perfectionist streak

Question: What is the worst job for a perfectionist?

Answer: Typist (using typewriter)

Just the other day, someone asked me to help her prepare some document to be fed-ex out. She asked if i know why to use a typewriter and I was like (duh). So she gave me a blank template and asked me to type according to the default one. Knowing myself well (a pefectionist) and playing it safe (being cautious), I went to photocopy a few more copies (8 to be exact) of the blank template because I am sure there bound to be mistakes. Haha... I think I must have underestimate myself.

I took almost 50minutes to get the document ready. I could use 5 minutes to type it in Microsoft Word. And you know what, I used up 18 blank templates before I am satisfied with my work. I was mentally exhauted after that. Haha.. That was really hard work (for me).

I don't know why I am so fussy with the way I do things. I always believe that everyone should put in 110% of themselves in what they are doing. Maybe because I cannot tolerate people doing their work in a sloppy manner, I will not allow myself to committe such acts. And I guess because of that, I tend to push myself harder. It may be doing a big project or just typing a simple letter.

But anyway, I think that the lady notice how long I took to complete the letter and the amount of waste paper in my bin, she never asked me to type any letters for her anymore. Phew... Great relief. Haha...

So moral of the story...

Never ever ask a perfectionist to type any letters using a typewriter.

for wendy and amber

A poem for a dearest friend
Who is standing on the fence
Looking right and looking left
Plunging into her own death

Tossed about in the strongest wind
She has forgotten who she is
Drowning her sorrow with toxin
Someone please redeem her from this

long long ardous bus ride

I felt like I have embarked on a road to eternity when I stepped out of my office heading to church. In total, I have spent close to 2 hours commuting from Loyang to Marine Parade. I could have reached JB with that time! How thick can it get?

The rain has caused the traffic to be slow moving. The speed of my bus cease to a slow crawl. It made me developed motion sickness throughout the journey. My stomach was threating to regurgitate every bit of my lunch. Yikes! Its really sickening. This is definitely one bus ride that I don't enjoy.

Today was really challenging for me physically. My body kept screaming for me to go back home and sleep but I dragged my foot to choir rehearsal. Say in normal circumstance, I won't consume coffee but today is really abnormal. I had 2.

TGIF tomorrow.

Sunday going Natas Fair with Linda!!! Guess where are we going for holiday? Haha... I'm sure all those that know me don't even have to guess. The country that scream: "Where the Bloody hell are you"? or the more mellow/censored version of "So, Where are you"? The secret is out in the open! =)

Well... actually I don't really like to blog about the coming and goings of my daily life but then I guess the bus ride really eeks me so much that I have to pour it out. Haha... Wanna get it out of my system.

Sleep is creeping up my back, I guess its good night then..

Night world.

the kingdom of heaven

Troy, Arc of Joan, Kingdom of Heaven, Lord of the Ring and 300.

They are the genre of movies that I love. Ancient history/civilisation and ancient battle. The movies that speak of the glory days of the Roman and the Greek empire where they conquere the rest of the world..

They intrigues me beyond my understanding. Being the sort of girl who dislike watching gory film, I cannot understand what makes me love such films.

Definately not brad pitt in his non-existence waist clothes in Troy or Gerard Butler with his six packs in 300. Well not really anyway. haha..

But they have something that captivate me in that cinema seat. Something that makes me held my breathe. Something that makes my heart beat faster. (its really not brad pitt! believe me) I thought that maybe I'm a saddist that enjoy watching people slaughtering others, blood being spilled, heads detaching from their bodies.

But no, because speaking of all that really grossed me out already.

So I don't think I am a saddist.

Its something else.

Then it dawn on me...

Its about the men fighting for a cause that they believed in. Fighting for their freedom, to protect their love ones, and for the land that they call home. And thus creating history with their stories.

But there is always this leader, this one man. The bravery of this one man that lead his people into battleground. The man that instill courage and strength into his people. This man that urge others to never retreat or surrender. The one that roars the loudest so that other could find their strength to do the same. The one that stands in the frontier of the battleline.

And I saw this one man in someone I know.

The one that says: "If i perish, I perish".

And i know why I love those movies. Because something inside me that is so primeval yearn to be in a battle with him. A battle not of flesh and blood.

Without a battle, there will not be Victory!

And I know I was born for Victory!

back at one

Its really funny when u think that you have walked away from your heartache and disappointment only to find yourselves confronting the very same thing once again. You dont know whether to laugh or to cry. Literally. You tell yourself you have let that go and ready to put it aside only to find yourself back at the original starting point. Back at square one.

You wonder if this is yet another test you have to pass or is this the real thing this time? What if it is something that God has put in front of me once again and take it away once again? I never know. But i am still going to find out.

I am back at where I was. Will thing turn out differently this time? How many times do I have to go through it before I finally pass the test that He set for me?

Have mercy on me, I cried.

goodbye my lover

Pen in my hand, staring at empty space.
Trying to put all that is up there into a page.

A writer without a muse.
Impatient into frustration and finally into desperation.

Late at night, you told me you couldn't sleep.
I have hurt you beyond your wildest dream.

But don't you understand.
I am just too far from where you are.

Hoping to make your pain go away.
So I stay away.

For the first and the final time I say this to you instead.
I'm gonna let you go.

αντίο

Yes I do

I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders.
They pushed me down further and further.
I feel the pain, tears sting my eyes.
I am carrying more than what I can bear.

You then said to me: "Rest on my love, and cast all of my cares on you".

I walked on because I know only I can carry my cross.
Only I can to do this on my own, walk this stony path alone.
Broken into a trillion pieces, thrown all over the place.
Never to be One again.

You then said to me: "I had already walked down that thorny road while carrying that cross for you".

You make everything sound so easy.
Like all my brokeness and pain will just go away.
I wanted to hand you that baggage that I clinged so tightly on.
But I so afraid to let it go.

You then said to me: "Trust in my unfailing love for you".

There are so many questions with so little answer.
I want to know why must I carry this load.
Please tell me how far must I go till I know why.
Why must I wander down this road.

And you asked me: "Do you trust me? Do you trust me? Do you trust me?"

I do, I do, I do

Breaking free

Many times, we do things out of obligations, live to fulfill unspoken definition that govern our life. We stuck by them because we have to not because we wanted to. And we are restricted in the way we want to live our life.

Then when can we do things that truely pleases us?

Wisemen love to give advise thinking that they know it all, live it all. But they never asked if we needed them in the first place. They have forgotten that it is through the trials and errors that they have been through that truely defines who they are.

If you never try, we'll never know. And if you never try, you never really live.

Maybe we know the dangers of what lurk ahead and know that we might even get ourselves hurt. But isn't that the most exciting part?

I'm tired of living my life with people telling me what I should do, what I shouldn't.

"You should get a job soon"
"Maybe this isn't the will of God"
"With your result, it is a waste that you don't want to apply for university"
"You shouldn't travel alone because it is dangerous for a girl to do that"
"This job might affect your ministry in church so it is better to find something else that won't"

yadayadayada....

Don't they think I don't know all that? Why is it that when I want to do something radical, I have to seek their advise? Because they know better?

Their opinions and their voices became louder and louder and I become smaller and smaller. I cease to become who I am, while trying to please them.

I hate responsibilities, commitment, have a deep hatre for doing things that I don't have a passion for. I always thought that the rules in life don't apply to me.

I don't need another advise to tell me that whatI should do. I know what I should do. But I just choose not to do it. I know it is wrong to say this, wrong to do this. But why can't I be wrong for once? Why do I always always have to do what is right?

I am tired of doing what is expected of me. What I expect of myself.

I want to do something which is out of the ordinary for once.

To live for myself, for once.


Break Away - Kelly Clarkson

Grew up in a small town,
And when the rain would fall down,
I'd just stare out my window.
Dreaming of what could be,
And if I'd end up happy,
I would pray.

Trying hard to reach out,
But when I tried to speak out,
Felt like no-one could hear me.
Wanted to belong here,
But something felt so wrong here.
So I'd pray,
I could break away.


I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Wanna feel the warm breeze,
Sleep under a palm tree,
Feel the rush of the ocean,
Get onboard a fast train,
Travel on a jetplane,
Faraway, and break away.


I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.


Buildings with a 100 floors,
Swinging around revolving doors,
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me.
But I gotta keep moving on moving on,
Fly away, break away.


I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
Though its not easy to tell you goodbye.
Gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget the place I come from.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Break away, break away

eye of the storm

Like all thunderstorms, the precipitation will eventually cease and the strong gust of wind will stop blowing. And if you observe carefully, you might even see the rainbow that comes after that.

Common sense tells us that the rain will stop and the sun will come out exhibiting its manificent glory.

But it didn't tell us how long the rain will last.

Similarly like the storm of our life, we know that we will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel but we don't know when.

Fear crippled us when we are standing in pitch darkness. Our cries hit empty walls echoing our loneliness. Our vision is impaired by the total darkness that surround our heart and envelope our soul.

And like King David, we cried out "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me"? -quote psalm 42:5

My life is now in the presence of a major thunderstorm, wondering when will it go away. But God says "Put your hope in God, for I will YET praise Him, my saviour and my God".

And suddenly I find myself in the eye of the storm.

Safe in the arm of my Savior.

Be still and know that He is God

Waiting for the letter is like waiting for the rain to come in the middle of the drought.

Slow, painful and seemingly impossible.

I have been pacing around my letterbox for days and the letter has yet to arrive. The postman comes and go but without the envelope that addressed my name. Excruciating torment torture me days and nights.

But I put my trust in God. The One that specializes in the impossibles. The God that is above all things. I put my hope in God. The One that says to me that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me".

Be Still and knows that He is God.

Crossroad

After all the festive feasting, visitation and late night majong sessions, my body finally surrender defeat. My immune system was attacked and I am officially down with the flu virus. It has actually been awhile since I was down with serious flu. This time it hits really hard and I have to stay at home, rest in my bed.

Darn...

Anyway, last night was really fun BBQing at Mark's place. The choir friends from church all gather together to have fun, sing worship songs and stuffing our face silly with food! It was great, especially the singing part! Haven't had that in a long time.

I'll probably will have more time for fun since I have now (un)officially graduated from TP. I have no intention to further my studies in the university and no intention to start looking for a job yet (almost true) so that leaves me with so much time on hand.

What should I do?

I really hate standing in the crossroad wondering where to go next. It bothers me so much that it can give me sleepless night (almost true too) Well... not really sleepless as it take much for me to have insomia but bad enough to give me nightmares. Maybe I am someone who really need to have control over things. So it kinda scares me when I don't know what is the next step for me. But doesn't everyone feels that too?

I remembered watching a show call "CrossRoad" by Britney Spears. Haha.. Ok I admit that I rather fancy her in the past. But that was in the past, so no more raking up the closets. She is really diving headstrong towards a mental breakdown right now. Poor her. Anyway, ya coming back to the movie, it also shows 3 girls standing at the crossroad of their life. And it work out perfectly. I believe that mine will too. Even though it is just a movie.

If you don't know by now. I always believe in the movies because they allow me to be in denial. haha

Anyway, my cough now seems to have worsen. I better go else I'll splatter my monitor with my germs.

Flower power

My Valentines' Day Flowers!

I recieved these flowers for my Valentines Day. Technically speaking, I only received it on the following day due to the overwhelming delievery that the florist have to cope with.

I was happy nonetheless.

The sender of the flowers came as a big surprise to me because he lives an 8 hours flight away in Melbourne. How we meet was even more amazing. We met about a year ago when he was transiting flight in Changi Airport and I happen to be working there. We chat once in a while and this friendship was on and off-ish. But to think that I receieved flowers from him, well, 'I didn't see that coming'.

I am never a big fan of flowers but then I must admit that my stomach did a couple of somersauts when I received it. And probably more than that. haha.. I think women is really not after the flowers. Afterall they are just some dead plants bundled together delicately (no offence). But it is the feeling of receiving something pretty. Knowing that someone is thinking about them. It is all about the attention.

Haha..

Anyway, dad is back! He is busy in the kitchen doing his thing. Whenever he is home, the house will be filled with aroma coming the kitchen. That is how a home should be. Without him around, I can hardly find anything edible in the fridge, sometimes not even instant noodle in the cardboard!

Anyway, I had crabs for breakfast! He steams it for me the moment I wake up! Pippin' hot when I put the sweet white meat into my mouth. That's the perks of having him around! =)

Well, today is the eve of the lunar chinese new year. Let the feasting begins.
Have fun everyone!

Valentines Day

Love is a funny thing isn't it. It comes when you least expected it. Maybe Cupid plays a trick on Valentines Day. To the cynic of love.

This stone cold heart felt an aching pain. Like it was falling into love, involuntary. Butterflies were fluttering in the stomach, lips were parched dry.
The mind tries to hold back, but this time the heart won. It finally gave in after the long tug of war.

He said: "Don't back fight the feeling, just let it go".

Just for that few moments, it finally let go. Cupid has struck his arrows.

For just that few moments, its gonna hurt for awhile. But in the name of love, I guess it is all worthwhile.

All seems surreal, like being taken on a magic carpet ride. There were just the two of them, a world new world just before them. But like shooting stars, it lasted only for awhile.





A song came to mind: Can't fight the moonlight - LeAnn Rimes

Under a lovers' sky gonna be with you and no one's gonna be around
if you think that you won't fall well just wait until til the sun goes down
underneath the starlight - starlight there's a magical feeling - so right
it'll steal your heart tonight

you can try to resist try to hide from my kiss
but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight
no, you can't fight it it's gonna get to your heart

there's no escape from love was a gentle breeze weaves it's spell upon your heart
no matter what you think it won't be too long til your in my arms
underneath the starlight - starlight we'll be lost in the rhythm -
so right feel it steal your heart tonight

you can try to resist try to hide from my kiss
but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight
deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
but you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight
no, you can't fight it, it's gonna get to your heart.

Tulip Tulip

Feeling kinda emotional right now with a thousand things flashing across my mind but none choose to stay. There were like fleeting thoughts taking flight prematurely. Just when I thought I've found the right word to describe how I feel but then the feeling is gone and a new one took over.

Ever felt the same before?

Like maybe webster haven't found a word to describe that state of emotion. You know that it is either black or white. So it must be something in between. Just how to describe the in-betweens? You felt that the word is just at the tip of your tongue but it just refuses to come out.

Alright, maybe I'm not making much sense? I always don't. do I?

Anyway, on a lighter note, I discover my favourite flower today. In the past, people always asked me what is my favourite flowers and I will say flowers that are not dead yet. There were even this time when I tell my JC classmates that I like 'baby breath' and they must be thinking "is it counted as flowers"? Well anyway, they got me a bunch of 'baby breath" for my birthday. Haha.. I'll never forget that. Well.. actually "baby breath" is a type of fillers, not flowers. (Fillers as in those that compliments the flowers and 'fills' up a bouquet) It was funny. They tried! =)

*I hope juli is reading this!!*

Ok coming back, my favourite flower is TULIP. And of course those that are not dead yet, meaning still rooted to the ground. Its such a nice feeling seeing a sea of Tulip! How can anyone not like them?

Their petals are all close up as if hiding something underneath. They look so dedicate yet strong. Stretching all out to reach they sun. They look so elegant. Oh, and by the way, tulip means Perfect Love.

How Sweet.

What a timing entry for the Valentines Day! =)

Happy Valentines Day in advance to all the love birds out there. And to my friends whom I love and love me!

Check this out:

Images taken from getty images

Aramsa

Today is a day of pure indulgence...

Think Spa. Got the idea?

Kudos to Aramsa Spa. It was an award wining spa in Singapore Tourism 2006 award for "Best Garden Spa". Well.. it is an understatement actually.

Nestled in the green canopies of Bishan park. Like an oyster that hides the pearl, its unsuspecting exterior conceal that what lies behind its door.

Walking into the entrance makes me feel like I have walk right through an episode of Samantha Brown's travel and living program. This time I am really not kidding.

Miniature ponds, waterfall, pebble-cobbled walkway, individual treatment rooms, vichy shower! (yes, I'm not kiding). Everything was in place. I bet Samantha Brown wishes to be in my shoe (for once not the other way round!!!)

I chose their signatured 'Aramsa Touch Massage' which work on my tired and aching body. I felt 'brand new' after the 1 hour treatment.

To my surprise, the lady told me I could use their spa facilities which include the steambath! Of course I would not miss such good opportunities! Hehe.. Their showers room make use of the open outdoor concept and is incorporated with vichy shower-head. (yeah i really got a thing with shower-head) Haha..

I'm pampered from my head to my sole. And into my soul.

Well.. the thing is when I walked out of the Spa, I felt really good. Like happy. Its weird because I didn't know that the place will have such a hugh impact on me. I felt my body releasing surge of that positive emotion throughout the day. I know I sound really superficial right now, (gosh, and it sounded stupid) but I'm not kidding! Haha.. So they say "money can't buy happiness" Maybe they haven't been to a spa.

Speaking of all these, I must of course thank one person because without her, there is no such privillege...


*Drumroll please*

All these have been courtesy of Shelley! The best person in the world to me! And no, not only because of the spa treat. But because of every other things.


disclaimer: for your records, Aramsa Spa did not pay me any royalities for promoting for them. All on my own because they have truely *wow* me. =)

unique?

Spice girls once croon: "Too much of something is bad enough". I'm final understand their sentiment.

I've been searching the web the entire day for my project on the branding of "uniquely singapore". I think I really had enough of this. I can't seems to find anything I want online. Its always the positive stuff, horses riding into sunset horizon and happily ever after stories. I am sure there are some areas of Singapore that is not what we claimed to be. Right? Look, I'm not saying that we have failed to live up to our branding. However, I'm sure there is always a "but" in everthing. I can't find that "but". It is like finding a needle in a sack of hay. Only this time I not even sure someone puts the needle inside.

Frustrated. Anxious. Cranky.

My eyes are failing me after reading through all the articles. All the words seems to be dancing before my eyes and is starting to make no sense to me anymore.

Murder me, she wrote.

Police incident

Right now, my mind is actively running refusing to take a rest. It could be due to the long afternoon nap I took earlier. And since it refuse to shut down, I thought that the best thing I can do is to let myself run loose in the world of make-beliefs and fantasies. I read. Unfortunately, I realised that I have read every books in my home. Even the old issues of magazine and newspaper had been reread in the last couple of days (yes i'm that desperate). I need to run to the library first thing in the morning. Thank God it is only 5 minutes walk away from my place.

Its really strange because I didn't know that reading is that addictive. I have the constant need to supply my mind with thoughts from those materials else I feel something is missing. Is there something wrong with me? Hmmm.. Is it just me or what? I probably have too much free time on hand! Maybe I'm bored with life.

Well... something happen today actually. There are some problems happening at my grandma place and it involves the police. I spend my entire day accompanying my gram. I went over her place immediately after class. When I was there, the policemen was already there. They were taking statements from her. At that split second, the scene seems so surreal to me, like I was watching an entractment from True Files or something. It was exactly like the show, I almost wanted to ask where is the TV production crews. Haha.. Just kidding. I think I watched too much TV (besides reading)

In case you are worried, it is nothing really. Just hope that everything will be settled soon enough.

Yesterday I said I wanted to go dye my hair, well apparently I didn't get to do that. Maybe it is giving me another chance to rethink my decision to dye to a darker shades. Haha.. Maybe I should really reconsider.

Alright alright, I know I have ran out of topics to write. I better stop. Hopefully the next time I have more interesting revelations that I can share. Its been quite sometime isn't it. Good things goes to those who wait? I dunno.. Till then.

Ciao.

random

Life's been treating me well recently. I've been blessed with plenty of free time on hand and that means lotsa reading, shopping and all the what's not. I have polished off at least 5 books in 3 weeks. I would say pretty impressive, don't you think? Anyway, I really cherish these couple of weeks because I know it may be the last hiatus before my search for a REAL job begins. *horror*

I'll probably go for a long holiday before the search begin. I think this time it will be HKG. I can go look for my dad too and spend a couple of weeks over there. I need to get away for awhile. To wake up to a different view, meet strangers that will become friends, see the world in another light and become a better person. haha. sounds good to me. Speaking of my dad, he is coming back on the 15th Feb for CNY. Honestly speaking, I'm not too thrill about seeing him. Well, I have my plight......*lost for words*

Anyway, last sunday, i went for a hair cut and the salon charge me $10 more for CNY surchage! damn. The bill came up to almost $50 and less than 2inches of my hair was chopped off. Tomorrow, I will be going for hair colour (to a different salon), hopefully there is no such ridiculous happenings. I was thinking of dyeing my hair to darker shades but i know that dark shades don't really suit me. Should I take the risk? =(

My friend, Ivy, has kindly offered to accompany me to the salon. I thought it was very kind of her because she will be sitting there and wait. Haha.. Let's hope she will not be bored to tears and hope that she will not regret her decision. haha..

Alright better go to bed soon. Meeting the tutor at 8.45am for consultation. My 2500 words report has so far ZERO word. I'll be screwed if I don't start writing soon. Anyway, u guys can contribute your views if u like. I'll be able to gather more opinions too!

Topic: "Evaluate the branding 'Uniquely Singapore'. Does this branding encapsulate the essence of what Singapore has to offer to visitors? What are the strengths and weaknesses of this branding?"

Queues?? no thank you

Today is the first time I've tried the famous Hokkien Mee at Republic Foodcourt at Wisma. (hey, don't look at me like that. I know i'm kinda slow at keeping up) Me and Wendy both agreed that it was too overated. Seriously. I think that the Hokkien Mee stall near my place taste better than that. No kidding. And i don't even see a bee-line for it.

I think that Singaporeans really really love to have something that they work really hard for. Say for example, queuing? And queuing is a big NO-NO to me. Which explains why it took me such a long time to try the Hokkien Mee at Republic Foodcourt. Haha. You know the recent (or not so recent) craze of the donut from Donut Factory? I wondered if it really taste so good that people queue for hours to get them? Novelty? I don't know but I should really yank my tooth at one of those, probably when the queue ceases. Which may be about in a few months time? Haha.. Probably.

the notebook

Half the day had gone by and I have yet to accomplish the things I wanted to do. Procrastination sets into motion on the first day when I promised myself to start compiling my portfolio. I wonder how the rest of the week will go. Useful, I hope.

I have just finished watching another rerun of 'The Notebook' and it still never fails to fill my eyes with tears. The love between the couple is unprecedented in modern times. Such love, I yearn with great intensity. Such love that burn a mark in my soul. Such love that will set me pursuing it till eternity. Yes. Summer love that is passionate and mindless which develops into something much more. A lifetime of memories, a love that create miracles and bring us back each time when we drifted away.

Maybe that is the reason for me to stay in singleville. I see no reason to come out. I'm happy where I am. Until the love that I'm looking for comes to me. Until then. Call me an idealist if you want. I couldn't deny that. But wouldn't we all want the best? Wouldn't we all not settle for anything less? I wouldn't do that for sure. I have decided to measure love on a different benchmark. It is harder to reach this time. But isn't the journey of love not make easy? Decimated with thorns and planted with tears.

The film has reignited the passion back into me. A passion that was buried by reality, disappointment and lies. I thought I could well forget about the four lettered word, move on and simply just live. But I couldn't. The core of my being is made with love, nurtured with love in mind.


I'll wait till it comes to me. For the once and final time. I'll wait.