Fighting through all the demands of school work and social life leave me breathless by the time i crawl to my bed. Without a doubt, I make it through the day with God's grace. If not, I don't think i am able to make it thus far. All the blessings of good grades and smooth project members. All the 'on the dot' submission of assignment, the enlightening of tough projects. All came through at the right moment. Nothing more, nothing less. Thank God..

Schedules are packed to the brim, threatening my emotions to be disfunctional. Not that my emotions are keep in checked all the time (base on my history). Tension headaches, not eating again.. What are the tell-tales signs again? But i know i'm going to get through it once again. Like how i have manage the last few times. But why work so hard for? What do i want to get?

Being the leader of the pack ain't easy. Being a follower is even more difficult for me. Contradiction? That's my middle name. What i want?

Its back to the 'wanting and not having it' period again. It gotta strike me once in a while. Making myself feel useless and unfulfilled. Regrets, remorse, etc... What i want? That i do not know. But i know THIS is not what i want. Discontentment is the prison. How to be content when u know u can do so much more? What i want actually?

Just finishing ranting... Thanks for listening. Crawling back to bed now. Maybe the lights can finally be dimmed and a good night rest awaits. Or maybe not...



"How can i be found when i don't even know i am lost?

2006

No count down, no fancy party dresses, no dancing till wee hours of the morning. Xmas and new year just done pass like that. Nothing for me to remember by. By plain and simple. Yet i am happy.

Away from the crowds, from all the noises. That reason is enough reason for me to celebrate. Not forgetting the tonnes of xmas presents i have recieve. Haha... Anyway, u might call it anti-social. Homebody is what i said it is.

Actually the crucial part is not about how i celebrate xmas or new year. Its about what have gone by in 2005. Walking down memory land is something i do best. I have gain some and lose some. But in the end, i'm pretty satisfied with what i have.

a large part of the early 2005 is bout Andre.. Don't really feel like blogging about him because there's nothing much to say. Maybe just that i am glad its over. I think i am anyway. We are better off without each other. Me crossing over to adulthood with the 21st birthday marking the start of the journey. Then it was to Sentosa campus, the ultra long journey and the people watch on the MRT. the depression that haunt me once again and tearing me into pieces. Thank God that it was over. Through this, i have found God once again. big move to Expo and joining worship ministry, all the friends that have stood with me like shelley and tina, working at Gta and gaining industrial experience... well... its all part of 2005. All in a blink of an eye. Where have all the time gone to?

I hope that 2006 is a year of breakthrough for me. With many things being accomplished and fulfilling many things i hope to achieve. there is maybe only 1 thing that i want to learn in this new year. Time management. Haiz.. A procratinator is learning how to manage her time. I hope she don't procrastinate learning. hahaz...

Anyway, Happy New Year to all people reading this entry. God will bless u if u ask Him to. Speak it.







Genesis 1:3 And God said: "Let there be light, and there was light."

When i was sad

This is what i have put on my friendster for quite some time. I really like it.

Neither black nor white. Living in shades of grey. Certain days are brighter than others. Those days remind me to give thanks for small blessings. A walk in the park, quiet bus ride, indulging in my own thoughts, recieving a call from frds, looking at the stars, a silent prayer. Small things like this make life more bearable. Certain actions or words touches me more then others. Not difficult to let me love you. Just hold me close and never let me go. Always fall head over heels in love. Everyone wants to be loved. Me too.. I'm always a contradiction. Not that i don't know what i want. My requirements are too specific and no one can meet up to it. Always wanting to do my best and tiring myself in the process. But the outcome are always rewarding and never fails to justify why i work so hard for. Wanting to be a woman that He intended me to be. Still trying hard. Enjoy watching movies. But reality and movies differ too much. They make me sad. Reality are cruel and practical. Prefer to live by not knowing. But i know too much and the truth hurts. It hurts because i know it will stay this way. You lead me not to believe in Romeo and Heroes anymore. Faith. faith is sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. What if we persist and tried, i guess we'll never know.We have lost the faith. Money and power fade away. Live a rich life, dun die a rich man. Working too hard strip the joy in your life. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. What is most important in your life? Time and tide waits for no man. Don't seek happiness because happiness arise from circumstance. Look for inner contentment and joy will overflow. With peace, love and joy in your heart, all things are possible. Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal. Heaven is a place nearby so He won't be so far away. Seek and you shall find. My journey; ups and downs, joy and sorrow, conflict and peace. Birth and death. An epitome of life.

Friends or Foe

This is going to be one of my entries for my journal writing. Just let everyone have a peek of it. This is my 3rd. Hehe... Finally break that egg.

Well... While writing this, i have thought about many people i have met throughout my 21 years. Some are mere passing strangers and yet others have impacted me to be me.

People come and go into our life. Some will stay for a while and left footprints in your heart and you are never the same again. Others will go just as quickly as they come and leave you with a mere faded memory. There are also others whom you thought have come to complete your world only to find that they have left, reaping a piece of you with them and making you less complete than before. And there are those whom you thought have left, but only to know that they are back again. I believe everyone has encountered them in some point through their journey of life. For me, I have met all of them. Some are like angels sent from heavens to help me walk through the thorny path. Others are the ones that have help to create the thorny path for me to tread on. There are yet others waiting for me to be the one that guide them out of their difficult times. I believe that the good and the bad experiences I have with people have mould me into who I am today. They taught me invaluable lessons that can come only through heartaches and pain. The price for the lesson is my own tears. However, they make me a more mature person. I have learnt not to have expectations on people because all Man are fallible. The higher expectations I have of others, the harder I will fall when they failed to deliver the expectations. On the contrary, I also learnt how not to be cynical even in the midst of this complexity world. It is easy to put for us to put on a self protecting armour after being attack and wounded deeply several times. We put on a defensive wall and not allow anyone entering our lives and not trusting anyone because we no longer believe that there are any good left in the world. Nevertheless, it takes inner strength in a person to overcome the cynicism and strip off any doubts and embrace new faces in their life. They never know that they might just be embracing an angel in their world that might make them never the same again.




I'm never the same again because i have met you.

Never contented

The prison of discontentment has the most inmates. Its overpopulated and demand most attention from the prison warden. I'm one of them. What i have, i did not give thanks. What i don't have, i grumble and shout that 'life's unfair'. Life is indeed unfair. One has to accept it and be at peace with it else one can never be at peace with herself.

Changes is hard but it is not impossible. I want to try. I want to change. I want to be contented with what i have and what i don't have. There's this saying that goes: Help me accept the things i cannot change and help me have courage to change those that i can and help me have the wisdom to know the difference.

Well... Just finished the last book. Have to pay the library a visit again. Hopefully by tomorrow. Its hard to find time since projects are starting to pile up and i have make a new committment to start exercise. Went swimming just now. Covered 22 laps. Finally working those muscles. I hope its not a 3 minute kind of interest.

I went to Changi Airport just now in the afternoon doing a field inspection for my assessment. I'm not being biased or what but Singapore Airport is really something. It builds its facility around our needs and not the other way round like many others. However, i think dubai airport is another one to look out for.

Hmmm... enough about airport for today. I have writen a 4 page report on it and i'm not done yet. But the requirement is only 3 pages. Hope it'll do. I'm going to bed now since there's nothing else left to read. Ciao

Baptism Sunday

I declared to the world today that i belong to Jesus! I was baptised in church this morning. Its a physical act with many spirtual implication. Though i still feel the same, but i know i am very much different. In so many ways, i am a new creation, the old self has gone and the new has come. This has meant so much to me.

And so it is, back to school. Work are piling up and making me breathless and panting. Its all in my making. For 3 weeks, I have been busy entertaining dinner, movies and my own personal 'down' time. And the consequence? I gotta slogged off an entire week in school. I know its gonna be a Busy week for me. But i want to challenge myself to go swimming and jogging for this week. I gotta work off those extra kilos around my waist. The weighing scale is definately hitting the red zone. Damn, the festives periods are just round the corner. I'm so dead!

Back to the creative journal writing... Its still at number O. I should have expected that considering that i'm a procastinating queen. But i make sure that i'm gonna have at least 3 by the end of this week. The lesson is getting more and more interesting. With the tutor intriducing us to many good reads. One of which is 'Life of Pi'. Very humoursly written. I like..

I was doing my project research but i coouldn't take my mind off blogging so i came here to rant! I guess i better go now.


Its gonna be alright, cuz i know that my God save the day and i know His words never fail and i know my God has a way for me. Salvation is here. - Hillsong; Salvation

Just have a phone conversation with Zhaoquan. Realised that things have change so much between. First, there was the love at first sight, then slowly it develop into a deep heated love that blurs all reality then the quarrels and breakup. Resentment and anger sets in accompanied by jealousy and hatred. But now its all different. There is an unusual peace. Its a deep rooted care that comes from within and love isn't in the way to obstruct that. Enough said.

Its was Mambo Nite at Zouk last nite. It was the first time i went after their reopening. Was fun, fun and fun. Went with crystal, yilin, amber, nate and Kenneth. I was telling amber that i was born in the wrong era. I love retro, oldies and all the saturaday nite fever thingy. Grease is my all time fav too. Those were the days of the trend setters. Ladies and gents partying the nite away in diso, cruising the highway, black leather jacket, bell-bottom. poka dots prints. School and work is their last priority. HAha... Its party time everyday.

I'm meeting wendy later in the evening for Harry Potter! So looking forward to that! Will update once i have watch the show. Hehe...Amber watched it twice! Anyway, i have nothing to do now while waiting for wendy so decided to blog. Bored...

Emperor New Skin

Surprise Amber? I manage to don on a new costume without anyone's help. I did it by myself. What we've learn in year 1 dreamweaver classes did help alot though. Haha.. But actually its dummy-prove. Hehe

Had a discussion with my friends and they seems to think that i am a weirdo because i don't intend to look for a boyfriend. One even try to match make me with her friend who is suppose to be a Superstar 'weichong' lookalike. Gosh! Being single is a choice that i have make. Its not involuntary. I'm still waiting for God's best. They make me seems like an alien in this world or some sort of lesbian. Then they went on to saying all the things they look for in a guy. My God! Its all about dollars and cents. How materialistic people can be. Don't get me wrong. I don't dislike them. In fact they are rather good friends of mine. I just think that their belief systems is rather distorted beyond my belief.

Thank God for bringing me through today. I thought i can never make it thru today. I hate tuesday!!! At least for this semester. Its a wet and cold tuesday, ideal for pigging out at home.

Just completed 5 people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom. Nice read. But surprisingly, it didn't probe me into thinking deeper. I thought it will leave me much to think about. But it didn't. Now starting on a new book "catch me if you can".

I don't think i wanna continue writing becasue i gotta meet the girls for breakfast tomorrow before lesson and they wanna go Zouk. Gotta catch up with my sleep.

Lazy sunday

I have kept to my promise of updating my blog for the sake of training myself to write more and maybe by doing that, i'll finally get around to write my journals. By right now, the number of journals that i have wrote accumulated to ZERO. Big fat O. Seriously, its a real chore for me. Because i don't really like people reading my stuff. I know, i know... it contradict with the idea of blogging right. *Lost for words*

Anyway, had a long day yesterday. Woke up so early to go queenstown. Went Ikea to get a shoe rack and shop around. Was intending to have the famous swedish meatball for lunch but the sight of the queue is enough to kill my appetize. Was with Shelley and she brought me to this really nice place at i don't know where. Its call "Villa Bali".

It is, as the name suggest, reflecting the decor of Bali culture. Soft instumental music playing in the background and the sound of flowing water at the nearby lagoon. It has many private gazebo that cater to the guest's need for privacy. The furniture are make of rattan lookalike wood but were discoloured due to the constant exposure of the elements of nature. The whole area were planted with many bushes and trees that show off the rustic feel of Bali. On top of that, there were insects and crawlers that truely make you feel like you are in a tropical forest. At the entrance, there is a long bridge connect Villa Bali to the main road. The place claim to be an ideal spot to chill out at night but i think if you wanna truely admire the beauty of the place, its best visit in early evening.

Enough with the commentary. Its hard work. Wonder which publication wanna use me. Haha...
Oh by the way, visit club momo at night. Gosh, its really not up to the expectation. Their marketing effort is good it still lacks something. The crowds are not helping either. The only pretty thing you see are those dancers or the host. Other than that, its not worth it. But then again, the band is alright. But i can see that younger people will like it.

Hmm... TV showing Harry Porter. Wonder if half of Singapore have caught the lastest HP during this weekend. I heard that its all full house all over town. I'm gonna catch it this coming thursday. Can hardly wait. Gonna watch it with wendy. Full of anticipation already. Missed watching I am Sam last nite. I'm surprise that somebody still remember that i love that show and he msg me reminding me to watch it. With a box of tissue of course! It spur me into thinking that there are still people out there that might be looking out for me still. Thank God for them!

Gotta go, wish i can go on forever. Have to prepare for tmr's lesson. Angee staying over tonight. We're not going to slp i guess... Panda eyes! Hehe

Got a question to all bloggers. Who are your audience when you are blogging? Do you have a specific person in mind?

Writer's block

The second semester of my second year has just started. I'm into the second week of it. I was taking an interesting module called creative writing. In the first tutorial, we were to describe a person we knew and without thinking much, i describe my best friend, Wendy. It was so fun to describe what i think she is like and on top of that, i can add things onto her character to make her more dramatic. Its like painting a white canvas sheet with colours. I wonder how others will do up my painting. The first assignment was to hand up 15 journals within a month. Gosh, I even have trouble updating my blog how am i suppose to hand up 15 journals? Whenever i take out my writing materials, i seem to be suffering from the most dreaded writer's block. But when i blog, words just flow out. Maybe i should just blog out those 15 journals and print it out from here.

This new semester meant also to me. It shows me God's promise to me. His words never fail. Even though its the same journey, same campus and even the same classmates, the feelings were altogether different. Marvelous. But same classmates also posed a tricky situations. We gotta regroup out project group. I'm feeling really nice working with my ex members but were forced to split due to some inconsiderate people who just want to get their way by compromising others. But this has spur me onto doing my best and showing them that i can do well even with people that they discarded into my group. They were tough people to work with but i can do all things through Christ who give me strength.

Know some really nice people like yilin and crystal, yuan yuan and also belinda. Fun people to be with. But i also come across some back-stabbers. They didn't stab me of course but my dear friend. Just a word of comfort is that without the villians, there will be no good guys right? No point pondering over their actions. Let them crash and burn.

Recently, i got into a situation with some friends too. Actually 2 guys. One of them get me so pissed off that i don't think i'll ever want to meet him again. I mean, what's wrong with clashed schedule? He's busy and I am busy. And i get faulted for being busy or not answering my msg? Come on la, I am not oblidge to return their call. This is the problem with cell phone. Cell phone does mean that you can have direct assess to that's person but that doesn't mean that that person allows you to do it. I believe that you can't blame someone who just missed your call whether intensionally or accidentally right. You have your rights to call and they have their rights not to pick up. Damn it!

The other guy just abuse his rights that he has my number and keep calling me day and nights. I feel so bad for turning him down all the time but then again i tell myself that i have the rights to do it. You see, people like that just love to make you walk the guilt trip by accussing you of turning down their offer to meet up. They don't get the hint that you are really not interested or maybe they do. They just want to make you feel guilty that you are turning them down all the time and out tof the guilt, you'll say "yes".

Haiz... ever hear the song 'crazy' by 'Simple Plan'? I love that! It says that the world is going crazy and if you really open up your eyes to see, you will know that something is wrong, what's going on? It so apply to the world now. Bird flu, hurrican katrina and hurrican wilma, earthquake, tsunami, bali bombing (II), jordan bombing, people chopping others into pieces and throwing them in public area. I mean the list can go on and on. All these happens within the span of 1 year. The world and its people are going crazy. All these are the end time event that the bible are speaking off. I hope i am ready for it.

I HOPE YOU ARE READY FOR IT.

I once read a book called "She said yes". Before you rolled your eyes, its not about some romance book. Its bout a girl saying 'yes' at the face of death during the Colombine High School shoot out. By saying to 'yes' that she believe in God and Jesus, she was shot to death. Some people might say that she is stupid. But i think that she is dying for what she believe in. And whatever that she is believing got to be real enough for her to die for it. Following that chapter is a phase that say: "All of us should live life so as to be able to face eternity at any time." I was inspired by it and so sharing with you here.

Anyway, gotta go. Leave your comments. Would love to read them.




Reference: She said yes; the unlikely martyrdom by Misty Bernall

Rainbow always comes after the storm

If I was never trialed, I will never know what will be my threshold. Aparently I think God made me in such a way that He thinks I am strong enough to go through storms. He trust that He will never give me more than what I cannot bear. Rainbow always comes after the storm. Especially after a big storm, the peace that follows will not be understableable by mere human mind. It surpasses all understandings. I guess I am seeing the rainbow now. The colourful hues of the rainbow paints my heart with joy. Come and share with me this peace. Because I'll never know when the next storm might comes. But one thing for sure, I know I'll get through all those storms as well. Becasue the rainbows await me after that. Praise God.

Been working at the travel company for 2 weeks now. Everyday been facing the pc till my eyes blur and my brain cell is gonna be grilled by the radiation of the pc. Hahaz... Just kidding. Anyway, thankful for that job. Though there are no cute guys in the company! Haha! Well the money is enough to lure me outta bed each morning. Its not much actually. Its at least keeping me alive. Its at clifford centre. Can drop if you wanna go lunch together. Hehe..

Just gotten my results last friday. Didn't do badly. Better than what i expect. But maybe because i have lower expectation this semester. Its a rather tough semester. Hopefully next sem will be much better. "fingers cross"... Had an 0.06 increase in my GPA. Kinda little right? But i work my buttz off that. Haha. Well.. I guess my results does call for a celebration. Anyone wanna celebrate for me?? hintz.!

I guess it is always just me. Everyone doesn't seems to have issues. Or rather not as much issues as i have. I'm a problematic child. =p Actually what do people do on weekends? I seems to just rest at home or go to church. I guess the streets are packed with people and i seriously dislike crowds. Maybe I'm just closing myself up. I don't know. It is either that or I seriously i have a social problem. I wont' want to think about that. Both sucks!

Hmmm... This saturday I'll be out in the street selling flags. I'm representing TOUCH community services. If anyone is approached by one of us, be sure to donate ok. All for a good cause. Blessed are those who bless others. Hehe... I got no money so i donate my service to them lor. Don't just walk away k.




Psalm 100:5 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations"

His favour upon me

In the middle of the study week now. How could i possibly feel so calm? Peaceful and quiet in my mind. They used to make the loudest noise. Seeking my full attention almost unwillingly. But they are hush. They are contained. Because of His favour. Thank you Lord.

Hmmm... feeling rather happy right now. I have finally gotten a job that i all along wanted. A million thanks to Wendy and her cousin. Can't wait for me to start work already. Starting on 12th sept. Though the pay isn't great and I'm still so grateful. I hope there is where i belong. Even though it is just a vacation job, it will help me determine if i wanna go into that line or not. Thanks Wendy for making it possible for me. My mom told me that you are too vexed by me asking u so often. But i know better. I know we are best friends and that don't even count as anything!

I don't know why i kept thinking of Wendy recently. Always wanting to meet but time don't permits. But i hope that the coming holiday, we'll have plenty of catching up to do. I love ya girl! =) Let's paint the town red!

Everything is falling into place for me. Even my results. I thought i will do badly this sem but it seems to be pretty alright. Hope the exam will turn out good as well. The mind seems to quieten down alot too. Or maybe i have learn how not to give in to its request. That's a lesson hard to unlearn. Well.... 4 months of semester is finally coming to an end next friday. The last paper will mark to closure of the first part of my junior year. I am counting down the days to graduation already! ahaha... A bit impatient right.

I just finish the book "waiting for God's best". And i intend to really wait for his best. I don't want to jump at any opportunity that comes along that might seems to be attractive. The worst enemy of best is good. And i won't even settle of second best. Only the best. And i will trust Him to give me the best in His timing.

I'm quite excited because we are having a chalet at Sentosa. The good old girlfriends from secondary school. Hehe... Its been a long time since the girls can relax becasue they are all working hard. As for me, i'll take this opportunity to build back our friendship. 3 days at the beach. Woohoo.. can't hardly wait. Just hope that the chalet is far away from TAS (my campus). Hahaz... won't wan to be reminded of my school while enjoying. It just spoils everything.

Darn, gotta get back to my books already. Updates soon!

Bewitched

I just caught the movie "bewitched" last night with Clamen. Enjoyed the show so much. It would be perfect if i could just wriggle my nose and i'll get whatever my heart desire. Imagine waking up in the morning and realise that it is time for school. I'll just wave my wand and i'll have a couple of hours more to sleep. The train is so crowded but i'll just wriggle my nose and everyone disappear. Haha.. sorry peps.. just having a fanatasy of being a witch. A good witch. I would even need a car. A broom stick will be fine. The branded broomstick from Harry Porter. "Nimbus2000" right? Anyway, had a great time with Clamen over dinner, movie, coffee and night chat. It's always good to meet up with old friends.

Talking about friends, i think my secondary school friends are all too busy. Jinwen can just buried her head in pile of work. Xueli, i don't know what she is up to actually. Boyfriend i guess. Meiyun and Jorine also busy with work and many other stuff. Yiling starting school soon. Haiz... Friendship gotta make effort if not it can't last. Well..

I get came back from church. Had a wonderful time. Had cell group with Shelly and zhuan. Really nice. I simply love God so much now. He has done wonderful things in my life. I have decided to walk with him all the days of my life. Talking about church, my senior pastor is having a world class magic show this 27 or 28 of august. I don't know who is reading my blog. But whoever is, even strangers, i hope you all are interested in coming to this event. It will blow your mind away. Contact me if u are interested. Leave me a comment and i will get back to you for sure.

Phew... 2 reports handed up and marketing presentation is over. However, more things to finish next week. 1 online quiz, 2 interview, 1 presentation and an excution theme project for cooking. Wow.. i really need the strength. But i know i will have it. I know He will provide. 2 weeks more and it will be study break. 1 month more it will be the long awaited holidays. Got to work to support myself. I hope i can find a good paying job.. Haiz... $ is a double-edged sword.

I just simply love Corrinne May. Did i mention that i write her an email and she replied me? Avirl went to her concert and she said that it was great. I hope she will have one more concert in Singapore. I will definately go. I think Shelley would love to be there too. Corrinne May is a Christian singer. Most of her song is about how God is in her life. I think they are inspiration and motivating. I hope i can be a singer too. Haha.. Hope lahh. And i hope for a lot of things...




let my cup overflows. i saw the work of the holy spirit tonight. He work through me. I know i won't be able to say what i say. It was Him. Thank you for the gift.

A new creation

A heart transplant could mean that a person has gotten a new lease of life by the mercy of another. The new heart enable the person a second chance in life. A second chance to be happy and cheerful once again. - analogy

God is that person who is so gracious and mercy to me by giving me a new heart. =) A long awaited wait but worthwhile. He dried my tears with his bare hand when i am crying. He polished the diamond that was no longer glitering. I just want to say thank you Lord.

I hope i will learn from this. Not to squander away this chance like how i always used to. I used to be complacent. Thinking that it was over. But it came back again and again to haunt me. I hope i will learn my lesson. This shall be the last time. I will do the outwardly work and Thou shall do the inside job.

I just gotten a call from Germany from Tina telling me about her work and also the places she went to visit. Such an unforgetable memory. Visiting palaces and museums. I look forward to my chances in future.

I guess i haven't mention before. My dream job is to stomp around the globe, visiting cultural attractions to natural geographical landform, staying in posh hotels to B&B, dining on street food to fine cuisine. Thereafter, i will write reviews after reviews on magazine and travel journals of my experiences. I'll be like the travel guru. Whatever i say is a must-try, people flock to try it. Countries sought after me to boost their tourism industry. Or i will be working for discovery travel and living (or of similar interest), i'll be a host and travel around the world for rare finds. Hehe... I travel and get paid! Shit, did i mention it is a dream job? Sounds more like a fantasy huh? At least i have something to look forward to.

Imagine living in Singapore, i'm so deprived of natural wonders, exotic people and culture. I don't want to live in the box. I feel like i'm in the centre of the box. So feckin' centre. Haha... Imagine going to melbourne and visit the 12 apostles, diving in the great barrier reefs saying hello to the corals, camping with the wild beasts in yellowstone national park, smiling in front of mona lisa in Louve museum, riding the waves on Bondi beach, ect... oops i think i am biased. Did i mention Aussie 3 times? I simply love australia. Did i mention that the Australia Tourism Board's advertisement is my favourite advertisement in the whole world?

Finally, i am writing something happy. something to look forward to. Haha... maybe when i think of traveling, i feel free. *shrug*

I went marina bay last nitez to support pastor Khong in his magic show. Saw weiwen and siqi. I wonder how they get up the seats without risking getting their feet soiled. Mine was so damned soiled. Blame the weather. But at least it wasn't raining. Didn't manage to watch the rest of the concert. Went off after the first performance. We went TCC at boat quay after that. Had sucha good time chatting with the girls. Hopefully there is much more to come. Had so much coffees and cake. I wonder of there is alcohol in the dirnks. Everyone was behaving like they were drunk. Or maybe we were just enjoying ourselves too much.

Gotta go, DAd cooked dinner. Zhaoquan coming over to my place for dinner and watch the fireworks together.

Freedom in Christ

I'm going round in circle. going round and round. Like the horse carrousel in magical theme park. Going round and round. But mine wasn't so beautiful, mine wasn't so attractive. Mine was was going round and round. For five years, it has been going round and round. I thought it was going somewhere, i thought it was far from where i have been. But it's still going round and round.

I put on my worn-out mask. Everyday, it was on me. Such brave front. I had that mask. For five years it was with me. My worn out mask. I feel hideous without my mask. I can't face no one. I thought i was pretty and i thought i was real. But nobody know the real me so i had on my mask. I have decieved everyone. I have me decieved. I don't need a mask anymore. I am the mask.

All that is going to change now. I hope it will. Gone are the merry-go-round and the mask. The past will be dog-earred in my page and they will leave a stain. But i will continue reading the book until have reach the last page. And the ending of the story will be : "And she live happily ever after. "

Happily ever after?

This best lesson you can learn in life could be that there is no such thing as forever. Only God can provide eternal and forever. Human just fail to do so. I used to want friends that are forever, want boyfriend that last till the end of horizon. But i came to realise that it's not possible. The higher the expectation, the harder you will fall. Be prepared for that day when people you love will leave you. There is no such thing as forever. Maybe i have grown and see the cynical side of life. But that's the way it is. Never hold things to dear to you. You are heading towards doom. The best thing that can ever happen is the moment and memories you once shared with them. At that point of time, remind yourself that it might be the last time you have with them. Never take joy for granted. it doesn't come easily anymore.
I've learn to be happier this way. Taking things as it is and never put much hope in others. Hope in the Lord and i shall be rewarded. With His ever-lasting peace and joy. Let's hope all things work for the good of all man who love Him.
Hmmm... I miss my friends suddenly. Wendy, jinwen and xueli. Hurhur... But i'm kinda glad that for next two weeks i'm having holiday. Thur having accounting test. And i'll be free! well at least for 2 weeks. Just got to know some China girls. Esp Zhou hua. Nice girl to chat with. Anyway, shout out to Wendy! I miss you babe! I do read your blog when i go online k. Happy?? Hehe

When all else fades away

And so it is, life still goes on. Even when her hero has left her heart. Life still has to go on. Nobody says life is easy. Forgiveness comes easy but forgetting takes a lifetime. The touch that comes from him doesn't comes easy. The million thoughts that accompanied with it seems to explode in her mind. "What a wonderful warmth that radiate throughout" The musky signature smell that is solely from him. Perfume mixed with the bitter-after-taste of his cigarette. Such a heavenly bitter-sweet memory. She cannot forget. She will not forget. The sound of him when he is getting near. The familiarity of it all. She'll never hear it again. The humour that he has, bring curve to her lips. Smile, no more. She says goodbye to it all. Goodbye to everything that she knew.

She hasn't lost him. She can't lose him if she hasn't has him in the first place. He was never her's. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Sorrowfully sweet. Her hero is gone. The promise to be a better man seems fulfilled. The ring that hung on to her finger no longer stood there. Replaced by the white band that took it's place that wasn't baked by the cruel sun. In times, it will goes away too... Maybe memories will fade away too... Nothing last forever, except GOd's love.

Goodbye to u... Parting is such sweet sorrow. Anticipation of the next meeting and the despair of the time in between.

Never put all your milk into one fridge

Man are weapon of mass destruction. I can never fully comprehend what Man is capable of doing. And i can also say that i won't even know what i can capable of until i am being forced to make a decision. Usually the things that hurt us most are words and actions done by Man. And they are usually the closest friends you have. Quoting from YZ, he said it's like opening a back door for people to put knives into us. Because we are not guarded with close friends, we are stabbed by them, something even without us knowing it. That's a very scary thoughts. But.... Never put all your eggs into one basket. I have learned that lesson in a very painful and hard way. Don't walk my footstep.

I was reading this book the other day and they are saying that happiness is a choice we make. The moment we wake up we can choose how we want to spend our day. I believe that by constantly choosing to be happy, it become something that is drilled into us and slowly it become a habit. At first, like every other thing in life, is always a struggle. It's always easy and require a certain strength. People who live life without much thoughts haven't live at all. They have not seen dark places and therefore they cannot appreciate the lights. But fear not! Your turn might be next. Hahazz...

The first week of school has just ended. Not much lesson except some briefing and modules explanation. But it's gonna be a tough sem for me. I've got 8 modules and all of it don't seems easy to cope. But it's His strength that will guide me through. The journey to and fro school isn't easy. Everyday is like fighting in a battle for MRT seats. We are like playing 'quickest feet first'. Haha... But at the same time gotta pretend as if we are not aware of other people's needs for seat. Hahaz... That's so bad! But you gotta be bad when u are half awake in the morning and also half dead in the evening....

Hmmm... Anyway, enough of blogging for tonight. TAta

I was really psych about going to a new campus at sentosa and staying there for a year to complete my junior year. But everything changes yesterday. I analysis the whole sentosa thingy and conclude that it is just a waste of time, resourse and money. Maybe all that thoughts came when i got to travel 1hr and 15mins to the new campus from my house. I used to take only 20mins to reach TP. Ok, i am not bias here even though i need to wake up an hour earlier each day. I don't even know why we are shifted there now. I see no future alliance with the working partners there. Lesson still more or less revolve around the school. So, it's basically shifting to a new campus all for nothing. Maybe it is one big marketing tool to market the HTM dipolma. No! I don't hate my course. The tutors are really great. Maybe i haven seen a real reason why we are shifted over there. It seems glam at first but all that glitter are not gold. It might just be a mirage glittering in far distance and when you walk towards it, it is just derelict. I do hope they can justified why we are shifing there. I hope by blogging this, i won't get into trouble. Wendy told me bloggers can be sued for defirmation. But i am not belittling my school's decision. I might not see what they see yet. Or vise versa.

Anyway, enough of blagging about the long traveling distance (i just can't seem to get over it.) I'm going to Batam tmr. Coming back on Sunday. No big deal. Just a super short trip. Have not felt the excitment just yet. Maybe tmr i will feel it on the ferry. Second time on the ferry. First time was when i was still crawling. Saw it at my family album and my mum told me i was on my way to Batam. Haha... Pretty long time. Wonder what will i see there. Maybe just the beach. But it's enough for me. I'm a beach bum. Well... pretty much i guess.. Don't think i will be taking alot of pictures because i decided not to bring my digital cam along. I can use my Nokia 6260 cam! Hehe... I just bought it last thursday. And damn... The price dropped $60.00 within the next two days. What is mine will be mine right.. Too bad... Money can't hurt me that much. Love can.

School gonna start next tuesday. 4 months of really intensive schooling. God, i have got 8 modules. 2 of which are more relax. But still alot to cope. I hope i can get good results this coming semester. Oh!! I'm in year 2 now. Can't wait for the day where i graduate. Already having the 'can't hardly wait for graduation' symptoms already. 1 down, 2 more years to go.. I will persist till then! I have to. Got no choice. Well... my ideal job... Hahaz... Dream job is a much better word because i can only have it in my dreams. I want to work for lonely planet and related industry. Write travel books for them. Go to different country, live in their hotels, dine at famous places, sightseeing at wonders of the world. All that while not spending a single cent and getting paid for it. Hahaz... Well... That's my aim anyway. Destination development sounds pretty cool too. And realistic. Hahaz... But Walt Disney says if you can dream it, you can do it. I want to do it!

Ok... Got to go pack my stuff. Bikinis, sun screen, towel. Batam!! Here i come!!!!!





Waiting for a revelation from Him. As i surrender all to You. Take away what is not from You and give me what is intended for me.

The road to nowhere

Wish you are leading a different life? I'm feeling more of that recently, more then ever. No, my life ain't as bad as what you think. It just wasn't great. It is not as happening, impactful, fulfilling, fun and satisfied as it should be. I wanna be there and done that. Wanna be able to lead a life really perfect. Have really nice lifestyle like what you've seen on The O.C. I mean, there are people my age in Singapore who are really up there making things happen. The sad thing is that i am waiting for things to happen. (Realise it shamefully) Tsk tsk... I have the drive, the energy and the ambition. How to find the opportunity?

Anyway, that's kinda too far-fetched to think about still. In present, I don't even have money to pay my bills. Oh man, i am becoming so depress by my non-existance achievement. Phew... Somebody save me from myself. I'm poisoning my own thoughts. I need money! So sad...

You know, i was just thinking why do good girls always got stuck with jerks? And it's not that they have no choice but to be with them. They have all the available choices they can make from. But why?? It's always the bad guys that make them fall so hard? Where have all the good guys gone to? Why aren't they around to save the good girls? I'm talking from observations. I simply hate those assholes who trampled on girls just because those girls need them. That's not love anymore. It's blackmailing! Love ain't like that and should never be. People fall in love like the speed of sending an sms. By doing so, you are actually falling in love with the people you want him to be. You thought he was like all you imagine how your bf would be. And that guy suddenly become the 'One' you have been waiting for all your life. So you slowly fall in love with this guy and worship upon the ground he walked on. You know you love him. Or rather you thought you love him. And he knows that you cannot live without him.... And he took advantage of that very fact and remove all his sheep's clothing. The wolf emerge.... By then, when the girl saw the wolf, she has already fallen deep in love. She won't care if the guy is a sheep or just a pile of shit. Girls are vulnerable in this way. They get used and abused mentally yet still refuse to go. I have seen so much of these. From friends and even myself. I have not met any real asshole yet but still i know i can fall into the cycle. Just hope that some good guy can come to catch me fall...

Still in the transitional period. Have not found what i'm looking for. It's taking a long time partly because i don't know what am i looking for. Someone very wise once told me that i may spend a lifetime looking. People do spend a lifetime looking for what they want. They are not silly. At least they don't settle for anything less. Other just lead a life that was given to them thinking that it is enough. What i say is: "Find your spirit and follow it!"


To Him: I know you are making efforts and i feel so happy. Just how long can you last? How long can we still go on?