perfectionist streak

Question: What is the worst job for a perfectionist?

Answer: Typist (using typewriter)

Just the other day, someone asked me to help her prepare some document to be fed-ex out. She asked if i know why to use a typewriter and I was like (duh). So she gave me a blank template and asked me to type according to the default one. Knowing myself well (a pefectionist) and playing it safe (being cautious), I went to photocopy a few more copies (8 to be exact) of the blank template because I am sure there bound to be mistakes. Haha... I think I must have underestimate myself.

I took almost 50minutes to get the document ready. I could use 5 minutes to type it in Microsoft Word. And you know what, I used up 18 blank templates before I am satisfied with my work. I was mentally exhauted after that. Haha.. That was really hard work (for me).

I don't know why I am so fussy with the way I do things. I always believe that everyone should put in 110% of themselves in what they are doing. Maybe because I cannot tolerate people doing their work in a sloppy manner, I will not allow myself to committe such acts. And I guess because of that, I tend to push myself harder. It may be doing a big project or just typing a simple letter.

But anyway, I think that the lady notice how long I took to complete the letter and the amount of waste paper in my bin, she never asked me to type any letters for her anymore. Phew... Great relief. Haha...

So moral of the story...

Never ever ask a perfectionist to type any letters using a typewriter.

for wendy and amber

A poem for a dearest friend
Who is standing on the fence
Looking right and looking left
Plunging into her own death

Tossed about in the strongest wind
She has forgotten who she is
Drowning her sorrow with toxin
Someone please redeem her from this

long long ardous bus ride

I felt like I have embarked on a road to eternity when I stepped out of my office heading to church. In total, I have spent close to 2 hours commuting from Loyang to Marine Parade. I could have reached JB with that time! How thick can it get?

The rain has caused the traffic to be slow moving. The speed of my bus cease to a slow crawl. It made me developed motion sickness throughout the journey. My stomach was threating to regurgitate every bit of my lunch. Yikes! Its really sickening. This is definitely one bus ride that I don't enjoy.

Today was really challenging for me physically. My body kept screaming for me to go back home and sleep but I dragged my foot to choir rehearsal. Say in normal circumstance, I won't consume coffee but today is really abnormal. I had 2.

TGIF tomorrow.

Sunday going Natas Fair with Linda!!! Guess where are we going for holiday? Haha... I'm sure all those that know me don't even have to guess. The country that scream: "Where the Bloody hell are you"? or the more mellow/censored version of "So, Where are you"? The secret is out in the open! =)

Well... actually I don't really like to blog about the coming and goings of my daily life but then I guess the bus ride really eeks me so much that I have to pour it out. Haha... Wanna get it out of my system.

Sleep is creeping up my back, I guess its good night then..

Night world.

the kingdom of heaven

Troy, Arc of Joan, Kingdom of Heaven, Lord of the Ring and 300.

They are the genre of movies that I love. Ancient history/civilisation and ancient battle. The movies that speak of the glory days of the Roman and the Greek empire where they conquere the rest of the world..

They intrigues me beyond my understanding. Being the sort of girl who dislike watching gory film, I cannot understand what makes me love such films.

Definately not brad pitt in his non-existence waist clothes in Troy or Gerard Butler with his six packs in 300. Well not really anyway. haha..

But they have something that captivate me in that cinema seat. Something that makes me held my breathe. Something that makes my heart beat faster. (its really not brad pitt! believe me) I thought that maybe I'm a saddist that enjoy watching people slaughtering others, blood being spilled, heads detaching from their bodies.

But no, because speaking of all that really grossed me out already.

So I don't think I am a saddist.

Its something else.

Then it dawn on me...

Its about the men fighting for a cause that they believed in. Fighting for their freedom, to protect their love ones, and for the land that they call home. And thus creating history with their stories.

But there is always this leader, this one man. The bravery of this one man that lead his people into battleground. The man that instill courage and strength into his people. This man that urge others to never retreat or surrender. The one that roars the loudest so that other could find their strength to do the same. The one that stands in the frontier of the battleline.

And I saw this one man in someone I know.

The one that says: "If i perish, I perish".

And i know why I love those movies. Because something inside me that is so primeval yearn to be in a battle with him. A battle not of flesh and blood.

Without a battle, there will not be Victory!

And I know I was born for Victory!

back at one

Its really funny when u think that you have walked away from your heartache and disappointment only to find yourselves confronting the very same thing once again. You dont know whether to laugh or to cry. Literally. You tell yourself you have let that go and ready to put it aside only to find yourself back at the original starting point. Back at square one.

You wonder if this is yet another test you have to pass or is this the real thing this time? What if it is something that God has put in front of me once again and take it away once again? I never know. But i am still going to find out.

I am back at where I was. Will thing turn out differently this time? How many times do I have to go through it before I finally pass the test that He set for me?

Have mercy on me, I cried.

goodbye my lover

Pen in my hand, staring at empty space.
Trying to put all that is up there into a page.

A writer without a muse.
Impatient into frustration and finally into desperation.

Late at night, you told me you couldn't sleep.
I have hurt you beyond your wildest dream.

But don't you understand.
I am just too far from where you are.

Hoping to make your pain go away.
So I stay away.

For the first and the final time I say this to you instead.
I'm gonna let you go.

αντίο

Yes I do

I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders.
They pushed me down further and further.
I feel the pain, tears sting my eyes.
I am carrying more than what I can bear.

You then said to me: "Rest on my love, and cast all of my cares on you".

I walked on because I know only I can carry my cross.
Only I can to do this on my own, walk this stony path alone.
Broken into a trillion pieces, thrown all over the place.
Never to be One again.

You then said to me: "I had already walked down that thorny road while carrying that cross for you".

You make everything sound so easy.
Like all my brokeness and pain will just go away.
I wanted to hand you that baggage that I clinged so tightly on.
But I so afraid to let it go.

You then said to me: "Trust in my unfailing love for you".

There are so many questions with so little answer.
I want to know why must I carry this load.
Please tell me how far must I go till I know why.
Why must I wander down this road.

And you asked me: "Do you trust me? Do you trust me? Do you trust me?"

I do, I do, I do

Breaking free

Many times, we do things out of obligations, live to fulfill unspoken definition that govern our life. We stuck by them because we have to not because we wanted to. And we are restricted in the way we want to live our life.

Then when can we do things that truely pleases us?

Wisemen love to give advise thinking that they know it all, live it all. But they never asked if we needed them in the first place. They have forgotten that it is through the trials and errors that they have been through that truely defines who they are.

If you never try, we'll never know. And if you never try, you never really live.

Maybe we know the dangers of what lurk ahead and know that we might even get ourselves hurt. But isn't that the most exciting part?

I'm tired of living my life with people telling me what I should do, what I shouldn't.

"You should get a job soon"
"Maybe this isn't the will of God"
"With your result, it is a waste that you don't want to apply for university"
"You shouldn't travel alone because it is dangerous for a girl to do that"
"This job might affect your ministry in church so it is better to find something else that won't"

yadayadayada....

Don't they think I don't know all that? Why is it that when I want to do something radical, I have to seek their advise? Because they know better?

Their opinions and their voices became louder and louder and I become smaller and smaller. I cease to become who I am, while trying to please them.

I hate responsibilities, commitment, have a deep hatre for doing things that I don't have a passion for. I always thought that the rules in life don't apply to me.

I don't need another advise to tell me that whatI should do. I know what I should do. But I just choose not to do it. I know it is wrong to say this, wrong to do this. But why can't I be wrong for once? Why do I always always have to do what is right?

I am tired of doing what is expected of me. What I expect of myself.

I want to do something which is out of the ordinary for once.

To live for myself, for once.


Break Away - Kelly Clarkson

Grew up in a small town,
And when the rain would fall down,
I'd just stare out my window.
Dreaming of what could be,
And if I'd end up happy,
I would pray.

Trying hard to reach out,
But when I tried to speak out,
Felt like no-one could hear me.
Wanted to belong here,
But something felt so wrong here.
So I'd pray,
I could break away.


I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Wanna feel the warm breeze,
Sleep under a palm tree,
Feel the rush of the ocean,
Get onboard a fast train,
Travel on a jetplane,
Faraway, and break away.


I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.


Buildings with a 100 floors,
Swinging around revolving doors,
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me.
But I gotta keep moving on moving on,
Fly away, break away.


I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
Though its not easy to tell you goodbye.
Gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget the place I come from.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Break away, break away

eye of the storm

Like all thunderstorms, the precipitation will eventually cease and the strong gust of wind will stop blowing. And if you observe carefully, you might even see the rainbow that comes after that.

Common sense tells us that the rain will stop and the sun will come out exhibiting its manificent glory.

But it didn't tell us how long the rain will last.

Similarly like the storm of our life, we know that we will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel but we don't know when.

Fear crippled us when we are standing in pitch darkness. Our cries hit empty walls echoing our loneliness. Our vision is impaired by the total darkness that surround our heart and envelope our soul.

And like King David, we cried out "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me"? -quote psalm 42:5

My life is now in the presence of a major thunderstorm, wondering when will it go away. But God says "Put your hope in God, for I will YET praise Him, my saviour and my God".

And suddenly I find myself in the eye of the storm.

Safe in the arm of my Savior.