I've got you!

I've decided to run the 21Km Half Army Marathon which I have repeatedly told MArk that it is something which I won't do.

I sorta regret the decision, the moment the words slipped off my lips. However, I will still stay true to my words.

I know I'm still going to do it anyway.

Why put myself through those gruesome miles?

Well... I am so sick of telling myself I cannot do something and so tired of getting mediocre results.

If I keep doing things the same way, things are going to stay the same.

So this marathon is not only a physical training but also a mental training to myself. It is a platform for me to psych myself to prepare for the greater things in life. :)

So far, I've only covered 10KM. Another 11Km more to go. I cannot and dare not imagine how I'm going to do it.

I was running in the park this morning and was on my 8Km. I wanted to give up initially but saw something.

I saw a father teaching his son how to ride a 2-wheels bicycle. His eyes never left his son and he is always staying closely at the back never allow his son to fall down. His body language seems to be saying: "Son, I've got you".

The boy didn't give up either..

He ride wobbly for some distance before stopping to recompose himself and continue on. I run by them and encourage the boy and told him not to keep it up!

I told myself the same.

That image spurred me on for the last 2KM. The hardest 2KM.

I was reminded by how God also kept his eyes on me all the time.

"Daughter, don't give up. I've got you" is what he says.

of magic wand & genie in the bottle

When I was a little girl of around 4 years of age, I got the taste of my first real disappointment.

I don’t know how I gotten the idea that I could purchase a magic wand and that could grant me any 3 wishes I wanted. It could be from the cartoon network or some fairy tales bedtime story. Nonetheless, the idea of having a magic wand fascinates me beyond my little mind could contain. I thought of it day and night and even dreamt about it.

Somehow, I manage to persuade my mom to give me $50 to buy my wand. $50 is a big thing 20 years ago. It could be a $200 equivalent in today’s context. My mom could have felt that intense earnest in me to agree to this silly request of her 4 years old daughter.

In my mum’s mind, it just another ‘toy’ which her daughter wanted and soon she will grow out of that airy fairy phase. It wasn’t like that for me. I sincerely believed that such magic exist and is determined in hunting it down.

On that fateful day, my sister, our nanny and I set off for my ‘wand’ hunting at Toys’ R Us across the island. I don’t know if my nanny is just patronizing me or if she really doesn’t have a clue of what I was looking for. We wandered from stores to stores, with me trying my best to describe the magic wand to the sales person. We were rejected at each stores and the disappointment sets in deeper and deeper.

At the end of that day, I was somehow convinced that what I was looking for doesn’t exist.
What saddened me most is not about the magic wand. It wasn’t even about the 3 wishes that I could have. I didn’t even think about what are they wishes that I wanted.

It is about idea of having a magical wand, a mystical “genie in the bottle” who will grant me just about anything I wanted.

I felt disappointment for the first time in my life (at age 4).

I told this story to MArk last night. We were at Wendy’s birthday celebration and somehow I brought up this topic. MArk wasn’t surprise. He is rather accustomed to my ‘Alice in Wonderland’ mode but he had another name for that. He called them ‘you and your nonsense’ instead.

I told me that it was at age 4 that I realized I couldn’t have what I want all the time. I understood disappointment. I realize that my life is not as easy as to waving a magic wand and getting just what I wanted.

On our way home, we stopped by the petrol kiosk and I have gotten a surprise.
Before MArk stepped off the car, being the gentleman that he is, he will always ask if he can get me anything from the store. I just causally told him that I wanted the Tigger plush toy which was on display at the store. Both of us know that I am not a fan of plush toy and he knew that I’m being nonsense again. So he left the car without a word to make payment.

5 minutes later, he came back with the Tigger in his arm.

He told me that he fought all the urges to come back and asked if I truly wanted the toy. He goes against his logic and gotten me something which I just said I wanted.

I knew he remembered my story.

I still didn’t have the magic wand. But I have him. I have family and friends who loved me and who are willing to go all out and care for me and protect me.

I won’t forget the look on his face when he came back to the car that day.

I was looking at my magic wand.

Even better, I am looking at a magic wand who not only give me what I want. He gives me what is best for me.

If given a choice to get what you want and what is good for you, what would you choose?

Me too. :)

I thought of our heavenly father and I thought I saw Jesus in him that day.

of new inspiration and dreams

Its a funny feeling.

Everytime I wanted to start anew, I have this urge to change my blogskin. It is as if there is some sort of intertwined connection between them. I'll have this urge to blog. Like changing a new outlook will have a change of heart.

My heart.

This is a new beginning for me.

Bit by bit, there will be new changes. Good changes.

Look out for it!