey is not really happiness, love or joy because we have them all along. But it is to be contented to know that they are there and to learn to appreciate them.
If the boy hasn’t gone all the way to Egypt, would he found what he is looking for? Even if he has found it, will he treasure it as much knowing that attaining that doesn’t come easy?
Give some thoughts to that.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Random and poignant feelings
The mind starts the idling process evident by the absence of entries. Inspirations dart around like transitory arrows, missing the target. Nothing was really registered, nothing was really recorded. It seems like it was everything yet it was nothing.
The moment before bedtime, thoughts mirrored the myriad of stars in the sky, but just like stars, they disappear when the day break. You tried to seize them but the motion felt like capturing wind with bare hands; you feel the wind’s caress but can never hold it.
It may be like trying to articulate a thought but the words refuse to come out right. You knew there is a perfect word to describe the exact feeling yet the word seems to go into hiding. Other words do not suffice but you have to make do with them, settling for second best.
Or perhaps trying to mask the real you by pretending everything is rosy and nice. You want to look big on the outside but you felt so small on the inside. Something is eating you up but you could not confront it. And slowly, you shrink smaller and smaller and cease to exist all together.
Sometimes you look on the left and the right, you wonder why everyone seems to be alright. You want to know when is the exact moment when your world starts to crumble. You apprehend they do not happen overnight. They creep up on you slowly but gradually when you least realize. You wonder if everything will eventually be alright.
You look into your lover’s eyes and see an imprecise vision of yourselves inside. Have he seen you in a different light. A gap was conceived between the perception and reality. Who is to build a bridge and reconcile the gap?
The sudden birth of random, poignant thoughts. It captivates the souls, yet unsettling it and heighten the ordinary of things.
Dedicated to the ‘just because’ moments of our life.
The moment before bedtime, thoughts mirrored the myriad of stars in the sky, but just like stars, they disappear when the day break. You tried to seize them but the motion felt like capturing wind with bare hands; you feel the wind’s caress but can never hold it.
It may be like trying to articulate a thought but the words refuse to come out right. You knew there is a perfect word to describe the exact feeling yet the word seems to go into hiding. Other words do not suffice but you have to make do with them, settling for second best.
Or perhaps trying to mask the real you by pretending everything is rosy and nice. You want to look big on the outside but you felt so small on the inside. Something is eating you up but you could not confront it. And slowly, you shrink smaller and smaller and cease to exist all together.
Sometimes you look on the left and the right, you wonder why everyone seems to be alright. You want to know when is the exact moment when your world starts to crumble. You apprehend they do not happen overnight. They creep up on you slowly but gradually when you least realize. You wonder if everything will eventually be alright.
You look into your lover’s eyes and see an imprecise vision of yourselves inside. Have he seen you in a different light. A gap was conceived between the perception and reality. Who is to build a bridge and reconcile the gap?
The sudden birth of random, poignant thoughts. It captivates the souls, yet unsettling it and heighten the ordinary of things.
Dedicated to the ‘just because’ moments of our life.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
100K Campaign Drive Part 1
The word she whispered was pain.
Like a sensation that comes from the inside of her heart, radiating outwards. It slowly consumes her until what was left was something she could not grasp hold off. She finally realized what it means by “hanging on thin thread”. It could snap anytime.
She is falling into the abyss of darkness, straight into the devil’s lair. Above her was the world she came from. It smells of freshly-cut grasses and vanilla ice cream. She missed the warmth of the sun rays and the coolness of the sea breeze. The rustling sounds of trees invoked in her a sense of nostalgic. That’s where she belongs.
She has forgotten how laughter sound or felt like. Her tears accompanied her days and nights.
Is it too late now?
Then she remembered SOMEONE once told her this.
THERE IS A GOD THAT TAKES AWAY ALL PAINS. THERE IS NO SORROW ON EARTH THAT HEAVEN CANNOT HEAL.
She decided to take a chance. The only one she has left.
And the word she whispered was Jesus.
(Acts 2:21)
And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.
She got saved by Jesus. Instead of falling into the bottomless pit, she is now falling in the abyss of the love of Jesus. It grows more and more each day. And how do I know?
Of course I do. After all we know ourselves best isn’t it?
Be that SOMEONE to speak of Jesus love today to others in need. Be a blessing to others.
Are you part of the 100K campaign?
Like a sensation that comes from the inside of her heart, radiating outwards. It slowly consumes her until what was left was something she could not grasp hold off. She finally realized what it means by “hanging on thin thread”. It could snap anytime.
She is falling into the abyss of darkness, straight into the devil’s lair. Above her was the world she came from. It smells of freshly-cut grasses and vanilla ice cream. She missed the warmth of the sun rays and the coolness of the sea breeze. The rustling sounds of trees invoked in her a sense of nostalgic. That’s where she belongs.
She has forgotten how laughter sound or felt like. Her tears accompanied her days and nights.
Is it too late now?
Then she remembered SOMEONE once told her this.
THERE IS A GOD THAT TAKES AWAY ALL PAINS. THERE IS NO SORROW ON EARTH THAT HEAVEN CANNOT HEAL.
She decided to take a chance. The only one she has left.
And the word she whispered was Jesus.
(Acts 2:21)
And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.
She got saved by Jesus. Instead of falling into the bottomless pit, she is now falling in the abyss of the love of Jesus. It grows more and more each day. And how do I know?
Of course I do. After all we know ourselves best isn’t it?
Be that SOMEONE to speak of Jesus love today to others in need. Be a blessing to others.
Are you part of the 100K campaign?
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Graduation
My life, unlike this blog, haven't been stagnant. Well, i can't really say that I've been on a roller coaster ride but I guess it has been an uphill journey. Life's been treating me kind. More than kind actually.
The new job is worth raving about. I guess it is really what I have been praying for. God is good to me. As always, He hears my prayer. Besides getting invitation to media events, the perks of having beauty samples, going for free spa treatments, working on magazine print advertorials, religiously surfing through beauty magazines during work, having a team of fun-loving colleagues, meeting with media personnel and working closely with them. What more can a girl ask for right?
I was actually referring to the free samples and spa treatment, I'm sure you know.
Of course there are the OTs and weekends reporting back for work. But in life, you win some and you lose some. Not everyone can have their cakes and eat in. All the time.
But I guess with God, we can. Have the cake, eat it and even top it off with ice creams and delicious looking toppings. That is how generous God is. This morning while doing my quiet time, something daunt on me.
Each new day, we were actually given a blank cheque to fill in. We can put in any amount that our hearts desire and God will credit into our account. Well, not literally of course. But something along that line. The start of each day started on a clean white slate. We could design, write, draw, paint or do whatever we like onto it. At the end of the day, stop and admire the piece of art you have created. God's love is new every morning.
Of course, with God as my banker, I shall lack nothing.
Oh, graduation ceremony was on monday. Here are some pictures from that day;
Chris & Mummy. Wish pupz was there.
Chris & Crystal. Tolls of projects & exams were all behind. Too bad couldn't take a 'family potrait' with Genesis
Cathay Pacific gang
My 2 'mummies'
Just an afterthought:
What is life after graduation?
Thursday, April 12, 2007
My first full time job
Great news my friends...
I have found my first full time job! A real job which brings bread and butter back every month. Not forgeting many beauty products!!!! Nonetheless, there will be the added responsibility that I have never encountered in my student life. But I am so looking forward to it.
I held the position of marketing executive but I reckon that it is more of a Marcom Executive. Which is exactly what I love! I get to write press release to be published in women magazine!, liaise with the graphic designer and produce communication materials and prints, going to the sales floor and gather feedback, meet up with working partners to tie in events, set up atrium for direct sales! and may get to travel around attending events and seminar on behalf of the company. It sounds so challenging but I am sure I will have so much exposure and so much fun!
God is really so good. I told him that I am very picky about my first job, I want to do things that I love and not just take up any jobs that come along. Many people advised me that my first job will not be my dream job. They said that I will need time to find something which I will love. I guess it is their way of protecting me, cushioning me for the dissapointment that usually comes along with great expectation.
Even my own mother says that to me. Accussing me of being too idealistic, a dreamer in my own world. But I'm not affected by their words because I know I trust a faithful God. A God that will come and rescue me in the nick of time. Either too early or too late. I just need to trust Him. This is really God's appointed time. 11th April. A couple of days before my departure to Sydney, not too early and not too late. If it is any time earlier, the employer wont be able to wait for me or if it is any later, I wont be able to make it for the interview. At the nick of time.
The journey of my job search didnt come easy. I was led on a merry-go-round by my own desire. Upon several failures and dissapointment, I finally gave up my desire and choose to give in to God.
I was reminded by this verse by Shelley.
Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart
I guess that I have always been too preoccupied with the latter part of the verse which states that "He will give me the desire of my heart" that I overlook the first and the most important pre-requiste of it. That is to "DELIGHT myself in the Lord".
I believe that my giving up of my dream of being a cabin crew is the starting point of delighting myself with the Lord. Of course God doesn't despise any type of (legal) jobs. It is just that He knew that I am not ready for a flying position. He knows of my yearning to break away and be set free. He knows that I am impressionable and will be lead and tempted beyond me and God undestands that. He is trying to protect me by closing all the doors.
I vivdly remember a day when I simply sit down on my bed and cry before the Lord, I told Him that I will give up everything that is not of Him. My dreams and my hopes, my fears and my doubts. I gave up all of it. I am also reminded by Crystal who very wisely told me that: "If you hold something so tightly in your hands, your hands doesnt have rooms to receive more blessing from God. You need to let go to be able to receive. That moment is the turning point.
Mark8:35
For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it
This verse came to pass for me.
I tried to wrestle with the Lord with my dreams but in the end I lose much, but as I learn to give up wrestling, He blessed me back multiple-folds.
Throughout these few months of searching, standing in many cross-roads, I finally can see God's hand upon me ALL the time. Even when He is silent, He is also waiting with me. He wants me to look on hindsight and be able to testified His faithfulness in my life. He never fails.
Right now, I feel so blissful, so excited about what is to come. A new chapter is going to unfold. I am confident that the Author of my Life will weave yet another wonderful chapter, a new phase that I will have to walk through. I thank God that many friends whom I love have walked with me even when I have given up. I know that they will continue to walk on with me .
I hope that this will encourage those who are searching for something in their lives to know that there is a God that is looking at every steps you are walking. He hopes that you will allow Him to walk with you. Give God a chance. Give yourself a chance to make a brand new start with God.
I have found my first full time job! A real job which brings bread and butter back every month. Not forgeting many beauty products!!!! Nonetheless, there will be the added responsibility that I have never encountered in my student life. But I am so looking forward to it.
I held the position of marketing executive but I reckon that it is more of a Marcom Executive. Which is exactly what I love! I get to write press release to be published in women magazine!, liaise with the graphic designer and produce communication materials and prints, going to the sales floor and gather feedback, meet up with working partners to tie in events, set up atrium for direct sales! and may get to travel around attending events and seminar on behalf of the company. It sounds so challenging but I am sure I will have so much exposure and so much fun!
God is really so good. I told him that I am very picky about my first job, I want to do things that I love and not just take up any jobs that come along. Many people advised me that my first job will not be my dream job. They said that I will need time to find something which I will love. I guess it is their way of protecting me, cushioning me for the dissapointment that usually comes along with great expectation.
Even my own mother says that to me. Accussing me of being too idealistic, a dreamer in my own world. But I'm not affected by their words because I know I trust a faithful God. A God that will come and rescue me in the nick of time. Either too early or too late. I just need to trust Him. This is really God's appointed time. 11th April. A couple of days before my departure to Sydney, not too early and not too late. If it is any time earlier, the employer wont be able to wait for me or if it is any later, I wont be able to make it for the interview. At the nick of time.
The journey of my job search didnt come easy. I was led on a merry-go-round by my own desire. Upon several failures and dissapointment, I finally gave up my desire and choose to give in to God.
I was reminded by this verse by Shelley.
Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart
I guess that I have always been too preoccupied with the latter part of the verse which states that "He will give me the desire of my heart" that I overlook the first and the most important pre-requiste of it. That is to "DELIGHT myself in the Lord".
I believe that my giving up of my dream of being a cabin crew is the starting point of delighting myself with the Lord. Of course God doesn't despise any type of (legal) jobs. It is just that He knew that I am not ready for a flying position. He knows of my yearning to break away and be set free. He knows that I am impressionable and will be lead and tempted beyond me and God undestands that. He is trying to protect me by closing all the doors.
I vivdly remember a day when I simply sit down on my bed and cry before the Lord, I told Him that I will give up everything that is not of Him. My dreams and my hopes, my fears and my doubts. I gave up all of it. I am also reminded by Crystal who very wisely told me that: "If you hold something so tightly in your hands, your hands doesnt have rooms to receive more blessing from God. You need to let go to be able to receive. That moment is the turning point.
Mark8:35
For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it
This verse came to pass for me.
I tried to wrestle with the Lord with my dreams but in the end I lose much, but as I learn to give up wrestling, He blessed me back multiple-folds.
Throughout these few months of searching, standing in many cross-roads, I finally can see God's hand upon me ALL the time. Even when He is silent, He is also waiting with me. He wants me to look on hindsight and be able to testified His faithfulness in my life. He never fails.
Right now, I feel so blissful, so excited about what is to come. A new chapter is going to unfold. I am confident that the Author of my Life will weave yet another wonderful chapter, a new phase that I will have to walk through. I thank God that many friends whom I love have walked with me even when I have given up. I know that they will continue to walk on with me .
I hope that this will encourage those who are searching for something in their lives to know that there is a God that is looking at every steps you are walking. He hopes that you will allow Him to walk with you. Give God a chance. Give yourself a chance to make a brand new start with God.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
My best friend - Wendy
When is it that your friend becomes your best friend?
Can you remember the exact moment where the transition takes place? At that moment, you know that this particular person will be the one that you will laugh and cry with for the rest of your life. They have become an invisible shoulder that you can lend on even when they are not physically there?
Can you recall that defining moment?
I was transported back to that moment when I was talking to Wendy the other day on MSN. The conversation started simply as an invitation for her to go hiking with me to MacRitchie Reservoir’s HSBC Treetop trail this coming Friday. But then it became a time of reminiscing of how our friendship started.
Back in JC 1, I wasn’t close to Wendy even though we took the same subjects. In fact, I find her a bit of a social butterfly going from group to group. (This is something which she still hold grudges against me for calling her that) I find her ‘girl school style’ rather hard for me to accept since I was from a neighborhood school. But the turning point came when we both sigh up to go to the OBS Camp during the school holidays. At that time, none of the friends from my clique were there and she wasn’t really on talking terms with one of her good friend who went at the camp. So we were like both lost girl seeking solace in each other’s company. (Like we have a choice right?)
On the 3rd day, we were asked to canoe to the extreme end of the island and hike our way back to base camp. That doesn’t sound too hard right? But try imaging that you were canoeing for half the day under the scorching sun that burns your skin, stung by jellyfish along the way and being thrown into some weird places with just a map to navigate our way back. That’s not all. We were both carrying this SUPER heavy haversack that weighs more than ourselves with 2 jelly cans. I really believe that if it were heavier by 1 gram, I would have fallen backwards. That is the maximum threshold weight I can ever carry.
So both of us were grumpy (I was grumpier), tired and frustrated while trying to decipher the map. Even though both of us were geography students, we just couldn’t understand what those lines are trying to tell us as they are blurred into a big mass of irrelevant lines like children drawing right before our eyes. I was on the verge of crying due to the desperation.
But what really makes me so miserable is the darn heavy bag on my shoulders. I couldn’t even walk ten steps without stopping. Wendy was so patient with me and waited for me the whole time with the same amount of junk on her back. She then did the greatest thing anyone can do for me at that point. She picked up my gigantic haversack and slung it across her front and encourages me to move on.
At this point of time, I must really EMPHASIZE the weight of the haversack. It is really almost equivalent to the weight of carrying another person. So she had 1 haversack behind her and 1 in front of her. Try to picture that scene. I was just carrying both the water can. Haha. I am almost too ashamed to say that.
I don’t know if I am really naïve or being in denial. I actually believe her when she told me that she don’t find the bag heavy at all! There wasn’t even tell-tales sign from her face that shows that the bag was actually killing her. She kept assuring me that it is really not heavy. I thought that she was really speaking the truth and think that I must be really very weak. (But she is a black belt so it is not hard to believe her) Haha.. So I let her carry my load.
It was only the other day when we were talking that she confessed that the bags were really darn heavy. She was on the verge of a breakdown as well. Haha… She has waited 6 years to tell me that.
That was really the defining moment of our friendship.
I saw something in her that I never see in anyone else before. She always thinks of others before herself. That is what I love about her.
Well, I think the reasons why I want to blog about this is because I wanted to remind myself of the that moment I have 6 years ago, remind Wendy that she is still a great person, a great friend to me at this point of time, when she has doubts about who she is becoming.
But most importantly, I think that it is about giving people a second chance to prove themselves. We should not discount them base on our feelings of them as feelings are usually a distortion of reality. If I wasn’t given a chance to get to know Wendy through the camp, our friendship will not even be what it is today.
God is a God of 2nd chance and He never discounts us because of something we did wrongly. He simply look past that mistake and start a clean slate for each of us. That’s the beauty of my God. I thank God I have a 2nd chance with Wendy.
Give someone that chance today.
P.S: I hope Antz won’t read this entry. You know what I’m thinking right Wendy?
Can you remember the exact moment where the transition takes place? At that moment, you know that this particular person will be the one that you will laugh and cry with for the rest of your life. They have become an invisible shoulder that you can lend on even when they are not physically there?
Can you recall that defining moment?
I was transported back to that moment when I was talking to Wendy the other day on MSN. The conversation started simply as an invitation for her to go hiking with me to MacRitchie Reservoir’s HSBC Treetop trail this coming Friday. But then it became a time of reminiscing of how our friendship started.
Back in JC 1, I wasn’t close to Wendy even though we took the same subjects. In fact, I find her a bit of a social butterfly going from group to group. (This is something which she still hold grudges against me for calling her that) I find her ‘girl school style’ rather hard for me to accept since I was from a neighborhood school. But the turning point came when we both sigh up to go to the OBS Camp during the school holidays. At that time, none of the friends from my clique were there and she wasn’t really on talking terms with one of her good friend who went at the camp. So we were like both lost girl seeking solace in each other’s company. (Like we have a choice right?)
On the 3rd day, we were asked to canoe to the extreme end of the island and hike our way back to base camp. That doesn’t sound too hard right? But try imaging that you were canoeing for half the day under the scorching sun that burns your skin, stung by jellyfish along the way and being thrown into some weird places with just a map to navigate our way back. That’s not all. We were both carrying this SUPER heavy haversack that weighs more than ourselves with 2 jelly cans. I really believe that if it were heavier by 1 gram, I would have fallen backwards. That is the maximum threshold weight I can ever carry.
So both of us were grumpy (I was grumpier), tired and frustrated while trying to decipher the map. Even though both of us were geography students, we just couldn’t understand what those lines are trying to tell us as they are blurred into a big mass of irrelevant lines like children drawing right before our eyes. I was on the verge of crying due to the desperation.
But what really makes me so miserable is the darn heavy bag on my shoulders. I couldn’t even walk ten steps without stopping. Wendy was so patient with me and waited for me the whole time with the same amount of junk on her back. She then did the greatest thing anyone can do for me at that point. She picked up my gigantic haversack and slung it across her front and encourages me to move on.
At this point of time, I must really EMPHASIZE the weight of the haversack. It is really almost equivalent to the weight of carrying another person. So she had 1 haversack behind her and 1 in front of her. Try to picture that scene. I was just carrying both the water can. Haha. I am almost too ashamed to say that.
I don’t know if I am really naïve or being in denial. I actually believe her when she told me that she don’t find the bag heavy at all! There wasn’t even tell-tales sign from her face that shows that the bag was actually killing her. She kept assuring me that it is really not heavy. I thought that she was really speaking the truth and think that I must be really very weak. (But she is a black belt so it is not hard to believe her) Haha.. So I let her carry my load.
It was only the other day when we were talking that she confessed that the bags were really darn heavy. She was on the verge of a breakdown as well. Haha… She has waited 6 years to tell me that.
That was really the defining moment of our friendship.
I saw something in her that I never see in anyone else before. She always thinks of others before herself. That is what I love about her.
Well, I think the reasons why I want to blog about this is because I wanted to remind myself of the that moment I have 6 years ago, remind Wendy that she is still a great person, a great friend to me at this point of time, when she has doubts about who she is becoming.
But most importantly, I think that it is about giving people a second chance to prove themselves. We should not discount them base on our feelings of them as feelings are usually a distortion of reality. If I wasn’t given a chance to get to know Wendy through the camp, our friendship will not even be what it is today.
God is a God of 2nd chance and He never discounts us because of something we did wrongly. He simply look past that mistake and start a clean slate for each of us. That’s the beauty of my God. I thank God I have a 2nd chance with Wendy.
Give someone that chance today.
P.S: I hope Antz won’t read this entry. You know what I’m thinking right Wendy?
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
perfectionist streak
Question: What is the worst job for a perfectionist?
Answer: Typist (using typewriter)
Just the other day, someone asked me to help her prepare some document to be fed-ex out. She asked if i know why to use a typewriter and I was like (duh). So she gave me a blank template and asked me to type according to the default one. Knowing myself well (a pefectionist) and playing it safe (being cautious), I went to photocopy a few more copies (8 to be exact) of the blank template because I am sure there bound to be mistakes. Haha... I think I must have underestimate myself.
I took almost 50minutes to get the document ready. I could use 5 minutes to type it in Microsoft Word. And you know what, I used up 18 blank templates before I am satisfied with my work. I was mentally exhauted after that. Haha.. That was really hard work (for me).
I don't know why I am so fussy with the way I do things. I always believe that everyone should put in 110% of themselves in what they are doing. Maybe because I cannot tolerate people doing their work in a sloppy manner, I will not allow myself to committe such acts. And I guess because of that, I tend to push myself harder. It may be doing a big project or just typing a simple letter.
But anyway, I think that the lady notice how long I took to complete the letter and the amount of waste paper in my bin, she never asked me to type any letters for her anymore. Phew... Great relief. Haha...
So moral of the story...
Never ever ask a perfectionist to type any letters using a typewriter.
Answer: Typist (using typewriter)
Just the other day, someone asked me to help her prepare some document to be fed-ex out. She asked if i know why to use a typewriter and I was like (duh). So she gave me a blank template and asked me to type according to the default one. Knowing myself well (a pefectionist) and playing it safe (being cautious), I went to photocopy a few more copies (8 to be exact) of the blank template because I am sure there bound to be mistakes. Haha... I think I must have underestimate myself.
I took almost 50minutes to get the document ready. I could use 5 minutes to type it in Microsoft Word. And you know what, I used up 18 blank templates before I am satisfied with my work. I was mentally exhauted after that. Haha.. That was really hard work (for me).
I don't know why I am so fussy with the way I do things. I always believe that everyone should put in 110% of themselves in what they are doing. Maybe because I cannot tolerate people doing their work in a sloppy manner, I will not allow myself to committe such acts. And I guess because of that, I tend to push myself harder. It may be doing a big project or just typing a simple letter.
But anyway, I think that the lady notice how long I took to complete the letter and the amount of waste paper in my bin, she never asked me to type any letters for her anymore. Phew... Great relief. Haha...
So moral of the story...
Never ever ask a perfectionist to type any letters using a typewriter.
Friday, March 23, 2007
for wendy and amber
A poem for a dearest friend
Who is standing on the fence
Looking right and looking left
Plunging into her own death
Tossed about in the strongest wind
She has forgotten who she is
Drowning her sorrow with toxin
Someone please redeem her from this
Who is standing on the fence
Looking right and looking left
Plunging into her own death
Tossed about in the strongest wind
She has forgotten who she is
Drowning her sorrow with toxin
Someone please redeem her from this
Thursday, March 22, 2007
long long ardous bus ride
I felt like I have embarked on a road to eternity when I stepped out of my office heading to church. In total, I have spent close to 2 hours commuting from Loyang to Marine Parade. I could have reached JB with that time! How thick can it get?
The rain has caused the traffic to be slow moving. The speed of my bus cease to a slow crawl. It made me developed motion sickness throughout the journey. My stomach was threating to regurgitate every bit of my lunch. Yikes! Its really sickening. This is definitely one bus ride that I don't enjoy.
Today was really challenging for me physically. My body kept screaming for me to go back home and sleep but I dragged my foot to choir rehearsal. Say in normal circumstance, I won't consume coffee but today is really abnormal. I had 2.
TGIF tomorrow.
Sunday going Natas Fair with Linda!!! Guess where are we going for holiday? Haha... I'm sure all those that know me don't even have to guess. The country that scream: "Where the Bloody hell are you"? or the more mellow/censored version of "So, Where are you"? The secret is out in the open! =)
Well... actually I don't really like to blog about the coming and goings of my daily life but then I guess the bus ride really eeks me so much that I have to pour it out. Haha... Wanna get it out of my system.
Sleep is creeping up my back, I guess its good night then..
Night world.
The rain has caused the traffic to be slow moving. The speed of my bus cease to a slow crawl. It made me developed motion sickness throughout the journey. My stomach was threating to regurgitate every bit of my lunch. Yikes! Its really sickening. This is definitely one bus ride that I don't enjoy.
Today was really challenging for me physically. My body kept screaming for me to go back home and sleep but I dragged my foot to choir rehearsal. Say in normal circumstance, I won't consume coffee but today is really abnormal. I had 2.
TGIF tomorrow.
Sunday going Natas Fair with Linda!!! Guess where are we going for holiday? Haha... I'm sure all those that know me don't even have to guess. The country that scream: "Where the Bloody hell are you"? or the more mellow/censored version of "So, Where are you"? The secret is out in the open! =)
Well... actually I don't really like to blog about the coming and goings of my daily life but then I guess the bus ride really eeks me so much that I have to pour it out. Haha... Wanna get it out of my system.
Sleep is creeping up my back, I guess its good night then..
Night world.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
the kingdom of heaven
Troy, Arc of Joan, Kingdom of Heaven, Lord of the Ring and 300.
They are the genre of movies that I love. Ancient history/civilisation and ancient battle. The movies that speak of the glory days of the Roman and the Greek empire where they conquere the rest of the world..
They intrigues me beyond my understanding. Being the sort of girl who dislike watching gory film, I cannot understand what makes me love such films.
Definately not brad pitt in his non-existence waist clothes in Troy or Gerard Butler with his six packs in 300. Well not really anyway. haha..
But they have something that captivate me in that cinema seat. Something that makes me held my breathe. Something that makes my heart beat faster. (its really not brad pitt! believe me) I thought that maybe I'm a saddist that enjoy watching people slaughtering others, blood being spilled, heads detaching from their bodies.
But no, because speaking of all that really grossed me out already.
So I don't think I am a saddist.
Its something else.
Then it dawn on me...
Its about the men fighting for a cause that they believed in. Fighting for their freedom, to protect their love ones, and for the land that they call home. And thus creating history with their stories.
But there is always this leader, this one man. The bravery of this one man that lead his people into battleground. The man that instill courage and strength into his people. This man that urge others to never retreat or surrender. The one that roars the loudest so that other could find their strength to do the same. The one that stands in the frontier of the battleline.
And I saw this one man in someone I know.
The one that says: "If i perish, I perish".
And i know why I love those movies. Because something inside me that is so primeval yearn to be in a battle with him. A battle not of flesh and blood.
Without a battle, there will not be Victory!
And I know I was born for Victory!
They are the genre of movies that I love. Ancient history/civilisation and ancient battle. The movies that speak of the glory days of the Roman and the Greek empire where they conquere the rest of the world..
They intrigues me beyond my understanding. Being the sort of girl who dislike watching gory film, I cannot understand what makes me love such films.
Definately not brad pitt in his non-existence waist clothes in Troy or Gerard Butler with his six packs in 300. Well not really anyway. haha..
But they have something that captivate me in that cinema seat. Something that makes me held my breathe. Something that makes my heart beat faster. (its really not brad pitt! believe me) I thought that maybe I'm a saddist that enjoy watching people slaughtering others, blood being spilled, heads detaching from their bodies.
But no, because speaking of all that really grossed me out already.
So I don't think I am a saddist.
Its something else.
Then it dawn on me...
Its about the men fighting for a cause that they believed in. Fighting for their freedom, to protect their love ones, and for the land that they call home. And thus creating history with their stories.
But there is always this leader, this one man. The bravery of this one man that lead his people into battleground. The man that instill courage and strength into his people. This man that urge others to never retreat or surrender. The one that roars the loudest so that other could find their strength to do the same. The one that stands in the frontier of the battleline.
And I saw this one man in someone I know.
The one that says: "If i perish, I perish".
And i know why I love those movies. Because something inside me that is so primeval yearn to be in a battle with him. A battle not of flesh and blood.
Without a battle, there will not be Victory!
And I know I was born for Victory!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
back at one
Its really funny when u think that you have walked away from your heartache and disappointment only to find yourselves confronting the very same thing once again. You dont know whether to laugh or to cry. Literally. You tell yourself you have let that go and ready to put it aside only to find yourself back at the original starting point. Back at square one.
You wonder if this is yet another test you have to pass or is this the real thing this time? What if it is something that God has put in front of me once again and take it away once again? I never know. But i am still going to find out.
I am back at where I was. Will thing turn out differently this time? How many times do I have to go through it before I finally pass the test that He set for me?
Have mercy on me, I cried.
You wonder if this is yet another test you have to pass or is this the real thing this time? What if it is something that God has put in front of me once again and take it away once again? I never know. But i am still going to find out.
I am back at where I was. Will thing turn out differently this time? How many times do I have to go through it before I finally pass the test that He set for me?
Have mercy on me, I cried.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
goodbye my lover
Pen in my hand, staring at empty space.
Trying to put all that is up there into a page.
A writer without a muse.
Impatient into frustration and finally into desperation.
Late at night, you told me you couldn't sleep.
I have hurt you beyond your wildest dream.
But don't you understand.
I am just too far from where you are.
Hoping to make your pain go away.
So I stay away.
For the first and the final time I say this to you instead.
I'm gonna let you go.
αντίο
Trying to put all that is up there into a page.
A writer without a muse.
Impatient into frustration and finally into desperation.
Late at night, you told me you couldn't sleep.
I have hurt you beyond your wildest dream.
But don't you understand.
I am just too far from where you are.
Hoping to make your pain go away.
So I stay away.
For the first and the final time I say this to you instead.
I'm gonna let you go.
αντίο
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Yes I do
I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders.
They pushed me down further and further.
I feel the pain, tears sting my eyes.
I am carrying more than what I can bear.
You then said to me: "Rest on my love, and cast all of my cares on you".
I walked on because I know only I can carry my cross.
Only I can to do this on my own, walk this stony path alone.
Broken into a trillion pieces, thrown all over the place.
Never to be One again.
You then said to me: "I had already walked down that thorny road while carrying that cross for you".
You make everything sound so easy.
Like all my brokeness and pain will just go away.
I wanted to hand you that baggage that I clinged so tightly on.
But I so afraid to let it go.
You then said to me: "Trust in my unfailing love for you".
There are so many questions with so little answer.
I want to know why must I carry this load.
Please tell me how far must I go till I know why.
Why must I wander down this road.
And you asked me: "Do you trust me? Do you trust me? Do you trust me?"
I do, I do, I do
They pushed me down further and further.
I feel the pain, tears sting my eyes.
I am carrying more than what I can bear.
You then said to me: "Rest on my love, and cast all of my cares on you".
I walked on because I know only I can carry my cross.
Only I can to do this on my own, walk this stony path alone.
Broken into a trillion pieces, thrown all over the place.
Never to be One again.
You then said to me: "I had already walked down that thorny road while carrying that cross for you".
You make everything sound so easy.
Like all my brokeness and pain will just go away.
I wanted to hand you that baggage that I clinged so tightly on.
But I so afraid to let it go.
You then said to me: "Trust in my unfailing love for you".
There are so many questions with so little answer.
I want to know why must I carry this load.
Please tell me how far must I go till I know why.
Why must I wander down this road.
And you asked me: "Do you trust me? Do you trust me? Do you trust me?"
I do, I do, I do
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Breaking free
Many times, we do things out of obligations, live to fulfill unspoken definition that govern our life. We stuck by them because we have to not because we wanted to. And we are restricted in the way we want to live our life.
Then when can we do things that truely pleases us?
Wisemen love to give advise thinking that they know it all, live it all. But they never asked if we needed them in the first place. They have forgotten that it is through the trials and errors that they have been through that truely defines who they are.
If you never try, we'll never know. And if you never try, you never really live.
Maybe we know the dangers of what lurk ahead and know that we might even get ourselves hurt. But isn't that the most exciting part?
I'm tired of living my life with people telling me what I should do, what I shouldn't.
"You should get a job soon"
"Maybe this isn't the will of God"
"With your result, it is a waste that you don't want to apply for university"
"You shouldn't travel alone because it is dangerous for a girl to do that"
"This job might affect your ministry in church so it is better to find something else that won't"
yadayadayada....
Don't they think I don't know all that? Why is it that when I want to do something radical, I have to seek their advise? Because they know better?
Their opinions and their voices became louder and louder and I become smaller and smaller. I cease to become who I am, while trying to please them.
I hate responsibilities, commitment, have a deep hatre for doing things that I don't have a passion for. I always thought that the rules in life don't apply to me.
I don't need another advise to tell me that whatI should do. I know what I should do. But I just choose not to do it. I know it is wrong to say this, wrong to do this. But why can't I be wrong for once? Why do I always always have to do what is right?
I am tired of doing what is expected of me. What I expect of myself.
I want to do something which is out of the ordinary for once.
To live for myself, for once.
Break Away - Kelly Clarkson
Grew up in a small town,
And when the rain would fall down,
I'd just stare out my window.
Dreaming of what could be,
And if I'd end up happy,
I would pray.
Trying hard to reach out,
But when I tried to speak out,
Felt like no-one could hear me.
Wanted to belong here,
But something felt so wrong here.
So I'd pray,
I could break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Wanna feel the warm breeze,
Sleep under a palm tree,
Feel the rush of the ocean,
Get onboard a fast train,
Travel on a jetplane,
Faraway, and break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Buildings with a 100 floors,
Swinging around revolving doors,
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me.
But I gotta keep moving on moving on,
Fly away, break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
Though its not easy to tell you goodbye.
Gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget the place I come from.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Break away, break away
Then when can we do things that truely pleases us?
Wisemen love to give advise thinking that they know it all, live it all. But they never asked if we needed them in the first place. They have forgotten that it is through the trials and errors that they have been through that truely defines who they are.
If you never try, we'll never know. And if you never try, you never really live.
Maybe we know the dangers of what lurk ahead and know that we might even get ourselves hurt. But isn't that the most exciting part?
I'm tired of living my life with people telling me what I should do, what I shouldn't.
"You should get a job soon"
"Maybe this isn't the will of God"
"With your result, it is a waste that you don't want to apply for university"
"You shouldn't travel alone because it is dangerous for a girl to do that"
"This job might affect your ministry in church so it is better to find something else that won't"
yadayadayada....
Don't they think I don't know all that? Why is it that when I want to do something radical, I have to seek their advise? Because they know better?
Their opinions and their voices became louder and louder and I become smaller and smaller. I cease to become who I am, while trying to please them.
I hate responsibilities, commitment, have a deep hatre for doing things that I don't have a passion for. I always thought that the rules in life don't apply to me.
I don't need another advise to tell me that whatI should do. I know what I should do. But I just choose not to do it. I know it is wrong to say this, wrong to do this. But why can't I be wrong for once? Why do I always always have to do what is right?
I am tired of doing what is expected of me. What I expect of myself.
I want to do something which is out of the ordinary for once.
To live for myself, for once.
Break Away - Kelly Clarkson
Grew up in a small town,
And when the rain would fall down,
I'd just stare out my window.
Dreaming of what could be,
And if I'd end up happy,
I would pray.
Trying hard to reach out,
But when I tried to speak out,
Felt like no-one could hear me.
Wanted to belong here,
But something felt so wrong here.
So I'd pray,
I could break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Wanna feel the warm breeze,
Sleep under a palm tree,
Feel the rush of the ocean,
Get onboard a fast train,
Travel on a jetplane,
Faraway, and break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Buildings with a 100 floors,
Swinging around revolving doors,
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me.
But I gotta keep moving on moving on,
Fly away, break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
Though its not easy to tell you goodbye.
Gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget the place I come from.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Break away, break away
Friday, March 02, 2007
eye of the storm
Like all thunderstorms, the precipitation will eventually cease and the strong gust of wind will stop blowing. And if you observe carefully, you might even see the rainbow that comes after that.
Common sense tells us that the rain will stop and the sun will come out exhibiting its manificent glory.
But it didn't tell us how long the rain will last.
Similarly like the storm of our life, we know that we will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel but we don't know when.
Fear crippled us when we are standing in pitch darkness. Our cries hit empty walls echoing our loneliness. Our vision is impaired by the total darkness that surround our heart and envelope our soul.
And like King David, we cried out "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me"? -quote psalm 42:5
My life is now in the presence of a major thunderstorm, wondering when will it go away. But God says "Put your hope in God, for I will YET praise Him, my saviour and my God".
And suddenly I find myself in the eye of the storm.
Safe in the arm of my Savior.
Common sense tells us that the rain will stop and the sun will come out exhibiting its manificent glory.
But it didn't tell us how long the rain will last.
Similarly like the storm of our life, we know that we will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel but we don't know when.
Fear crippled us when we are standing in pitch darkness. Our cries hit empty walls echoing our loneliness. Our vision is impaired by the total darkness that surround our heart and envelope our soul.
And like King David, we cried out "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me"? -quote psalm 42:5
My life is now in the presence of a major thunderstorm, wondering when will it go away. But God says "Put your hope in God, for I will YET praise Him, my saviour and my God".
And suddenly I find myself in the eye of the storm.
Safe in the arm of my Savior.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Be still and know that He is God
Waiting for the letter is like waiting for the rain to come in the middle of the drought.
Slow, painful and seemingly impossible.
I have been pacing around my letterbox for days and the letter has yet to arrive. The postman comes and go but without the envelope that addressed my name. Excruciating torment torture me days and nights.
But I put my trust in God. The One that specializes in the impossibles. The God that is above all things. I put my hope in God. The One that says to me that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me".
Be Still and knows that He is God.
Slow, painful and seemingly impossible.
I have been pacing around my letterbox for days and the letter has yet to arrive. The postman comes and go but without the envelope that addressed my name. Excruciating torment torture me days and nights.
But I put my trust in God. The One that specializes in the impossibles. The God that is above all things. I put my hope in God. The One that says to me that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me".
Be Still and knows that He is God.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Crossroad
After all the festive feasting, visitation and late night majong sessions, my body finally surrender defeat. My immune system was attacked and I am officially down with the flu virus. It has actually been awhile since I was down with serious flu. This time it hits really hard and I have to stay at home, rest in my bed.
Darn...
Anyway, last night was really fun BBQing at Mark's place. The choir friends from church all gather together to have fun, sing worship songs and stuffing our face silly with food! It was great, especially the singing part! Haven't had that in a long time.
I'll probably will have more time for fun since I have now (un)officially graduated from TP. I have no intention to further my studies in the university and no intention to start looking for a job yet (almost true) so that leaves me with so much time on hand.
What should I do?
I really hate standing in the crossroad wondering where to go next. It bothers me so much that it can give me sleepless night (almost true too) Well... not really sleepless as it take much for me to have insomia but bad enough to give me nightmares. Maybe I am someone who really need to have control over things. So it kinda scares me when I don't know what is the next step for me. But doesn't everyone feels that too?
I remembered watching a show call "CrossRoad" by Britney Spears. Haha.. Ok I admit that I rather fancy her in the past. But that was in the past, so no more raking up the closets. She is really diving headstrong towards a mental breakdown right now. Poor her. Anyway, ya coming back to the movie, it also shows 3 girls standing at the crossroad of their life. And it work out perfectly. I believe that mine will too. Even though it is just a movie.
If you don't know by now. I always believe in the movies because they allow me to be in denial. haha
Anyway, my cough now seems to have worsen. I better go else I'll splatter my monitor with my germs.
Darn...
Anyway, last night was really fun BBQing at Mark's place. The choir friends from church all gather together to have fun, sing worship songs and stuffing our face silly with food! It was great, especially the singing part! Haven't had that in a long time.
I'll probably will have more time for fun since I have now (un)officially graduated from TP. I have no intention to further my studies in the university and no intention to start looking for a job yet (almost true) so that leaves me with so much time on hand.
What should I do?
I really hate standing in the crossroad wondering where to go next. It bothers me so much that it can give me sleepless night (almost true too) Well... not really sleepless as it take much for me to have insomia but bad enough to give me nightmares. Maybe I am someone who really need to have control over things. So it kinda scares me when I don't know what is the next step for me. But doesn't everyone feels that too?
I remembered watching a show call "CrossRoad" by Britney Spears. Haha.. Ok I admit that I rather fancy her in the past. But that was in the past, so no more raking up the closets. She is really diving headstrong towards a mental breakdown right now. Poor her. Anyway, ya coming back to the movie, it also shows 3 girls standing at the crossroad of their life. And it work out perfectly. I believe that mine will too. Even though it is just a movie.
If you don't know by now. I always believe in the movies because they allow me to be in denial. haha
Anyway, my cough now seems to have worsen. I better go else I'll splatter my monitor with my germs.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Flower power
My Valentines' Day Flowers!I recieved these flowers for my Valentines Day. Technically speaking, I only received it on the following day due to the overwhelming delievery that the florist have to cope with.
I was happy nonetheless.
The sender of the flowers came as a big surprise to me because he lives an 8 hours flight away in Melbourne. How we meet was even more amazing. We met about a year ago when he was transiting flight in Changi Airport and I happen to be working there. We chat once in a while and this friendship was on and off-ish. But to think that I receieved flowers from him, well, 'I didn't see that coming'.
I am never a big fan of flowers but then I must admit that my stomach did a couple of somersauts when I received it. And probably more than that. haha.. I think women is really not after the flowers. Afterall they are just some dead plants bundled together delicately (no offence). But it is the feeling of receiving something pretty. Knowing that someone is thinking about them. It is all about the attention.
Haha..
Anyway, dad is back! He is busy in the kitchen doing his thing. Whenever he is home, the house will be filled with aroma coming the kitchen. That is how a home should be. Without him around, I can hardly find anything edible in the fridge, sometimes not even instant noodle in the cardboard!
Anyway, I had crabs for breakfast! He steams it for me the moment I wake up! Pippin' hot when I put the sweet white meat into my mouth. That's the perks of having him around! =)
Well, today is the eve of the lunar chinese new year. Let the feasting begins.
Have fun everyone!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Valentines Day
Love is a funny thing isn't it. It comes when you least expected it. Maybe Cupid plays a trick on Valentines Day. To the cynic of love.
This stone cold heart felt an aching pain. Like it was falling into love, involuntary. Butterflies were fluttering in the stomach, lips were parched dry.
The mind tries to hold back, but this time the heart won. It finally gave in after the long tug of war.
He said: "Don't back fight the feeling, just let it go".
Just for that few moments, it finally let go. Cupid has struck his arrows.
For just that few moments, its gonna hurt for awhile. But in the name of love, I guess it is all worthwhile.
All seems surreal, like being taken on a magic carpet ride. There were just the two of them, a world new world just before them. But like shooting stars, it lasted only for awhile.
A song came to mind: Can't fight the moonlight - LeAnn Rimes
Under a lovers' sky gonna be with you and no one's gonna be around
if you think that you won't fall well just wait until til the sun goes down
underneath the starlight - starlight there's a magical feeling - so right
it'll steal your heart tonight
you can try to resist try to hide from my kiss
but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight
no, you can't fight it it's gonna get to your heart
there's no escape from love was a gentle breeze weaves it's spell upon your heart
no matter what you think it won't be too long til your in my arms
underneath the starlight - starlight we'll be lost in the rhythm -
so right feel it steal your heart tonight
you can try to resist try to hide from my kiss
but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight
deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight
no, you can't fight it, it's gonna get to your heart.
This stone cold heart felt an aching pain. Like it was falling into love, involuntary. Butterflies were fluttering in the stomach, lips were parched dry.
The mind tries to hold back, but this time the heart won. It finally gave in after the long tug of war.
He said: "Don't back fight the feeling, just let it go".
Just for that few moments, it finally let go. Cupid has struck his arrows.
For just that few moments, its gonna hurt for awhile. But in the name of love, I guess it is all worthwhile.
All seems surreal, like being taken on a magic carpet ride. There were just the two of them, a world new world just before them. But like shooting stars, it lasted only for awhile.
A song came to mind: Can't fight the moonlight - LeAnn Rimes
Under a lovers' sky gonna be with you and no one's gonna be around
if you think that you won't fall well just wait until til the sun goes down
underneath the starlight - starlight there's a magical feeling - so right
it'll steal your heart tonight
you can try to resist try to hide from my kiss
but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight
no, you can't fight it it's gonna get to your heart
there's no escape from love was a gentle breeze weaves it's spell upon your heart
no matter what you think it won't be too long til your in my arms
underneath the starlight - starlight we'll be lost in the rhythm -
so right feel it steal your heart tonight
you can try to resist try to hide from my kiss
but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight
deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight
no, you can't fight it, it's gonna get to your heart.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Tulip Tulip
Feeling kinda emotional right now with a thousand things flashing across my mind but none choose to stay. There were like fleeting thoughts taking flight prematurely. Just when I thought I've found the right word to describe how I feel but then the feeling is gone and a new one took over.
Ever felt the same before?
Like maybe webster haven't found a word to describe that state of emotion. You know that it is either black or white. So it must be something in between. Just how to describe the in-betweens? You felt that the word is just at the tip of your tongue but it just refuses to come out.
Alright, maybe I'm not making much sense? I always don't. do I?
Anyway, on a lighter note, I discover my favourite flower today. In the past, people always asked me what is my favourite flowers and I will say flowers that are not dead yet. There were even this time when I tell my JC classmates that I like 'baby breath' and they must be thinking "is it counted as flowers"? Well anyway, they got me a bunch of 'baby breath" for my birthday. Haha.. I'll never forget that. Well.. actually "baby breath" is a type of fillers, not flowers. (Fillers as in those that compliments the flowers and 'fills' up a bouquet) It was funny. They tried! =)
*I hope juli is reading this!!*
Ok coming back, my favourite flower is TULIP. And of course those that are not dead yet, meaning still rooted to the ground. Its such a nice feeling seeing a sea of Tulip! How can anyone not like them?
Their petals are all close up as if hiding something underneath. They look so dedicate yet strong. Stretching all out to reach they sun. They look so elegant. Oh, and by the way, tulip means Perfect Love.
How Sweet.
What a timing entry for the Valentines Day! =)
Happy Valentines Day in advance to all the love birds out there. And to my friends whom I love and love me!Check this out:
Images taken from getty images
Friday, February 09, 2007
Aramsa
Today is a day of pure indulgence...
Think Spa. Got the idea?
Kudos to Aramsa Spa. It was an award wining spa in Singapore Tourism 2006 award for "Best Garden Spa". Well.. it is an understatement actually.
Nestled in the green canopies of Bishan park. Like an oyster that hides the pearl, its unsuspecting exterior conceal that what lies behind its door.
Walking into the entrance makes me feel like I have walk right through an episode of Samantha Brown's travel and living program. This time I am really not kidding.
Miniature ponds, waterfall, pebble-cobbled walkway, individual treatment rooms, vichy shower! (yes, I'm not kiding). Everything was in place. I bet Samantha Brown wishes to be in my shoe (for once not the other way round!!!)
I chose their signatured 'Aramsa Touch Massage' which work on my tired and aching body. I felt 'brand new' after the 1 hour treatment.
To my surprise, the lady told me I could use their spa facilities which include the steambath! Of course I would not miss such good opportunities! Hehe.. Their showers room make use of the open outdoor concept and is incorporated with vichy shower-head. (yeah i really got a thing with shower-head) Haha..
I'm pampered from my head to my sole. And into my soul.
Well.. the thing is when I walked out of the Spa, I felt really good. Like happy. Its weird because I didn't know that the place will have such a hugh impact on me. I felt my body releasing surge of that positive emotion throughout the day. I know I sound really superficial right now, (gosh, and it sounded stupid) but I'm not kidding! Haha.. So they say "money can't buy happiness" Maybe they haven't been to a spa.
Speaking of all these, I must of course thank one person because without her, there is no such privillege...
*Drumroll please*
All these have been courtesy of Shelley! The best person in the world to me! And no, not only because of the spa treat. But because of every other things.
disclaimer: for your records, Aramsa Spa did not pay me any royalities for promoting for them. All on my own because they have truely *wow* me. =)
Think Spa. Got the idea?
Kudos to Aramsa Spa. It was an award wining spa in Singapore Tourism 2006 award for "Best Garden Spa". Well.. it is an understatement actually.
Nestled in the green canopies of Bishan park. Like an oyster that hides the pearl, its unsuspecting exterior conceal that what lies behind its door.
Walking into the entrance makes me feel like I have walk right through an episode of Samantha Brown's travel and living program. This time I am really not kidding.
Miniature ponds, waterfall, pebble-cobbled walkway, individual treatment rooms, vichy shower! (yes, I'm not kiding). Everything was in place. I bet Samantha Brown wishes to be in my shoe (for once not the other way round!!!)
I chose their signatured 'Aramsa Touch Massage' which work on my tired and aching body. I felt 'brand new' after the 1 hour treatment.
To my surprise, the lady told me I could use their spa facilities which include the steambath! Of course I would not miss such good opportunities! Hehe.. Their showers room make use of the open outdoor concept and is incorporated with vichy shower-head. (yeah i really got a thing with shower-head) Haha..
I'm pampered from my head to my sole. And into my soul.
Well.. the thing is when I walked out of the Spa, I felt really good. Like happy. Its weird because I didn't know that the place will have such a hugh impact on me. I felt my body releasing surge of that positive emotion throughout the day. I know I sound really superficial right now, (gosh, and it sounded stupid) but I'm not kidding! Haha.. So they say "money can't buy happiness" Maybe they haven't been to a spa.
Speaking of all these, I must of course thank one person because without her, there is no such privillege...
*Drumroll please*
All these have been courtesy of Shelley! The best person in the world to me! And no, not only because of the spa treat. But because of every other things.
disclaimer: for your records, Aramsa Spa did not pay me any royalities for promoting for them. All on my own because they have truely *wow* me. =)
Thursday, February 08, 2007
unique?
Spice girls once croon: "Too much of something is bad enough". I'm final understand their sentiment.
I've been searching the web the entire day for my project on the branding of "uniquely singapore". I think I really had enough of this. I can't seems to find anything I want online. Its always the positive stuff, horses riding into sunset horizon and happily ever after stories. I am sure there are some areas of Singapore that is not what we claimed to be. Right? Look, I'm not saying that we have failed to live up to our branding. However, I'm sure there is always a "but" in everthing. I can't find that "but". It is like finding a needle in a sack of hay. Only this time I not even sure someone puts the needle inside.
Frustrated. Anxious. Cranky.
My eyes are failing me after reading through all the articles. All the words seems to be dancing before my eyes and is starting to make no sense to me anymore.
Murder me, she wrote.
I've been searching the web the entire day for my project on the branding of "uniquely singapore". I think I really had enough of this. I can't seems to find anything I want online. Its always the positive stuff, horses riding into sunset horizon and happily ever after stories. I am sure there are some areas of Singapore that is not what we claimed to be. Right? Look, I'm not saying that we have failed to live up to our branding. However, I'm sure there is always a "but" in everthing. I can't find that "but". It is like finding a needle in a sack of hay. Only this time I not even sure someone puts the needle inside.
Frustrated. Anxious. Cranky.
My eyes are failing me after reading through all the articles. All the words seems to be dancing before my eyes and is starting to make no sense to me anymore.
Murder me, she wrote.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Police incident
Right now, my mind is actively running refusing to take a rest. It could be due to the long afternoon nap I took earlier. And since it refuse to shut down, I thought that the best thing I can do is to let myself run loose in the world of make-beliefs and fantasies. I read. Unfortunately, I realised that I have read every books in my home. Even the old issues of magazine and newspaper had been reread in the last couple of days (yes i'm that desperate). I need to run to the library first thing in the morning. Thank God it is only 5 minutes walk away from my place.
Its really strange because I didn't know that reading is that addictive. I have the constant need to supply my mind with thoughts from those materials else I feel something is missing. Is there something wrong with me? Hmmm.. Is it just me or what? I probably have too much free time on hand! Maybe I'm bored with life.
Well... something happen today actually. There are some problems happening at my grandma place and it involves the police. I spend my entire day accompanying my gram. I went over her place immediately after class. When I was there, the policemen was already there. They were taking statements from her. At that split second, the scene seems so surreal to me, like I was watching an entractment from True Files or something. It was exactly like the show, I almost wanted to ask where is the TV production crews. Haha.. Just kidding. I think I watched too much TV (besides reading)
In case you are worried, it is nothing really. Just hope that everything will be settled soon enough.
Yesterday I said I wanted to go dye my hair, well apparently I didn't get to do that. Maybe it is giving me another chance to rethink my decision to dye to a darker shades. Haha.. Maybe I should really reconsider.
Alright alright, I know I have ran out of topics to write. I better stop. Hopefully the next time I have more interesting revelations that I can share. Its been quite sometime isn't it. Good things goes to those who wait? I dunno.. Till then.
Ciao.
Its really strange because I didn't know that reading is that addictive. I have the constant need to supply my mind with thoughts from those materials else I feel something is missing. Is there something wrong with me? Hmmm.. Is it just me or what? I probably have too much free time on hand! Maybe I'm bored with life.
Well... something happen today actually. There are some problems happening at my grandma place and it involves the police. I spend my entire day accompanying my gram. I went over her place immediately after class. When I was there, the policemen was already there. They were taking statements from her. At that split second, the scene seems so surreal to me, like I was watching an entractment from True Files or something. It was exactly like the show, I almost wanted to ask where is the TV production crews. Haha.. Just kidding. I think I watched too much TV (besides reading)
In case you are worried, it is nothing really. Just hope that everything will be settled soon enough.
Yesterday I said I wanted to go dye my hair, well apparently I didn't get to do that. Maybe it is giving me another chance to rethink my decision to dye to a darker shades. Haha.. Maybe I should really reconsider.
Alright alright, I know I have ran out of topics to write. I better stop. Hopefully the next time I have more interesting revelations that I can share. Its been quite sometime isn't it. Good things goes to those who wait? I dunno.. Till then.
Ciao.
Monday, February 05, 2007
random
Life's been treating me well recently. I've been blessed with plenty of free time on hand and that means lotsa reading, shopping and all the what's not. I have polished off at least 5 books in 3 weeks. I would say pretty impressive, don't you think? Anyway, I really cherish these couple of weeks because I know it may be the last hiatus before my search for a REAL job begins. *horror*
I'll probably go for a long holiday before the search begin. I think this time it will be HKG. I can go look for my dad too and spend a couple of weeks over there. I need to get away for awhile. To wake up to a different view, meet strangers that will become friends, see the world in another light and become a better person. haha. sounds good to me. Speaking of my dad, he is coming back on the 15th Feb for CNY. Honestly speaking, I'm not too thrill about seeing him. Well, I have my plight......*lost for words*
Anyway, last sunday, i went for a hair cut and the salon charge me $10 more for CNY surchage! damn. The bill came up to almost $50 and less than 2inches of my hair was chopped off. Tomorrow, I will be going for hair colour (to a different salon), hopefully there is no such ridiculous happenings. I was thinking of dyeing my hair to darker shades but i know that dark shades don't really suit me. Should I take the risk? =(
My friend, Ivy, has kindly offered to accompany me to the salon. I thought it was very kind of her because she will be sitting there and wait. Haha.. Let's hope she will not be bored to tears and hope that she will not regret her decision. haha..
Alright better go to bed soon. Meeting the tutor at 8.45am for consultation. My 2500 words report has so far ZERO word. I'll be screwed if I don't start writing soon. Anyway, u guys can contribute your views if u like. I'll be able to gather more opinions too!
Topic: "Evaluate the branding 'Uniquely Singapore'. Does this branding encapsulate the essence of what Singapore has to offer to visitors? What are the strengths and weaknesses of this branding?"
I'll probably go for a long holiday before the search begin. I think this time it will be HKG. I can go look for my dad too and spend a couple of weeks over there. I need to get away for awhile. To wake up to a different view, meet strangers that will become friends, see the world in another light and become a better person. haha. sounds good to me. Speaking of my dad, he is coming back on the 15th Feb for CNY. Honestly speaking, I'm not too thrill about seeing him. Well, I have my plight......*lost for words*
Anyway, last sunday, i went for a hair cut and the salon charge me $10 more for CNY surchage! damn. The bill came up to almost $50 and less than 2inches of my hair was chopped off. Tomorrow, I will be going for hair colour (to a different salon), hopefully there is no such ridiculous happenings. I was thinking of dyeing my hair to darker shades but i know that dark shades don't really suit me. Should I take the risk? =(
My friend, Ivy, has kindly offered to accompany me to the salon. I thought it was very kind of her because she will be sitting there and wait. Haha.. Let's hope she will not be bored to tears and hope that she will not regret her decision. haha..
Alright better go to bed soon. Meeting the tutor at 8.45am for consultation. My 2500 words report has so far ZERO word. I'll be screwed if I don't start writing soon. Anyway, u guys can contribute your views if u like. I'll be able to gather more opinions too!
Topic: "Evaluate the branding 'Uniquely Singapore'. Does this branding encapsulate the essence of what Singapore has to offer to visitors? What are the strengths and weaknesses of this branding?"
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Queues?? no thank you
Today is the first time I've tried the famous Hokkien Mee at Republic Foodcourt at Wisma. (hey, don't look at me like that. I know i'm kinda slow at keeping up) Me and Wendy both agreed that it was too overated. Seriously. I think that the Hokkien Mee stall near my place taste better than that. No kidding. And i don't even see a bee-line for it.
I think that Singaporeans really really love to have something that they work really hard for. Say for example, queuing? And queuing is a big NO-NO to me. Which explains why it took me such a long time to try the Hokkien Mee at Republic Foodcourt. Haha. You know the recent (or not so recent) craze of the donut from Donut Factory? I wondered if it really taste so good that people queue for hours to get them? Novelty? I don't know but I should really yank my tooth at one of those, probably when the queue ceases. Which may be about in a few months time? Haha.. Probably.
I think that Singaporeans really really love to have something that they work really hard for. Say for example, queuing? And queuing is a big NO-NO to me. Which explains why it took me such a long time to try the Hokkien Mee at Republic Foodcourt. Haha. You know the recent (or not so recent) craze of the donut from Donut Factory? I wondered if it really taste so good that people queue for hours to get them? Novelty? I don't know but I should really yank my tooth at one of those, probably when the queue ceases. Which may be about in a few months time? Haha.. Probably.
Monday, January 22, 2007
the notebook
Half the day had gone by and I have yet to accomplish the things I wanted to do. Procrastination sets into motion on the first day when I promised myself to start compiling my portfolio. I wonder how the rest of the week will go. Useful, I hope.
I have just finished watching another rerun of 'The Notebook' and it still never fails to fill my eyes with tears. The love between the couple is unprecedented in modern times. Such love, I yearn with great intensity. Such love that burn a mark in my soul. Such love that will set me pursuing it till eternity. Yes. Summer love that is passionate and mindless which develops into something much more. A lifetime of memories, a love that create miracles and bring us back each time when we drifted away.
Maybe that is the reason for me to stay in singleville. I see no reason to come out. I'm happy where I am. Until the love that I'm looking for comes to me. Until then. Call me an idealist if you want. I couldn't deny that. But wouldn't we all want the best? Wouldn't we all not settle for anything less? I wouldn't do that for sure. I have decided to measure love on a different benchmark. It is harder to reach this time. But isn't the journey of love not make easy? Decimated with thorns and planted with tears.
The film has reignited the passion back into me. A passion that was buried by reality, disappointment and lies. I thought I could well forget about the four lettered word, move on and simply just live. But I couldn't. The core of my being is made with love, nurtured with love in mind.
I'll wait till it comes to me. For the once and final time. I'll wait.
I have just finished watching another rerun of 'The Notebook' and it still never fails to fill my eyes with tears. The love between the couple is unprecedented in modern times. Such love, I yearn with great intensity. Such love that burn a mark in my soul. Such love that will set me pursuing it till eternity. Yes. Summer love that is passionate and mindless which develops into something much more. A lifetime of memories, a love that create miracles and bring us back each time when we drifted away.
Maybe that is the reason for me to stay in singleville. I see no reason to come out. I'm happy where I am. Until the love that I'm looking for comes to me. Until then. Call me an idealist if you want. I couldn't deny that. But wouldn't we all want the best? Wouldn't we all not settle for anything less? I wouldn't do that for sure. I have decided to measure love on a different benchmark. It is harder to reach this time. But isn't the journey of love not make easy? Decimated with thorns and planted with tears.
The film has reignited the passion back into me. A passion that was buried by reality, disappointment and lies. I thought I could well forget about the four lettered word, move on and simply just live. But I couldn't. The core of my being is made with love, nurtured with love in mind.
I'll wait till it comes to me. For the once and final time. I'll wait.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Blood Diamond
Every once in a while, there will be a movie that can capture your soul. It will leave a deep burden in your heart and you can never be the same again. The movie that speaks volume of the dark abyss of a world where I can never in my life, comprehend. One that provoke an inner sense of shame and shake me hard to realise how indifferent I have been. That is the aftermath of my thoughts after watching 'Blood Diamond'. - A wake-up call.
The exploitation of the poor by the rich. Throughout the show, deaths, lies, betrayal, greed and violence are the overlying theme in the movie. The idea behind the violence on the screen is to show the brutality and senselessness of violence, both in Africa and around the world. The most disturbing scene is to see children picking up weapons and started a killing spree without batting an eye. Their eyes reflected not even a sense of remose. A show not for the faint hearted.
During one of Leonardo DiCaprio's weaker moment, he asked a rhetorical questions: "Will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other?", to which his own response is "God left this place a long time ago". A nation without a hope. TIA - This is Africa.
To me, the irony of the story is after all the innocent bloodshed and the merciless killings to obtain the diamond, it was simply put into a vault in London. Totally unjustifiable. The present day struggle between the west and the third world country is at play.
I remembered a commericial that advocate for us to stop the demand of sharkfin's. "The killing stops when the eating stops." This is the same for the movie.
The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifferent. Yes, I couldn't agree more. And so how I have hated the world, by choosing to be indifferent. A movie that urge me to do something to make a little difference. Anything.
I strongly encourage everyone to watch this film. A movie at its best to give us a reality check of what may still be happening all around the world. It may not be diamond this time.
The exploitation of the poor by the rich. Throughout the show, deaths, lies, betrayal, greed and violence are the overlying theme in the movie. The idea behind the violence on the screen is to show the brutality and senselessness of violence, both in Africa and around the world. The most disturbing scene is to see children picking up weapons and started a killing spree without batting an eye. Their eyes reflected not even a sense of remose. A show not for the faint hearted.
During one of Leonardo DiCaprio's weaker moment, he asked a rhetorical questions: "Will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other?", to which his own response is "God left this place a long time ago". A nation without a hope. TIA - This is Africa.
To me, the irony of the story is after all the innocent bloodshed and the merciless killings to obtain the diamond, it was simply put into a vault in London. Totally unjustifiable. The present day struggle between the west and the third world country is at play.
I remembered a commericial that advocate for us to stop the demand of sharkfin's. "The killing stops when the eating stops." This is the same for the movie.
The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifferent. Yes, I couldn't agree more. And so how I have hated the world, by choosing to be indifferent. A movie that urge me to do something to make a little difference. Anything.
I strongly encourage everyone to watch this film. A movie at its best to give us a reality check of what may still be happening all around the world. It may not be diamond this time.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
financial reds
Stealing some time to blog before I knock off from work. I'll be meeting Yiling and Jinwen for a comedy play at the National Library. Reading from the various critics, it seems to be a 'must-watch' for this season. I'll tell you if it is so after tonight.
My financial statement seems to be in the red lately. There is so much things i NEED to buy but have to be put on hold till the moola appears. Too bad they don't grow on trees. Haha.. I'll have to find a part time to hold the fort in the meantime.
Alrighty, till then.
My financial statement seems to be in the red lately. There is so much things i NEED to buy but have to be put on hold till the moola appears. Too bad they don't grow on trees. Haha.. I'll have to find a part time to hold the fort in the meantime.
Alrighty, till then.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Everything in this world will come to an end eventually
2 more days and 5 months of internship will come to a closure for me. 5 months seems so daunting initially. But then I don't know where the days have gone.
In these 5 months, I have an awesome experience! I get to dine at fine restaurants, meet up with experience industry player, handle challenging projects and most importantly, knowing the best supervisor and manager anyone can ask for. It is one of the best experience in my life. If I am allow to say that. Through this, I gain better understanding of the travel and aviation industry. One that I can never learn in a classroom.
I must really really thank God for this. I know that all is not possible if not for him. Initally, it didn't even occure to me to apply to this company. But with his miraculous intervention, I was one of the choosen few to be able to work there for my internship. Everything falls into his perfect and pleasing plan - for me.
Tears will be shed on friday as I bid farewell to my colleagues. All of them.
There is a chinese saying that says: "Tian di xia mei you bu shan zi yan si". Everything in this world has to part eventually. (loosely translated)
I couldn't agree with that more.
Shakespears says that "parting is such sweet sorrow". But I can never understand the sweet part.
With heavy hearts.
In these 5 months, I have an awesome experience! I get to dine at fine restaurants, meet up with experience industry player, handle challenging projects and most importantly, knowing the best supervisor and manager anyone can ask for. It is one of the best experience in my life. If I am allow to say that. Through this, I gain better understanding of the travel and aviation industry. One that I can never learn in a classroom.
I must really really thank God for this. I know that all is not possible if not for him. Initally, it didn't even occure to me to apply to this company. But with his miraculous intervention, I was one of the choosen few to be able to work there for my internship. Everything falls into his perfect and pleasing plan - for me.
Tears will be shed on friday as I bid farewell to my colleagues. All of them.
There is a chinese saying that says: "Tian di xia mei you bu shan zi yan si". Everything in this world has to part eventually. (loosely translated)
I couldn't agree with that more.
Shakespears says that "parting is such sweet sorrow". But I can never understand the sweet part.
With heavy hearts.
Monday, January 01, 2007
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