Bkk photo

See the menacing sky and the Grand Palace in the backdrop?


Need I say more? Ingredient for friendship; 10ml of care and concern, 10ml of love, 10ml of laughters and tears, 10ml of tolerance, 10ml of faith, add a dash of pepper, a dash of salt, plenty of sugar, served on crushed ice in a marie antoinette glass. =)



Chris and Yi Ling in front of this magnificant architectual structure. This one is where the weapons are kept. There is this stoned face guard that stood outside the gate guarding the entrance.


The force is stong on this one. Many work goes into this. Wonder how many sharks were killed for this one. But sharks kill people right? And we are revenging for those poor people. Let the feasting begin.

Not the London eye itself. Just a replica. But this is good enough for us on this warm night. Just enough for now.


The protagonist standing in front of the Ferris wheel in Suan Luam Night Bazaar. Adrenaline pumping within her knowing that she'll be up there in a few minutes time. No, she ain't afraid of height. No, she ain't afraid really.

Candid shot of the candid girl. What is jOOOrine dOOOing?



The multitudes of vehicles on the streets of Bangkok.

Blurred vision of the passing scenary, the photographer is pleading for the fleeting moment to stay. And it did.

Sleepy eyes, water retention faces, sore bodies and blistered foot but still smiling into the lense. Great job ladies.

Jinwen, in her favourite position. She really deserved the "See who fall asleep at the stangest place first" title. Nobody can even come close. No, I love jinwen. I really do. =)

MBK, the mecca of the shopping icon in the "City of the Angels". In front of her, stood herself, spotting a new hairdo.



Capturing a moment where the 2 of them can call their own. The honking noises from the traffic, the dust, the extremely hot weather cannot strip this joy away. It's intrinic.




The protagonist herself, in Tuk-Tuk, finding joy amidst the crazy traffic on the road of Bangkok. Did she mentioned the weather yet?





The camera caught a glimsp of the Tuk-Tuk driver. They are the dare-devils surfing through the roads and back alley of Bangkok.

The proud General grinning from ear to ear with her battlegains. If she remembers the holes she has burn on her pocket, bet it'll wipe that goofy grin off her face.

Trip to BKK

My muse has gone into hidding. She wasn't in the little closet the last time i've check. There is no trace of her anywhere. Wondering if she has deserted me for good? Or probably she is in search of her very own muse? Or probably she thinks that we both needed a break.

Indeed, how well she understand her master. We both needed a break. The trip to Bangkok appears to be more daunting than relaxing. We have combed every corner of the shopping centres, night bazaar and the infamous Chaktuchat market searching for good buys, fighting against the pollution and traffic in bangkok, declining any 'good intension' from the taxi drivers and also snapping non-stop with our camera. Coming back to the hotel rooms with blisters on our feet and shopping bags as our battle prize. Its a far-cry from a relaxation get-a-away.

But it was all worth it.

It is the sheer idea of traveling that has keep me excited. Not the fancy food, the glittery nightlife, the shopping or even the culture and the people. Well, not all of it anyway.

It was the moment just before the plane takes off at the runway. It was such fleeting moment that I have to grasp hold of. To hold it in my heart. That was the feeling I am after.

Sitting in the plane, I welcome the anticipation of what is to come. The feeling of freedom that empowered me. Allowing me to be who I want to be in a foreign country. Going somewhere that nobody even knows my name. Accepting me just as I am, at face value. Without any excess baggages or pre-determined perception. Just me.

I love that about traveling.

My friends. The girl friends that I traveled with. I know that they are all going to be my friends for life. With that knowledge, it is easy to love them, accept them and sit beside them in silent. Through this trip, I have get to see a different side of them. Everyone of them. Yiling is independent, crazy (calling every black dog she saw on the street 'ah nor' because they resembled her soft toy??) and also streetsmart. I have seen the clueless side of Jorine. I used to think that she knows everything but through this trip, I reckon that there is a part of her wanting to be taken care of. She also yearns to sit back and relax without being in the 'front line' all the time. Jinwen has grown more than I can catch up with her. She has become more indifferent and slowly forgetting the meaning of stopping to smell the roses. She is very accomodating and is very streetsmart. She keeps her knowledge to herself and doesn't flaunt it unless situation calls for it. Well, that's just my perspective of them. They are definately much more than that.

I'll post up some pictures of the trip when I get home.

Hopefully my muse comes back soon. Meantime, I'll be meeting my JC mates later in the evening.

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project blues

Counting down to the trip to BKK: 03days

All day long, the only thoughts that have been occupying my mind is the trip. I have already got a long mental list of the items that I am going to shop for. Ha ha.. I'm gonna be the "Queen of Haggle" and hone my bargaining skill. Have to start polishing it now. Even though, I have heard that the locals are also very good at that too. They make a living out of it, what can i say? I have drawn up an itinerary for the group and it includes the famous sightseeing tour in Grand Palace which includes cruising down the Chao Praya River.

Today was actually a very stressful day. I was confronted with a lot of unfinished work and have no idea how to advance. Work was thrown to me in all direction and I really have no intension to pick them up one by one. But I couldn't resist the temptation inside me. It seems again that I have tried to put everything on myself once again. I questioned myself times and again why do I always come back to this issue with myself. I know very well that I am an extreme perfectionist but I did try to not that ruin my social life. So what happen again this time? Why do I always end up doing other people's work and leave my own with no time to complete? Is my perfectionist streak really that bad that it leaves no room for imperfection? Probably.

Or could it be that I am over critical of myself? Blaming my own perfectionist nature rather than blaming others for being indifferent to their roles? People just don't prove to me that they are capable enough and thus my inability to trust them? Of course there are people whom I have love to work with throughout my entire 3 years and these people shown me that the problem doesn't lies with me. I have no issues with their work and really put my trust in them to do what was needed. Ok. Conclusion: The issue doesn't lies with me.

Haha.. this is really funny coz I am like asking questions and answering them myself. I really tend to do it. Like talking to myself, only this time, stating it in black and white. Actually I have make it a point never to blog about my projects or the members because it seems unethical. But I have to confessed that this entry is really not about the social loafers in the group or to complain about who is not doing what. I know everyone is trying. Its about me understanding myself better and the way I work. Actually I should not even be justifiying myself. Heck, this is my blog. Haha..

I met up with my Wendy just now for dinner and coffee. Haven seen that girl for century. So we did some catching up of her current status in SQ. Her future is furnished with excitments and interests that I would die to have. Not literally, but you know what i mean. The perfect jet-setting lifestyles that I yearn for. Flying to NRT and SYD in august. If she was to tell me she is going MEL, I would really find my way into her luggage and contort my body in that cramp space for 7 hours. =)

I guess I better go and complete my assignment now. Another night of burning the mid-night oil. Thank God for the banana mocha I grapped at starbucks earlier. =) Night people.

random

This photo was the one that I blogged about a few entries back. Daddy's girl.

This is the first photo that was put up in my blog and I'm glad this one makes it to the hall of fame. =)

Been trying to figure out how can I put pictures into the entries and realise that the thing is starring at me right in my face the whole time. And it must have been laughing at my ignorance. I am laughing at my own unwillingnss to learn as well. But I thought that I am going to get it this time. The trip to BKK helps as well since I know I will be taking tonnes of pictures with my buddies for 10 years. This trip is like a celebration of friendships in the name of traveling and fun. Not forgetting woman's first love; shopping.

Nothing much really happen except that I have been having nightmares these few nights. The other night i dreamt that I was in BKK and either all the shops are closed or are selling things that I don't fancy. I can feel such disappointment even in my dreams. And last night, I dreamt of the Amadeus test that I have taken earlier in the day and think that I have not printed the entire itinerary to hand up. What was worse is that, I stupidly entered the ignore button which cancel the entire booking. (I really did that in real life, how dumb!) Hmmm.. I always have the tendency to have nightmares when I am getting stress. So I believe that the nightmares that I have been having these couple of nights are my body way of telling me to slow down. I probably should listen to it as well. What is your body respond to stress?

I have started another novel by Paulo Coelho, the same author who wrote the now famous "Veronika decides to die". This time it is "The Devil and Miss Prym". And the theme of the book is about human's struggle with Good and Evil. I really think that this Paulo guy is really brilliant. Everyone should really get hold of his book. Really. I'll probably do a write up on this once again after I can make sense and digest the stuff he is writing about. =) Hold your breathe in the meantime. haha

What makes up a good day or a bad day? To me, it is the simple things that we often overlook when we are busy trying to get on with our activities. But many times, the best thing in life comes without effort. No matter how much we try to make it happen, it won't. They are just like blessing given by God, if only we are sensitive enough to notice it.

Things that really make my day: (in chronological order)

0. Smiling as you wake up thanking God for today.
1. Waking up and remembering that funny dream that I just had.
2. Knowing that there are breakfast in the kitchen.
3. Standing under the pseduo vichy shower in your bathroom and thanking your mum that she decided to invest in a good, high pressure shower head.
4. Having a good hair day.
5. Finding the perfect outfit in no time that will compliment today's activities.
6. Waiting for the bus for less than 3 minutes and boarding the bus spotting many empty seats.
7. Listening to your mp3 while reading on the bus and knowing that you are early for class.
8. Seeing the familiar faces of your friends or colleugues and them giving you a knowing smile.
9. Receiving a surprise sms from a friend that you haven't been in contact with for some time.
10. Receieving a surprise call from a guy that you are have a crush with! (definately)
11. Someone telling you that the outfit you have chosen really look good on you.
12. Suddenly remembering that your favourite TV show is on tonight.
13. Going to the toilet and catching a glimsp of yourself on the mirror and knowing that you look pretty.
14. Strangers holding the door for you
15. Strangers giving you a smile as they passed you by.
16. Standing in front of the traffic light for less than 2 second when the red man turns green.
17. Day-dreaming of the places you would love to visit. (Melbourne & Santorini!)
18. Going home and taking a bath and again thankful for the high pressure shower head. (haha)
19. Decide to indulge in reading a book on your bed.
20.Watching your favourite TV show and thinking that Gabe is really spontaneous, Tony's funny, Renee is the girl next door, Josh is getting more and more charming and Tiffiny is still as grumpy.
21. Lying on your bed and knowing that you have another 7 hours of sleep before you start another amazing day that might be filled with surprises!

Hmm.. That's it for me. Simple things which take for granted. Things that we tried so hard to make happen actually comes without effort. What makes my day today? I guess it was the sweet message that Shane sent me this morning when I wake up, watching 5takes rerun on channel 16, watching the tv mobile on the bus ride to school, someone telling me I'm beautiful =), meeting yuanyuan for lunch and writing down my thoughts right now. =) What's going happen later will be later's problem. Right now, I'm blissed.



me, out.

Backpacking aborigines?

Why do we sometimes have to do things we don't really want to do? Like sitting through a 2 hour business enterprise lecture or even going out with someone when you don't feel like going out? I guess it is our obligations? Obligations as a student or as a friend or some roles that we need to play at that particular moment. I was at the lecture this afternoon and was spaced out. The 2 hours were unbearable and even time seems to be working against gravity. So glad that there will be no lectures for 2 weeks.

The power of influence is really very great. It has the ability to percolate into our mind without even us realizing it. I realised that my obsession with traveling and Australia have more effects on my brother than I ever realise. Yesterday night I was tutoring my brother how to answer comprehension question (the one with long and difficult passenge and asked you to answer questions and do a summary? My worse nightmare)) and this joke came about. It was just a coincidence that the article was about Australia. It was about the early settlers of Australia versus the aborigines.

The question went like these: "The aborigines (i) built no villages, (ii)planted no cereals". Write out the following sentence, filling in each blank with one word which convey the same information.

"The aborgines led a ______ life and had not developed the science of _______."

That stumbled my brother and he asked for clue. So I asked him: "So who are people who don't stay at one place permanently and travel around?"

His sincere reply without even to stop and think:" Since it is the Australian and they move around...

"The aborgines led a backpacker's life and had not develop th science of ________."

You should have seen his face at that moment. He really thought that was the answer. He looked at me with hopes in his eyes wishing that he gotten the correct answer.

It was then I knew that a) my brother's standard of English is really as bad as I was when I was his age. b) he must have been so influenced by me telling him of all the traveling tales and my desire to backpack Australia and c) he is really a silly goose.

We laugh a loud for a whole five minutes. Isn't the term "backpackers" coined only during the last few decades or so? Aborigines backpackers? hahaha

Then coming to the second part, I was so afraid that his answer would be gardening. Haha... With reference to my previous post, he could have said that though. Thank God he didn't.

I thought it was really funny and tell myself this is definately going into my hall of fames of lame jokes. =)

Marian Keys, under the duvet

I guess it could be time to clear off some of the dust that was collecting on my blog for the past 2 weeks. Haven't had the luxury to write for this period because I have been swarmed by work and projects. Yesterday was the end of my 2 week assignment at the company and was rewarded by this fat check. It was fat to me anyway. Every effort was worth it. The complaints from agents, the long hours on the desk facing the computer and even the extremely cold air conditioning. The money thawed everything that was negative away. =) I'm so money-minded that I can't stand myself. *grinz*

You know just 2 weeks at raffles place, I have put on almost 2kg. I cant imagine what will happen to me after my 5 months internship starts in september. How much will i gained? *counting* Woah, go figure.

Once again, I am back to being a student when monday starts. I used to complaint to everyone that I hate being a student and can't wait for me to really start working full time. I guess I really have to eat all my words. Its not that I finally realise how sickening it is to work but it is the realisation that I won't have the luxury of the flexibilty of time. I can't be spontaneous on a weekday and hit the beach as and when I feel like it. I'll most probably be strucked on my work desk replying emails. Or i can't go shopping during the low peak hours and have the shop assistances' attention all to myself. Haha.. Narcissitic right?

During these 2 weeks, been doing a lot of readings. Read 3 books in total. My favourite being Marian Keys; Under the Duvet. It is a compilation of many short articles she have writen for her magazine publications. And all those stories have a little pieces of me resounding in her stories. She was inspired to be a journalist when she was younger and her stories inject all the little humourous details of her life. Like her pre-wedding disasterous spa encounter, her struggle with the bottle, her husband whom she lovingly address as 'Himself', her fetish for shoes and also her article on gardening.

To quote from her from "Too fast to Live, Too young to Garden", she mentioned something which I have always struggle with. It was a revelation to my life.

Extracts: "I got the shock of my life when I realised that the green stuff beyond the window (her garden) was my responsibility. And that it grew. (the plants) Yes, yes, I know its elementary. I knew in theory that grass got longer, that weeds appeared in flower-beds, that hedges got out of control if they weren't tended. I just never before thought that any of these facts applied to me.

To apply it to me, I knew that my rooms will get messier if the bed wasn't made or the stack of books were continually piled up beside my beds. But it just never occur to me that I was the one that need to pack it. Seriously, I am not trying to push away the responsibilty of housework. I really just didn't occur to me that all these applies to me.

Or I know that we all need money to go through our daily life. People work for a living and get paid at the end. I always thought that I can be excused from that. Like money will suddenly appear before me andI won't need to work so hard for that. My ex boyfriend, ZQ, knows about this and always reprimand me that life is not as easy and money won't drop from the sky. I think he really thinks that I am trying to get the easy way out. But what he really didn't know is that I really thought that this rule didn't apply to me. Sure, people work hard for money. But I always thought that that rule didn;t apply on me. I didn't have to. I swear I always thought it was easier for me or it doesn't apply to me. Hmmm.. how wrong I was and imagine the shock I got when I finally realise it.

You might think that it takes a 5 years old child to know all these. The money and the household chore thingy just to name a few. But I really didn't realise all these. Not trying to be funny. Probably I have always been living in my own world with my own set of rules? That's the best explanation I can find. Like a parallel universe that Alice was in when she was in Wonderland. My parallel universe consist of rules that are working to my benefits and are easy on me. Therefore I grew up blocking out most of the obvious things in life and living in my own world. And as I grew older, I am forced to understand that the world doesn't work this way and therefore, I am having a very hard time trying to accept all these 'rules' that I have been trying to ignore all my life. Its really hard to come out and see what the real world is like.

You might not even know what the hell I am blabbering about here but it makes perfect sense to me. I was worried it doesn't come out right because I didn't know how to articulate it into words but I think I finally understand what is the problem with me. I write more for my own understanding than for the readers.

It really scares me because I realise that what I have always thought was right was not anymore. Life was harder than that. Coming out of the closet was a hard thing for me to do. Because it is finally admiting that I am not the special one that will always get away with things. I need to work for what I want. Kinda sad right?

I have writen enough, know enough and realise enough to know that this is enough to stop before I write more, know more and realise more about myself. This is it for now.

Daddy's girl

Once a daddy's girl, always a daddy's girl!

We went Long Beach Restaurant to celebrate my dad's birthday and the total bill came up to a whopping $436.00++. Unbelieveable. We had such a good time together. Took some really cute pictures of mum and dad. They are married for 20 over years, and that's a real achievement i must say. People nowadays take marriage as a game that they can toy around with. Even if marriage is a game, my parents play to WIN.

I can see from my parents' eyes that they are falling in love with each other all over again. How sweet.... Awwww... They are so lovey dovey to each other, holding hands and going for long walks, looking out for each others and the smile on my mum's face.... I feel so happy for them.

Its such a wonderful feeling to fall in love again with the person you are married to for over two decades. I would want that too.

Absences REALLY make the hearts go fonder. It was proven by my parents.

As usual, I'm the daddy's girl. Since young, i was the one that clings onto my daddy's apron. I simply adore him! When i was still a child, i used to jump onto his back and he would piggy-back me the whole journey home. I would fall asleep on his back knowing that I'm in safe hands. Today, I relinquish this childhood experience. Innocently, I asked him. "Pa, ke yi bei wo mah?" Without saying a word, he stood in front of me with the bend shoulder. I jumped on him and he carried me for awhile.

We were transported back in time.

Everyone simply faded into the background and the moment held great significance to both of us. Silent speak on our behalf as words seems too inadequate for both of us.

He had aged more than I remember. I want to tell him that I'll love him forever but I held my words. I know that he knows it in his heart.

I am still my daddy's girl. And he knows that I know that I am always the special one that he most loved.

I never learn my lesson

I seldom learn my lesson. Just a year ago, I was presented with this preposition and I struggle with it for awhile. In the end I throw everything that I wanted to believe in to feed my selfish desire. In the end, I got burn on my finger or rather my heart. It was a painful experience I told myself I will not get into again. A year later, the almost same situation appears and I find myself drawn to it again. What a shame... Why can't i simply switch off and just ignore that naggying feeling inside me? I could pull the brake anytime but I couldn't bare to do.

It is like falling in love with the wrong person. You know you shouldn't do it but you just couldn't help it. You know that it will be painful in the end but you still want a go at it. There are a thousand reasons for you not to love that person but you only choose to look at the few good reasons. (According to human behaviour studies, this is perceptual denfence) We began to give rationalisation in our mind to tell ourselves that these few good traites are enough to cover the thousand other bad ones. Bollocks!

Or like any sort of addiction. You know that it is something you are not suppose to do it but it is too late to stop. It has become the master of you. Soon, your whole focus on life is limited to just what you are lusting over. You began to stop functioning in real life and build a world of your own. People on the outside who used to be those that you dearly love are now a hindrance to you and your addictions.

Human are like that aren't we? We know something is dangerous but yet we want to have a taste of that thrill. Just a tinnie winnie bit of it. But before we know it, it got us hook.

Maybe it was because of the instinct of Man. To err is human right? Costa just now told me that it was impossible to go against the human nature of man. I think he is only half right.

It is impossible to go against human natural if we do it by our strength. But with supernatural strength that comes from above, I know that we can overcome it.

So what is human nature? To me, human are;

Selfishness; humans are self-centric and think mainly for themselves.

Greedy; we are run by the idea of the more the better.

Discontented; the infamous 99Club. It was once told that a King has everything and was never happy. One day, he saw a commoner who was so happy even though he had not enough to eat. Th King asked his advisor what is the reason for that joy and his advisor replied: "That's cuz he wasn't in the 99 Club". Few days later, the commoner received a bag of money with exactly 99 gold coins in it. He searched high and low for that missing 1 coin so that he could have 100 coins but he couldn't find it. So he worked hard to earn that 1 coin. But he realised that 100 is not enough and worked harder to earn more coins to put into that bag. From that day onwards, he worked hard, become aggressive and cold in order to get what he wants. He was no longer happy like when the King saw him. He has joined the 99Club.

And there is so much more. But i just thought I'll stop here. Don't want to make myself more depress by thinking about the ugly side of us. There are of course the good sides too.

-----------------------------Pour some thoughts over this------------------------------------

I've just started working at a tour operation company on thursday. Its office is at Raffles Place. The place where the corporate bloodbath take place from monday to friday. In the morning, people stormed out of the subways with a blank look tranfixed on their faces, all lacking in emotions. Some even have those 'killer looks' drilled into their expressions as if saying: "Step on me and I'll kill you". There I am in the train trying to smile to anyone that will look my way but failing miserably. No one will look. And even those fews that did, look at me as if I am some sort of moron.

Hey! I'm just trying to brighten their morning right?

I realise that the best way to cure a monday blues is to listen to the song "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. It sounds ironic but it is true! It has worked on me on many occassions and haven't fail yet. So try it if you are having those sort of 'monday blues'. It works even on tueday, wednesday and thursday too. And before you know it, its TGIF!

Hmmm.. coming back to the people, they are like robots. And I know that if I continue to work in that place, I'll be transformed into one as well. Oh my, how am I going to survive my SIP for 5 months??? Someone please kill me.

Alright, just kidding about the last one. Ha ha

I have really been putting serious thoughts about going Melbourne alone in Sept before my SIP starts. But I think i can hardly afford my expences after the tickets and accommodation. Shane mentioned that I could bunk in with him for a few days. Will see how it goes.. Hopefully it turn out alright. Maybe I may be able to go after all.

Real looking forward to later. My DAD is coming back from Guangzhou after 4 months away from us. Its his birthday tomorrow and he wants to surprise us by coming back. So he gave such a short notice to us and I've go to cancel most of my prior committments. But no complains! Haha... I miss him so... And this weekend gonna be a blast!

Till then.

She decides to die

I thought that I might want to continue the story of Veronika...

As mentioned in my previous blog, the doctor diagnose her a death sentence due to irreversible damage to her organs by the drug and she was left with only 1 week to live. She might die the next minute or hour. And it was during this time when she fall in love with a man, Eduard.

If i am in her shoe, knowing that I would die any instance and at the same time falling in love with a man, that thought is enough to kill me. What would I have done? Falling in love is about butterflies in the stomach and anticipating sweet romance. But what have got a half-dead girl to anticipate about?

Ok, I felt that the end was rather anti climatic if I were the one to narrate it. You got to read the whole book to feel its essense. But I'm still gonna spoil it for everyone. *evil grinz*

The doctor in the mental hospital was writing a thesis on the cure for this drug that Veronika took; Vitriol. He uses Veronika as his tester. When Veronika was admitted to the hospital, he had already clear her system of the drug. Instead he gave her a daily dose of injected to stimulate 'heart-attacks' on her to induce her into thinking that she is really going to die. Therefore in the 1 week where Veronika live, thinking that it was her last, she make use of the time in doing what she always wanted to do but do not have to courage to pursue it. She pushed her limited of her dreams, sexual desire and personality into doing things she would never do. She fall in love not fearing of being hurt as she thought she is going to die anyway.

Yes, the doctor trick everyone.

His conclusion of the thesis is "An awareness of death encourage us to live more intensively". And that is so true. Like I've always say. Sing like nobody is listening, dance like nobody is watching, love like its not gonna hurt and live like there is no tomorrow. However, after being a Christian, I know of a thing called ETERNITY. So for me its like; 'live like there is no tomorrow, but exercising caution because there is this thing called ETERNITY.

That's another story altogether. Another time..

Anyway, the story ends rather aruptly. It ended with Veronika and Eduard eloping from the hospital as Veronika doesn't want to die there. So Veronika still doesn't know of the truth about her condition. Only the readers know it.

Its a good story with a good ending. I felt that there is no better way to end it. People always want happy endings. But in this case, I thought an ambiguous ending suit the style of writing. We know the truth but yet we are unsure of how it ends.

Will Veronika try to kill herself again because it is unbearable for her to wait for her own death knowing that she rather live?
Or will she cherish every second of it from this point on?

Life is a big question mark only God can put a full stop to it.

City of God

Something is wrong with me tonight. Very often when my head hits the pillow, I'll be fast asleep before you can say 'good night'. But not tonight. Not even after reading a couple of chapters from "Veronika decides to die."

Anyway, its a very good novel, courtesy of ms tyl. The story is about Veronika (duh!) who tried commiting sucide. Her reason to die was not because she was tired of living or cuz she was sad or was inflicted with depression. It was because she felt indifferent to life. Monotone in her feelings. And after swallowing tonnes of pills, she woke up in a mental hospital realising that she was not dead. Not yet anyway. Doctor told her she had another week to live. Her liver was irreverisbly damage by the chemical that she had forced into her body. And it was during this 1 week where she find that she don't have to be indifferent to life. Something invoke inside her that makes her feel that there is much more to life than she thought there is. She was afraid for the very first time because she wanted to live. But she was going to die.

What invoke that passion for Veronika to live? A man nevertheless. The man who is a schizo who has a vision of paradise. I really can identify with that man. Because I have my very own version of my vision of paradise. What's wrong with me? Finding myself and identifying with a mad man?

Well, I have yet to complete the book but I felt so sad for the protagonist in the story. It was like trying to commit suicide by jumping off a very very very tall building. Think Petronas Tower times 100. You are at the speed of free fall. And halfway down the building, you want to hit the brake button because you don't want to die anymore. But you can't. You continue falling and witness your own death with your very own consciousness. What a tragedy to speak off.

Moral of the story? When you want to kill yourself, make sure that you die straight away.

Haha.. Of course I am crazy. How can anyone be sane at this hour? When your eyes are closing and you are so sleepy. But you just can't sleep. Nothing will make sense. Nah, I'm joking. Of course I disapprove of people taking their own life.

And why am i saying all these?

It must have been the book getting into me. The hour of the night that doing weird things to my mind. But then again, my mind is weird to start with so I can't blame the time. Hmmm...

Earlier in the evening, I finally have the honour to watch "City of God". I thought, since it has won so many nomination at the Emmy's Award, I got to watch it. And its worth every minute of it. But just 1 question. What is the language they are speaking in? It doesn't sound like spanish to me. Just wondering.. Shall find out.

I probably should get back to my book. It has a higher chance for me to fall asleep then sitting in front of the computer. I shall tell of the ending of the book. To see if Veronika actually did die in the end? Or live happily ever after with the schizo handsome man from the mental hospital.

Moments

Time is the essence of life. And how true is that. We can lose big fortune or fail in business but we can always earn it back. But not time. Time has the irreversible factor that makes it so valuable but also at the same time vulnerable. It has the ability to escape from us even before we think about it.

Here I am in my final year thinking back to the time when I first started poly and telling myself that it is gonna be a long 3 years. I should really eat my words. Its the mid term test week again and I have already started school for more than a month. Before I know it, I'll be doing my internship! All these is happening too fast for me to digest it. Too fast.

Time is the essence of life.

Recently, I have all the craziest idea in my head. I am to step out of my comfort zone and do very radical things that I would never have done. Why live life like how other expect me to live? Maybe I was right all along.

I know that in everyone's deepest mind, they believe that they are special. They believe that they are different from everyone else and they will be a cut above the rest. In everyone's mind, they are their own king and queen, prince and princess. They believe that they are a unique individual and no one can come even close. I believe that's how they felt inside. That's how I felt inside anyway. And I know that I am right.

Why be comformed to the world? Why let the world tells you what you should do and not do? Why let people talk you into believing that your dreams are impossible just because they don't dare to dream?

Comformity is the death of creativity.

Nowadays I find myself appreciating the little beauty in life. I'll stop in my track and start taking pictures of my surrounding. A beauty sunset, the sun's ray that got filtered by layers of canopy of branches and leave a trail of disperse lights, a child laughing in the playground and even shadows. I guess I am going crazy. I'm crazy about life. Falling in love with it once again.

I am in love.

I have always saying that life is all about moments. And all these moments sum up to life. My life. =) Its magical.


Thank you Lord.

Bkk trip

The trip to Bangkok with the girls have finally been finalised. We'll depart from SIN on the 6th july and and coming back from BKK on the 9th july. I have been meaning to plan the itinerary for us but really have no time to do it. From what I have gathered, Kao San Road is the place to be. Its like the backpackers paradise in BKK and offers a wide range of retails therapy for the perfect 'shop till you drop' experience. How cool is it!

I guess the girls want to watch some 'cultured' show like the Tiger Show or something similar. But I guess I won't want to join them. From my take from Pei lin who had just came back from BKK, the show leave an unpleasant after-effect. I won't want to be in her shoe. Well, the girls can go and watch it, I'll probably hang out in some bar or do some night shopping. =)

I also wish to go to the palace for photo-taking and take the river cruise. I wonder if we have the time for it. Because time is really short and it is difficult to satisfy everyone at the same time. Everyone will have someplaces that they want to see. But luckily, those that are going are pretty much easy go lucky so I don't see a major issue on this one. Just can't wait for the 6th of July to come.

I saw this piece of information from my school website. They are looking for students some a 1 week student exchange programme to Macau. I am so keen on going and decided to email my tutor and sign up for it. Apparently, there are only 20 students that will be chosen from all over the world. I guess TP will be sending the most 2 students to take part? I hope I'll be one of them. But the drawback is that I got to pay for my own programme fees but heavily subsidy by the school. Let's just hope that money will not be an issue this time. If not i'll have to sell tissue in coffee shops.

Hmm... Shall stop now. Its my bro's turn to use the computer. My mum just bought him this new pc which cost more than $2000. Personally, I felt that it is so stupid to buy a computer rather than a laptop. Apple ibook cost only a fraction of that. $1600 to be exact. But my mum, as usual, dote on my brother so much just buy him what he wants (and deprive me of my Macau exchange programme). She says the reason to buy a computer is to make him stay at home to play games rather than going out. If she buys a lap top, he will be taking it out to play. I guess she has a point too...

Grease

It never fails to inspire me after each episode of Take5. This time the TJs went to Wellington. FYI, its the capital of New Zealand. In the past, I always thought that the capital of New Zealand is Auckland until when I was in year 1 and we took the module on Travel Geography and realise that it was actually Wellington. I have not even heard of that place before till then.

I never have a thing for New Zealand until today. As you haven't already know by now, my heart is already in Aussie. I always have a misconception that NZ is full of greens and sheeps and nothing much to see. But I was so fr*aking wrong about it. Wellington is situated at the southen point of the North Island of NZ. A capital in its own right. More like a country than a city, it was surrounded by sea and mountain. It is also known as 'Windy Welli' and as the name suggest, it is super windy! Its captivating beauty of the natural landscape earn its name as 'Middle Earth' in LOTR. I'm make sure I'll do a research on NZ and do a thorough post on my blog. But for those who have been to NZ or have read about interesting thing about it, do leave a comment. We'll ALL discuss about it.

Actually that's what i intend to do! Each month, I'll have a selected country or city that I want to talk about. I'll do a thorough research on that place and blog it here. So that everyone can enjoy it at the comfort of their own home. =) I am doing a project on Da Nang right now. I guess I'll do a post on Da Nang after the submission of my project. Oh, for those that still don't know, Da Nang is actually an up and coming place for tourism in Vietnam. It is sandwiched between Hue and Hoi Ann that are listed in the UNESCO World Heritage sites in the world. Has a lot of potential for tourism development, which is what my project is all about. "Destination planning and development". How interesting!!

Haha... I can see some of you rolling your eyes* now.

Anyway, I hope that I have the time to do what I say I will do. And do a good job and convince you guys that I can actually write. Ha ha..

Right now, I am really excited!! Tomorrow I am going to watch GREASE, A Musical. I can't wait! Going with Linda and her friends. When I first saw the advertisement in early March, I pray and tell God that I really wanna watch this show. And whoever asked me to the musical, I'll marry him. Haha.. Linda asked me to the show. So ... Ha ha.. Its a 'her' instead of a 'him'. But who cares when the lead artists are gorgeous.

I remembered watch Grease about 5 years ago. They were shown in the theater to celebrate their 20 years anniverary or something. The movie ROCKS my world.

John Travolta, Olivia Newton John, Retro, Summer Love, Pink Ladies, Black Leather Jackets, Bell Bottoms, Cars, Diners, High School Carnivals, Girlfriends, Sandra Dee, Polka Dots. All these came to mind.

I'll get ready to be ROCKED again tomorrow at the Indoor Stadium! Await for my next post!


Ciao~

Lovely Sentosa

Been caught up by work and school recently and hence not able to blog more often. But I guess I'm gonna have to stop work soon. If not, I really cannot catch up with my studies. But work has been really fun and liberating.

Recently, I find myself zoning out VERY OFTEN. I could board a bus, ride on the 20min journey, alight at my bus stop and walk home without knowing what I have just did. When I got home, I can suddenly 'wake' up from my spacing out session and wonder how the hell I did all that without thinking about it. Its actually quite dangerous because I don't even remember how I cross the road. It is like you switch off the manual mode and turn on the auto mode where your body just do all those things for you and you just go along with it. Like you are a stranger in your own mind and your mind just does these things for you. What happen to me within that period of time is really strange. Because I don't know what I am doing or thinking. Or am i thinking of anything? It just kinda shut down. I hope it doesn't just happen to me but to everybody as well. I should really get more sleep.

Yesterday was a really long day for me. But I enjoy every second of it. I hit the beach again in the morning. And surprise surprise! The water was so clean. Yeah you heard right. The water in Sentosa is CLEAN! Oh my God, I should really eat my words when I always complain that the water there is poisonous. I was just lying on the mat and soaking in all the rays. And contemplating whether I should listen to my MP3. Thank God I didn't. Because if you listen really closely, you could hear the melodious surge of the waves when it hit the shore. Its rhythemic sound and motion put me in a trance and I imagine myself somewhere far away. After about an hour of day-dreaming cum suntanning, i went into the water to feel its embrace. That was the moment for me. (when my day just got started, how wonderful!) The moment where everything else just fades away. I may be there all by myself but that was enough for me. Thankfully i was alone because I won't want any conversations in the world to spoil the moment for me! I'm such an introvert! Hehe!

After that soul rejuvenating afternoon, I went back to TAS and met up with my 'almost but not there yet' cell member to catch up and went off to the airport. During work, I chat up with this very old man and he told me that he is 100 years old. My gosh! He went on to tell me about his life and how he fought in war and his post war struggle. I knew in my heart that this man live out his dreams and he would not regret his life even if he was to die the next day. He told me he intend to buy over some businesses from Philippines and intend to revamp and develop it. Oh my, he was speaking like he is some 30 years old man, full of drives and dreams! No one can beat that. Amazing.

At 11pm sharp, punched my card and went straight to town. Meeting my friend for a drink. We went to Rouge and stay there for the rest of the night till they close shop. Had very 'cultured' exchange when we started talking about Japanese language and the culture. Actually I felt that Japanese language is not very difficult to learn and their living lifestyle is quite similar to Singaporean. Not that much of a culture shock really.

The language that I most wanted to learn is Spanish. It was probably inspired by Dirty Dancing. Spanish is the most widely used language in the world besides English. It speaks like a song, sexy and passionate like a dance. I just know a few sentences like;

Hola, como estas? (Hello, how are you?)

Bien / moy bien (Good/ very good)

me gusta mucho (I like you very much)

Ono, dos, tres, cuatro (1,2,3,4)

Gracias (Thank you)

Si/no (Yes/no)

Ciao (Bye)

I'm so proud of myself! Haha... I'm taking baby step to learn it. Best to learn from someone rather than the books because most books are not very user friendly.

Ok, I have to get back to my project research.

Ciao~

Blogging

I'm gonna keep this a short one. Haven't realise how blogging has made me into a slave until now. There are still a million things for me to do and yet I on my pc and blog. Moments like this makes me ponder on who is the master and who is the slave.

It also spark on this question of why I start blogging in the first place. Initially, I refuse to give anyone my blog's address for the fear that others will have a chance to peek into my world. I only allow Wendy and YZ's eyes to roam here for the fact that both are really close to me. But then someone told me that if I don't want anyone to read my blog, I could always keep a diary. True. But I write better on the keyboard. Seriously, I'm not joking. Now I cannot do my assigment with pen and paper. How the technology had enslaved me. Tsk tsk..

Well, the reason why I started to share my blog with others is because I want people to be critical about my writing. I want to write for an audience. Practising for my future career. (Haha) So I must be bold enough to write and allow comments from others. It is more for commenting on the style and topic/theme of writing rather than the content in itself. And the other time, my friend, Ivy, told me she read my blog and like it. It was such an encouragement for me.

However, a recent event makes me wonder if blogging is really such a great way for expressing my thoughts. We all know about this boy who make racist remarks on his blog and got himself in legal issues. I have actually read his blog and I seriously think that he must have been high on drugs to say such things. It was undigestable and was so uncalled for. But that happen to this guy which I don't know personally. To side track, just wondering what is the correct term used for such cases? People getting into trouble for writing something bad on their blog about something and get caught? I just couldn't remember it off hand.

Anyways, Just 2 days ago, a very close guy friend of mine told me that he got into trouble with the stuff he wrote on his blog. I was really pissed off. Not for the fact that he wrote something bad or the person that reported him. But for the reason that we are accountable for even what we wrote in our online diary. If I have to vet through what I want to write about, it won't be as authentic and raw as it is intended to be. It has loses the meaning of it all.

On the other hand, after thinking of it for awhile, I think that maybe I am wrong.

A pen is mightier than a sword. That is why in ancient China , Emperor Qing ordered all the scholar books and writen document to be burned. He realise that words have a huge impact on others. It has the abilty to influence our thinking. Like how the debate about the imfamous Da Vinci Code novel by Dan Brown. Words are really powerful and we need to be dicerning to know the facts from the fiction. So that is why writers must be responsible for the things they write about and practice discretion and ethics.

That does not mean that I think my friend did the wrong thing. I just think he is unlucky. Of all people, why must it be him. And the things that he says must have been what he felt. And why must he be faulted for how he feels?

Hmm.. anyway, this is suppose to be a short entry. So I shan't go on further. I hope my entries so far have not offended anyone in anyway though.

I'm starting to really feel the toll on me since school started. School stuff, work, going out, church, SIP interview and all is starting to have its effect on me. Dark circles, blood-shot eyes, yawning during inappropriate time, missing classes. And this is suppose to be a rather laid back semester for me.

On saturday, I bring Max around singapore and feel so much like s tourist as well. I took the bumpy boat ride at Clark Quay to Boat quay, went Arab streets and the flee market, geylang for durian and mangoesteen; which is suppose to be the royal family of fruits, walking aimlessly around the CDB area looking at architectual structures (Max's an architect). Really, just taking the train and dropping off where our instinct tells us to and walk.

And we get into the topics of perception. He can see the side of Singapore where I totally miss. Like the trees and cleaniness and the warmth of the people or the humidity of the weather. Which I really took for granted. Its like his senses are all open to absorb all the different things and it totally overwhelmed him. At the end of the day I ask him how he find Singapore and he answered.

1. Singapore is too nice. Its like so right that it is wrong because nothing can be too right.
2. He don't understand why people can wear jeans and not die of the heat.
3. Great food culture.
4. Excellence MRT network system.
5. A place where people are too sheltered and usually conform to do what the government says.
6. A good place to quit smoking because the cigarettes are too expensive and the picture in front of the box are too gross to look at.
7. Nothing is really worth seeing but when you put everything you have see and do and experience, it is actually wonderful.
8. A place that is good for raising his children because it is safe.
9. Attractive girls and not so attractive guys. ha ha


Anyway, I see Max off at golden mile complex yesterday. He is making his way to KL and other part of south east Asia but promise to drop by Singapore again when he is done before he head back to his real life in London. Although he keep urging me to go home and get my passport and jump in the coach with him. How i wish! During his time here, he has shared so much stuff with me. And not only have i learn so much about him, I learnt so much about myself as well. Its so liberating. Just when I am starting to get use to him; his quirky habit of pulling the back of my shirt and the infamous goofy grin, he is leaving. It is evident that I don't do goodbyes very well huh.

All hello always end with goodbyes.

Anyway, I'm really so tired right now i don't think i can make it through my SIP Interview later. Slept for only 6 hours since thursday. It's really bad. I get into this hibernation mode when i don't get enough rest. So i better jump into bed right now for a power nap before I go for the interview. Ciao

cultural vulture

This few days have been so exciting for me. If you not have already know this by now, I love entertaining people from overseas. Hence the job at Harry; Airport. Everyday i see new faces, new cultural experiences and stories. And also the fact that I prefer western culture to chinese. No offense.

Talking about cultural differences. I think there is hell lot of differences in our way of life. Seriously, i attribute to our education system and the way our parents bring us up. People in western countries are so laid back regarding their academic progression. What's school anyway? School is like a platform for them to social around, prom night; prom queen and sex after that, booze and drugs, running for council, fashion parade for the 'mean girls', ect.. Sure, they are of course the other end of the consortium.

Look into Singapore context. Its all about the paper chase. Thinking about it, it rather amaze me that i endure all that. Its not trash. I am not going to condemn the system because evidently we usually do better that foreigners academical wise. But does it adequately prepare us for the future? With globalisation and the encouragement of the government to have an entrepreneurial spirit, can we make it?

But who usually does better in the real working world? Who are the entrepreneurs that are really making big $?

The thought makes me shiver.

Anyway, coming back to the main thing i want to say is. I have been entertaining people from overseas this couple of days. Showing them around Singapore like a rightfully tour guide. Its so fun! Just like what i always want to do!

Yesterday night was this 2 guys from California (Matt and Zach, the cute one). They were sitting at the bar at Harry when we suggest to bring them out to the city. So off we went. We ended up sitting by Singapore River laughing, talking playing some really silly games thru the night. ;D That's my idea of fun.

And then there was Max who is from London. Me and Zelle was actually going to check out this vintage shop in Icon and we bump into this really lost looking guy. And then the inner urge to help him overcome me. (Hospitality student, what can u say?) So we ended up meeting him later in the night and bring him on a trail of makansutra. Haha.. What really is memorable for me is going to the backpackers hostel for the very first time in my life. I really got a shock at how run-down the facilities are. But they are just paying SIN$10/nt. So anyone who is running away from home can afford to go there. Haha.. Anyway, he invited us to go and take a look at the place and of course i jump at the opportunity!! We ended up talking to other backpackers from AUSSIE!!, hungary, france and a couple more. It was really eye opening for me. You guys know i totally dig that right!!!


Enough said. Shall blog more about my experience in a couple more days. (Yes, we are meeting again later!!)



Chrissy the tour guide. OUT.

SIP Blues

I was just writing my resume and cover letter earlier in the morning. I have sent to a few companies that i have short-listed. Hopefully I will hear from them soon. But actually, I really don't fancy any one of those but have gotten no choice.

That brings us to another point i always wanted to blog about. Why have we become slave to the system of the world? When life restrict us to do things we truely want to do? Many times, I have heard people complaining about things that they need to do but don't really want to. I feel sad for them. And for me too. Because I know when i go out to work, I'll be like them.

Why can't we live for ourself? Simply because we can't. As much as I want to. To live by the beach in some exotic coastal area. Have a beach house that caters to tourists all over the world. Have a beachboy by my side, sipping wine and watching the sun goes down. Dancing and swimming in the moonlight. I know it is too far fetch.

I'll be stuck in a job that will not interest me as much. A payroll that can't support my lifestyle. Movies, coffee and shopping mall. Maybe a boring guy that I go home to everyday. A few kids down the road.

Why can't we do what we want? Because we conform to the norms of our society? Or is it because we dare not really step out of the comfort zone that has protected us so well from the outside world?

Like the SIP, I know that I want more than what was offer. But I gotta struck with it because it is part of assignment. I know I am capable of more than that, but the opportunities are lacking. I don't want to live like that anymore. I want to break free from this viscious cycle that i am in.


Yearning to be set free.

Multi-faces

How many different sides does a person actually have? How many do I own? What we thought ourselves as is never the same as what other people thought we were. It is rather subjective.

I know what kind of person I am and how I am going to react to various situations. But does that means that I know myself well? My friends may think that I am otherwise. So does it means that they don't know me well? I guess nobody can be certain enough to say that he or she knows a person very well. I couldn't. People do change, and that's life all about. Changing and becoming more and more like who we are meant to be.

We could be lovers, friends or even our family. But sometimes, what they say to us or do to us could make us feel like we are strangers. We could be married for many years and still be strangers to each other in many ways.

What is my favourite colour? My favourite food, or music, or movie? I could tell you today and you could easily forget it tomorrow. Or you may have it engraved it forever in your heart and yet I may have forgotten even saying it. People change, we are forgetful, we don't listen with our heart. We are after all imperfect. We are after all human. Who can fault me for the things I do when they themselves are many times guilty of the crime they committed?

You and me, we, are self centred beings. We like to talk and seldom listen. Sometimes we even speak for the sake to make noises. How uncomfortable silent can be at times. We ask questions no intending to listen. Maybe for the sake of trying to look interested in someone elses life?

I don't know. And I am not in the position to judge.

Human interaction is really a complex thing. Why do some people just click with some and not others? Why when 2 strangers' eyes met for the very first time, there is an connection we feel? Why do love at first sight exist? And what exactly is 'chemistry'? No one can really put a word to that. It is just something we feel. Right?

Perhaps when we truely open up our inner self to others, the more we trust them, love them and yet at the same time feel vulnerable to them, but still continue to trust. That could be how when people are thrown together in a crisis, they bond quickier and stronger. That's when everything is at stake and they have nothing more to lose except themselves. And maybe that's when we understand ourselves and others more. To see the multi-faces of them (mind u, i don't mind hypocrites). It can only be done when we step out of our comfort zone and thrust ourself into the unknown.